Unicorn Support Hotline

”Good morning! Thank you for calling the Unicorn Support Hotline. My name is Opal, how can I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Tobin. Well, I followed the instructions, to find a spotted unicorn I met… but it didn’t work.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Tobin. So I’m gonna ask you a few things off the bat, ok?”

“Sure.”

“So you choose your 11 jellybeans and set them up. Did you put them in a perfect circle?”

“As far as I could tell. But wait… that’s part of it? I don’t remember anything about that.”

“Ah, yes… that’s something the print-makers found was left out of the original batch of directions. We’ve had a second distribution since then.”

“Great! So I got the outdated version.”

“Ha, well yes. So we’ve added that another item needed is a small plate to model the circle around. That way, it’s always a perfect one. But since you think it was close enough… that alone shouldn’t have impeded the summoning.”

“Oh… so what else could it be?”

“Well… walk me through the next few steps.”

“Well, as it says… I put the goblet of wine in the middle of the circle and stood to the left of it. I counted to 11 and took the 11 deep breaths.”

“You didn’t rush the breaths, did you?”

“Rush them?”

“Yeah, that’s a big problem we see. Everyone wants to get through the counting and breaths as soon as possible. But that’s not something to ‘get through.’ In fact, that’s the fundamental part. You need to change your wavelength to something outside the day-to-day world.”

“Oh… well, ok…. But how am I supposed to know if I rushed it?”

“Well… did you rush it?”

“No.”

“There you go!”

“Oh. I mean, whaatttt?!”

“Only you truly know if you rushed it. So whatever you say in a split second must be true.”

“Ohh, I see. You were clever with that one!”

“Thanks. Not my first pointed-horse rodeo.”

“Haha, my god! Is that a clever reference, too?”

“Oh, yeah… that’s usually an inside joke around here.”

“I can imagine. Unexpectedly funny.”

“So…. Now there’s the visualization. You know which way to keep your head?”

“Of course! Resting back on my shoulders, straight up.”

“Ok, just had to check.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“And you spent the time —“

“Picturing the previous encounter, yes. And thinking of our potential companionship, or whatever.”

“Not ‘whatever!’ You can’t be lukewarm about anything here.”

“Wait… no… I meant—“

“Think about the best friendship of a human and a horse. Like, the BEST one! One that you read about in a book or seen in a movie. Think of that incredible moment… hold it in your mind….”

“Ok….”

“Well… that, all that… is not even close!”

“Uhh… ok.”

“Yeah, try to imagine that. Not… even… close! We can’t even fathom where a unicorn comes from, much less its powers. Its world isn’t governed by time and logic… only magic and emotion! It’s a realm most people will never see. You attempting this is essentially trying to reach that realm. So do you want a unicorn companion?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry… don’t think I heard you?”

“Yeaaa.”

“You can’t do better than that….”

“YES!”

“There we go.”

“So how—“

“Well… one more thing. Was the circle ever broken before you decided to leave?”

“Uh, well no. I mean….”

“Ahh. Well that was probably it then.”

“Ah, well I meant that some acorn fell, must’ve been from a bird above. It landed pretty hard right next to one end, and a jellybean or two jumped. That wouldn’t affect it, right?”

“Hmm, well actually that definitely could affect it. Perfect or not, the circle should stay intact.”

“Oh… so you’re saying—“

“That that’s what it was. Next time bring a small plate and if the circle ever breaks, even by accident… start the ceremony over.”

“Start over?!”

“Yes. The ceremony had to be completed, with circle intact the entire time.”

“Oh, so that’s what I’d have to do?”

“Yes. You think you’re only one of a hundred who want a unicorn? If people found out, they’d all want one.”

“Ok, I think I understand. I just had to start over when the jellies were pushed out of alignment. You make sure it’s done right.”

“Good job! Yup, try that that next time and hopefully you won’t have to call again.”

“Oh, ok… thank you, Opal!”

“You’re welcome, Tobin. Good luck building your magical companionship.”

“For sure. Thanks again.”