You Said You’d Call If You Survived

“Hey. It’s me.”

“I don’t know if this is even going to go through.”

“The signal keeps dropping.”

“I’m supposed to keep this short.”

“They said not to use the lines unless it’s urgent.”

“I think this counts.”

“I’m sitting in the car, what’s left of it anyway.”

“I can see smoke from here.”

“I don’t know where you are.”

“They keep asking for names.”

“I keep saying yours.”

“They keep writing something down and not looking at me.”

“I remember you laughing at me for never deleting old voicemails.”

“Guess who’s listening to them now.”

“You said you’d call if you survived.”

“That’s what you said.”

“So I’m calling.”

“I don’t know if you can hear this.”

“I don’t even know if you’re supposed to.”

“They’re telling us to evacuate again.”

“I don’t want to move.”

“If I stay right here, maybe you’ll know where to find me.”

“That sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”

“You always hated when I talked like that.”

“I can hear helicopters.”

“They sound closer than before.”

“I’m not hurt. At least I don’t think I am.”

“My hands won’t stop shaking.”

“That might just be adrenaline.”

“They said shock feels like cold.”

“I am very cold.”

“I wish you were here to tell me what that means.”

“You always knew those things.”

“I keep replaying our last conversation.”

“You told me not to go.”

“I told you it would be fine.”

“I always say that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know how long these messages save.”

“I don’t know how many I’m allowed.”

“I don’t know what to do except talk.”

“You said you’d call if you survived.”

“So please.”

“If you’re out there.”

“Call me back.”

“…You shouldn’t still be here.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t still be on this line.”

“Who is this?”

“You know who it is.”

“No.”

“You do.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing.”

“This isn’t possible.”

“You say that a lot.”

“They said no one made it past the east side.”

“I didn’t.”

“Then how are you—”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are you?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“I’m by the old exit ramp.”

“That collapsed.”

“I know.”

“I saw it fall.”

“So you couldn’t be there.”

“And yet.”

“This is a bad dream.”

“You always say that too.”

“Stop saying things like you know me.”

“I know you.”

“You said you’d call if you survived.”

“I didn’t survive.”

“Then why did you call?”

“Because you asked me to.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“They told me everyone on your side was gone.”

“They told me the same thing about you.”

“I heard your name over the radio.”

“I heard yours shouted into the smoke.”

“They stopped searching hours ago.”

“They never started where I was.”

“This can’t be real.”

“Do you want it to be?”

“I want you alive.”

“I want you safe.”

“I want to hear you complain about my voicemail greeting.”

“You still haven’t changed it.”

“I knew you’d remember that.”

“I replayed it too.”

“You sound tired.”

“I am.”

“Are you hurt?”

“I don’t feel pain anymore.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

“It’s honest.”

“Where are you really?”

“I’m where I ended.”

“Stop.”

“You asked me to call.”

“I asked if you survived.”

“And I answered.”

“You said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.”

“Then this is—”

“A gift.”

“That’s cruel.”

“Not from me.”

“They’re telling me the batteries are dying.”

“I know.”

“How do you know?”

“I can hear it thinning.”

“Hear what?”

“The space between words.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“You’ve always been brave.”

“I’m not brave.”

“You stayed.”

“I stayed because I was waiting for you.”

“You’re still doing that.”

“Can you see anything?”

“No.”

“Can you see me?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know it’s me?”

“Because no one else would stay this long.”

“You always underestimate people.”

“You always overestimate them.”

“I miss arguing with you.”

“I miss being wrong with you.”

“They’re counting down.”

“Who?”

“The phone.”

“I don’t want it to end like this.”

“It doesn’t end.”

“It does for me.”

“Not where I am.”

“Are you saying you’re—”

“I’m saying I kept my promise.”

“You said you’d call if you survived.”

“And you answered.”

“But you shouldn’t exist.”

“Neither should hope.”

“That’s not fair.”

“It never was.”

“If I stay on the line—”

“You’ll hear silence.”

“And if I hang up?”

“You’ll still hear me.”

“When?”

“When it’s quiet.”

“This isn’t closure.”

“No.”

“It’s worse.”

“It’s love.”

“Say my name.”

“You know it.”

“Say it anyway.”

“…I remember how you sounded saying mine.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I don’t have much voice left.”

“Then listen.”

“I am.”

“You survived.”

“No I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“How?”

“You stayed.”

“That’s not enough.”

“It was for me.”

“I don’t want to let go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“But you’re gone.”

“I’m not far.”

“Promise?”

“You know I keep those.”

“The line’s going dead.”

“I know.”

“Will you call again?”

“You won’t need me to.”

“Please.”

“You said you’d call if you survived.”

“And you answered.”

“That means—”

“It means goodbye isn’t the end.”

“…Are you still there?”

“Always.”