Wretched, Beautiful War Bearer

Dear Christopher Paolini,

My name is Christina Zakarian, and I’m from Montreal, Canada. I want to take a moment to commend you for all your masterpieces. I was twelve when I first read Eragon, and I have loved the series ever since. Your writing and imagination inspired me to create my own little world. I never showed my work to anybody for fear of being looked down on or exposed. But this is my first time showing my world to someone, and I hope you will enjoy it. Gardova is my special place, and I invite you to dwell in it for a moment. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for showing me how it feels to have magic at the tip of my fingers.

Atra esterni ono thelduin. Mor’ranr lifa unin hjarta onr. Un atra du evarinya ono varda.

Christina Zakarian

Wretched, Beautiful War Bearer

War. One does not simply dwell in the ideation of this horrid catastrophe. Of all the centuries I have endured in Gardova, only Adamahs have relished in these circumstances. However, I despised war and retreated far into the forest of Warmwortle, away from the world, to protect my offsprings.

However, I underestimated the greedy beings living in the depths of the woods and the power of elemental sprites, for they created a trap along the trees and snowy grounds, taking my beloved eggs from their nest while I searched for food. For days I cried out, roared through the night, and wept as my beautiful amethyst eggs seized to exist from my life. What purpose do I have but to wander along the forest, stretching my wings temporarily in the sky before hiding in the trees again?

How pitiful. To think I, Thundra, Bearer of Lightning, mother of none, would fall into this state of despair and disengagement.

Gardova has been my dwelling since the moment my father, Elder and firstborn of Thunder Tannins, and my mother, Eldest, mother of all Tannins (or Dragons as the Adamah call us), bore my forty siblings and me. Both my father and mother were created by Lions’ Breath, Creator of all, Ruler of Gardova. Lion is an entity, a deity, yet also a friend. He may not roam the earth no more, but His Breath is evident through the breeze and slow whispers under the burrows. Lion created the world through a single breath, infusing magic in the dirt that soon became beings. Generous and a Master Craftsman, Lion created nine beings, ten including us Mighty Tannins. He first created Adamah, or man, their form and character reflecting Lions’. They were quickly followed by Hakhams, Elves, humans' top competitor yet closest ally. Laviys followed close behind, subduing animals and creating perfect harmony with them. Yeleds’ appeared with cape-like wings, soaring through the breeze. Mayims, Pa’als, and Eyts came last, all three surrounding themselves with elements that no other being aside has seen. Mayims were one with the sea, while the Pa’als used Lions’ Spirit to control fire. Eyts were dedicated to the earth as their heart responded to the ground beneath them. We Dragons were not placed with the founding beings to avoid imbalance from the beings. However, peace was quickly taken away when power was found among the being. This desire, this lust for power, only came by the whisper of their shadows; Vanta. As Lion created light, darkness was also formed, which brought out the Spirit of Vanta, a being so pitiful and meticulous its one desire was to overtake the one Lord that created him. Through Mayims’ pride, he convinced him to drown himself in the lake, convincing him that being one with the water would lead him to Sovereign power. Eyt was brought by the water, for the lilies were crying out. Before long, she was condemned by Pa’al for killing Mayim, and the two fought a battle so fierce that the clear field became a trench, and trees and all living beings were hurt and killed. Laviy, angry that his animals were wounded, joined the battle, causing confusion for the animals to fight against each other. Yeleds, too stunned from the sudden battle, fled the scene, hiding under a bush only to be trampled by gazels. Hakhams, who analyzed only Yeleds’ crushed body, attacked Laviy for their recklessness. Only Adamah stared at the battle, his hand quickly grabbing Lion's mane and whispered. “Help us, Oh my Lion.”

Lions’ single roar caused the earth to tremble, turning the sun black and a great wave overtaking all beings except for Adamah.

“Wretched beings! Why must you succumb to the darkness? Don’t you know that the whispers in the shadow only turn to death? For now, you are plagued with anger and transgressions, and your bodies know what pain feels like. You will all have a shortened life and grave years of famine and grief. Go! I must create borders in this land, for you are now not a family but a divided nation. But glory to Adamah, who inclined to me for your failings. Although frail, Adamah will be your ruler.”

The beings separated into countries. Laviy, although dead, was brought to life and was plagued with insomnia. For no King can rule righteously without sleep. As for Admanahs, they called the earth Gardova and were placed at the center of all nations to govern and oversee. Adamahs were also keen as they divided into two beings: Adamah and Behemah. As centuries passed, the Adamahs in the high places discovered winged creatures that walked with four legs and a beautiful tail. Their bodies were covered with scales, and their eyes stared straight into the soul, connecting with beings and communicating through thoughts and feelings. Behemahs were created on that day when the Tarrins were united with man. Behemahs were then the rulers of the sky.

However, through the years, Behemahs declined just as all the other beings. Their unity succumbed to power as they overpowered Tarrins, often breeding them to sell their eggs and demanding we become the main transportation for luxurious items. Many Tarrins, such as my parents, were tired and thus parted with their Tamers only to hide in caves and protect their offspring.

I, unfortunately, disgraced my family as I wandered in the woods, my large paws trampling bushes. My ears hear the bombs around as Adamahs are at war with the Eyts. How unfortunate this world has become. As the sun sets, I stop near a fallen tree, clawing away the snow to reveal the ground beneath. The slow breeze brings along memories of a faraway land. Taking a long raspy breath, I smell the scent of pine and withered leaves. Winter has come early. Is Lion bringing vengeance to the land? By bringing frost and bitter nights? All beings, asides from Tammirs and Pa’als, cannot survive a cold wintery night alone. Many use flames to keep themselves warm, but frost overtakes them, leaving them with frozen bodies that only wolves and other carnivores enjoy in the morning.

Lion tells us Tammirs to never eat beings, for they are sacred to His Kingdom. However, many have turned away from their instincts and enjoyed their flesh. Hatred towards Adamahs has distorted our senses. We are not creatures that can be taken lightly. We are warriors. Titans!

A growl leaves my fangs as I lay on the ground beneath me. Darkness has taken over the forest, and the night sounds are slowly awakening. Laying my jaw on the ground, I exhale, sending the snow before me to fly off and slowly land a few meters away.

My offsprings. Oh, how I failed them.

Wretched Adamahs. The day will come when I devour one to justify many losses.

An explosion startles me. I open my amethyst eyes as my long, thin ears listen to where the chaos is coming from. Five hundred meters. Northwest. I can smell the smoke. A strange toxin smell is present, and I place my mussel against the ground. I can hear screaming. Adamahs. Many women. Children. I hear a bow flying. Sword clashing against shield.

An invasion.

I stay put. Why meddle with Adamah business? They have started this war. Their pride and arrogance. Their need to rule others, even against their own. How pitiful are they? Oh, if only I could watch them scrambling, trying to find their belongings before their necks meet a sword from a stranger who was meant to be a friend.

I stayed vigilant for a while, listening as the screams became echoes in the wind and swords were no more. The smell of smoke and flames became stronger as new memories flowed through the breeze. Memories that homes were destroyed.

How unfortunate, yet it lightens my yoke.

They now know my pain of loss.

Rays of sunlight bother my eyes. I open them slowly, my eyes dilating to adjust to the light. The scent of flames has dissipated. I let out a yawn while standing up, pushing my large legs forward to stretch my spine, my wings immediately unraveling and spreading, reaching the trees a dozen meters away.

As I stood back up, a new sound erupted in the woods.

A cry.

It was chaotic and high-pitched. My ears shied back as I glanced toward where the sound came from.

For reasons unknown, I slowly walked towards the sound. What was that cry? Where was it all this time?

As I got closer, the cry became more frequent and erratic. Was it calling someone? Was it dying?

Reaching the invaded villages, I observed the many roofs caved in, smoke coming from inside. Dead Adamah bodies were scattered across the place. Some wore helmets, while others had regular Adamah clothes.

I never stepped into an Adamah village. Behemah villages were different as they resided on mountaintops and their dwellings were in caves. These houses were built with wood which is more vulnerable to flames.

I stepped into the village, the scales around my neck and legs raised up while I revealed my fangs.

Adamah territory. I have intentions to kill one today. I moved closer to the obnoxious cry, which was so loud that I wanted to bring forth lightning and cause a hellfire just to make it stop. Noticing the scream coming from one of the houses, I looked around my surroundings before advancing toward the window. The front entrance was too small for me to fit in, and half of the house was already burned down.

I looked through the window, my left eye scanning the little room.

A golden baby.

There they sat on the ground by a lifeless body that appeared to be a woman. The body’s head was bleeding, her eyes were half closed, and her arms reaching for the baby. The baby cried with no reason to stop. Her golden hair was splattered with blood and dirt. She wore a bloodstained shirt and was holding a metal rod with a curve at the end of it.

Spoon? I wondered.

Then her eyes met mine. Blue eyes surrounded by a red face. Her tears kept rolling down, and snot covered her mouth and chin.

A horrible sight indeed, yet her eyes kept me locked.

She was saying something. She needed something.

She is hungry. A voice I knew so well whispered.

A growl was released within me. Hungry? Why must I help this child? She is only a bearer of war. Bloodlust and greed run through those heathen veins. Why should I, a Dragon, help a helpless war bearer?

And yet deep within my soul, I felt warm. The instinct in me to obey my Creator. One must not simply deny a request from the Celestial King.

I understand, Lord, I respond.

I inhale, taking in the various smells around the village. Feces, a rotting calf, and burned flesh all surround my sense. But I smell the sweet aroma of apples. I turn away from the wretched one and walk through the ruined village, my footsteps slow, assuring that no enemy can hear me. I approach a broken-down house where the smell is coming from. A mother and child are piled on top of each other by a ripped bag of fruits. I leaned into the broken window, my scales scraping the shattered glasses, creating a screeching noise. I grab the bag between my fangs and pull back. I looked around, wondering if this was sufficient.

Three apples; this is only scraps for our young ones. But for a war bearer, this may be enough, I thought as I headed back to the wailing creature. When I look through the glass window, I grunt to see the child still wailing, coughing as snot runs down their nose.

Despicable, I snorted. I look around the house and notice the door has been hinged off. Walking towards it, I push the door away with my mussel and peer through. The toddler looked up, and our eyes once again locked. Sapphire and Violet. Our eyes send each other instinctual signals.

Who are you?

I am safe.

The little creature slowly stood up, revealing cuts and bruises on both her legs. She was not wearing what mortals call pants, yet she was well covered by the long-ripped shirt that enveloped her. I watched closely as she walked towards me, tears still pouring down.

Be careful.

I winced as I watched her dance around the shards of glasses before she finally walked out of the ruined house. She stood, face flushed red, blood-stained golden locks ruffled over her shoulders, and her eyes oceanid and wide. We looked at each other and took the time to analyze the unfamiliar. My scale spiked around my neck as I leaned down, my snout not far from her petite figure. One bite, and she would join her family. My stomach grumbled. Today marked day four of my pursuit of food. And here it was, fresh, young.

Yet my jaws still clenched the bag of fruits. I lowered the bag to the ground, the ruby red fruits revealing themselves to the girl. Our connection broke as she looked down at the fruits. Her left leg moved sideways as her hand fell on by her sides. My scales were still tense, and my breath held back. This creature. This Adamah. I cannot trust her.

Her chin then lifted eye and her eyes instantly changed to what seemed to me as creased. A smile fell over her face, lifting her ruby-red cheeks.

“Appol,” She cooed out.

The world fell. Light streamed through the village. A sense of peace ran through my scales. Wonder hit me straight in the face. What first started as caution and disgust immediately turned to awestruck.

A wretched creature.

A young child.

A war bearer.

A golden girl.

An orphan.

My offspring.

What have you done to me? I stuttered to my Creator.

I nudged my mussel closer to the girl who crouched to grab an apple. She immediately ate it, the sound of a crunch and slurping slowly surrounding the village. She looked up with her ridiculous smile now covered with juice.

She then lifted a hand towards me. So small. I can see the thin lines in her palm through the mud and splattered blood.

I moved my mussel forward as she placed her hand on me. She was small and cold. Oh, so cold. Yet I allowed my heat to warm her up. I sensed her forearm hair rising as she giggled, scratching my nose before taking another bite.

I watched her as she looked at my features. Her hands lifted to my nostrils, her slender fingers tracing the outline before meeting my caruncle. She let out a gasp as our eyes met.

“Popple,” She hummed out.

I couldn’t help but let out an amusing huff.

It is purple, little one, I thought as I slowly moved my body to sit on the ground.

I watched as she ate the third apple before standing up and turning around, my tail sliding on the ground to get her attention.

She perked up, giggling as she watched my long tail wag on the snow ground. Running towards it, she opened her arms to grab the tip before I swung it upwards. Gasping, she stumbled and caught herself before jumping towards my tail. Amused, I continued the game before slowly realizing the situation. Here we were. Tammir and Adamah. Playing in a graveyard of murdered villagers. It seemed that the child had not realized what was around her. I slowly walked away, looking back and nodding toward the forest. The girl seemed confused before walking closely behind me, her eyes looking at the end of my tail. I continued to wag my tail, teasing her to keep her focused as we walked past the deceased and burning houses. Once we were out of the village, I wrapped her around with the tail and lifted her up, placing her at the nook of my neck. I felt her hands quickly grasp my scales before slowly walking through the forest.

What am I to do with her, my Lord? I asked pensively.

That day, we spent walking through the forests. She hummed, singing unfamiliar muse and pointing at animals all around. I silently named them, knowing she would never hear me.

Being fully grown, I do not have the capabilities to unite with a Behemah. Even if it was Lions’ doing, we both would never be able to communicate verbally. However, something felt off about us. I can feel her senses. Her fears, her jolts of joy. And I understood she could feel mine. That is why when I looked at a bore not far from us, she said, “Hungry?”

Hold on.

Without hesitation, I flung forward, my wings lifting slightly as I glided towards the bore. Within seconds, the animals crashed between my jaws, the sounds of crushed bones echoing through the land. I can feel her body tense, wonder what she has seen.

This is not a life for you, child.

Our first night was… warm.

When night came, I lay on the floor, my chin landing on the ground as my tail wrapped around the small body and placed her by me. I watched as two young rabbits hopped a few yards from us. My claws unraveled before they quickly lunged forwards, clawing the rabbits toward me. My eyes turned a bright violet, releasing electricity through my arm and zapping the rabbits. They were gone in an instant. Pulling out my hand, I saw both rabbits were raw and burned slightly. I used my claws to slice the fur, revealing their ruby-red flesh. Using my front jaws, I ripped the meat off the bone and brought it to the golden girl, who watched the entire time. I nudged the meat and felt her gulp before reaching up, grabbing the flesh, and hesitantly eating it. Once she was done, I gave her another piece until she swallowed the whole rabbit, and a burp erupted. She giggled while I hummed.

I then gathered pieces of wood and placed them in front of the girl, who was once again singing a song. Placing one claw, I zapped it, lighting a fire. The girl once again laughed, crawling closer to it. I lay right behind her and watched her observe the flame.

Is this your first night out from home, little one?

The girl continued to watch the fire, extending her hand towards it before she hesitated and pulled it back.

Clever girl.

For a moment, we were both silent, listening to the crackle of the wood as owls hung above us.

I then felt a thump. The golden girl laid her back on my belly, a yawn coming out of her mouth before hearing her breathing steadying and her eyes closing. Soon she was asleep.

I watched her, her golden locks covering part of her face, her oversized shirt barely covering her. I blew the fire out and wrapped my tail around her. She quickly buried her face in my belly, my tail lying gently on her. I laid my head by her and sighed.

Is this what it is to be tamed? To feel?

I left those questions to the stars as slumber took over.

It was just the two of us wandering the woods for a moment. The child soon learned to sit on my back without scratching her thighs and would often point for her next meal. I taught her how to distinguish between edible fruits, where to find a water source, and how to navigate using the stars. Our days would end with a meal of berries, rabbits, and a dozen boars. The golden child was curious and joyous. There were days when she would erupt in tears, and only my wings would distract her from whatever brought pain to her heart.

Taking care of her was… challenging. She wore ripped shorts and would cry from the wind brewing as we walked through the forest. We often stayed in one spot for a couple of days due to the harsh weather. She was also getting thinner as the days went by. We Tammirs can go for months without food; however, I started to understand why humans adored creating different meals and the need for variety. The child soon became tired of apples that I would find in other abandoned villages and would cry before eating another rabbit. She didn’t like the taste of boar, and she cried an entire afternoon when I clawed the neck of a deer to the point that I had to leave the delicious meat to any other game lurking in the forest. The child also looked… dim. She wasn’t singing as much and slowly remained silent throughout the day. Her eyes were now hollower, often fidgeting and waking up through the night screaming out ‘Mother’ or unfamiliar names.

This was our forty-first day together.

I’m ready to give up this child.

In the Tammir Realm, an offspring shows no potential; we leave them by a ledge where they can be eaten or fly away and save their own life.

Is that her destiny, my Lord? I asked the heavens.

This is the seventh day where He has not responded.

I looked above to see two Tammirs flyings, red and blue beasts swirling through the clouds, their riders holding on tight. How I missed being in the clouds.

I looked back to see the girl was also looking up; however, no emotion showed. Just another blank face.

I need to leave her behind.

I stopped in my tracks and looked around. There was a small Adamah path where I stood. I pondered for a while before lifting the child and placing her down. She whined as her toes met the snow and looked up, concern and discomfort in her eyes. I leaned close to her, my nose touching her gold locks, and took in her breath.

What are we doing?

Saying goodbye.

Her eyes went wide, and tears welled up right away. Before she even opened her mouth, my head jerked to the right as I heard slow footsteps. I squint and focus on two heads a couple dozen yards away.

“Popple?” The girl probed.

I kept quiet, frozen, watching the heads turn into two figures. A male and female Adamah, wearing thick fur coats. Spears and bows are attached to their backs.

I growl lowly, my spikes shimmering as I take a step forward.

Adamah!

The war bearers. Those are the kin. The ones that needed judgment!

Do not hurt them, for they will care for her.

I stop, eyes wide. Them? Adamahs?

But they will fog her with lies. They will ruin her purity!

Yet she will do wonders in the land.

I watched as the Adamahs walked down the path. I must run before they see me.

“Popple…” The little girl cooed.

I look at the lost girl, her feet now red, her hands interlocking, her frown hurting my aching heart.

Why must I lose another child?

I walked towards her, placing my nose on her forehead, and sighed. Just a moment ago, I was willing to let her go. Why is this different?

Because you found love in her, little one.

I hear her sniffle. Does she understand what is happening?

If only I could tell her I loved her.

I pull away, her hands grasping my jaws, her eyes locked with mine. Blue and Violet, once one, now parted.

I take a few steps back, crouching down as I get deeper into the forest. All the little girl did was watch me, our eyes never breaking. When I was far enough into the woods, I stayed there, covering my head with branches nearby.

A few moments later, I heard a gasp and the two Adamahs speaking. The female approached the girl, letting down her spear and crouching in front of her. The girl hesitated, taking a step back before looking my way. I nod, hoping she sees my signal.

She does, and she looks back at the female before approaching her. The male comes along, wraps a thick fur blanket around her, and lifts her up. The three talked for a while before a cry erupted through the forest.

I wince as my heart burns through my muscles. The pain. Oh, the pain. Why must I suffer for an Adamah? Why must they take my love away again?

I watch as they walk down the path, the girl crying vicariously as she did on the day we first met. I stayed hidden until I could no longer see her.

It is only then that tears run down my eyes. Oh, how I lost something precious.

My young one.

My offspring.

The pain still lingered over the years. The pain of losing something so dear still appeared in my thoughts. Recklessly, I emerged from the forest and flew across the nation, causing many Behemahs to hunt me down. I did not kill and played their games, allowing them to chase me for miles before I entered the forest only I knew so keenly. We have played this game for a couple of decades. With no offspring or Tamer, I was but a wild Thunder Tammir. No legacy was found in me. I was just a pawn in this wild game Lion had put me in.

There have been times I sought to find my young one. Yet, I never had a lead. Where did the Adamahs come from? Did they give her a name?

It soon became evident that I was in my last days of life. My scales were turning transparent, and my vision blurred. We Tammirs age beautifully if we are cared for. But I have been alone, and death has crept up rapidly. Soon enough, my wings could not fly me over the forest, and I was back in my prison, wandering around only to stop not for food but to sleep. The agony would set in when I awoke, and I would wander again. On the fortieth day, my legs got stuck in a stump, and I fell. My legs gave out, and I felt too weak to move.

It was time.

I lay in the darkness, waiting for the Celestial One to take me away and turn me to dust. What have I done to show my life’s accomplishments? Where are my offsprings that should have been gathered here to send me away?

Where is my golden girl?

My heart ached again, and I closed my eyes, hoping they would never open again.

Footsteps. Light and alone. I wondered who would be foolish enough to walk in the depth of the forest alone. My eyes open only to see a figure not far from me. Their hood was on, yet the smell was familiar.

Adamah.

A growl erupted before it was interrupted, and a whimper emerged. The figure approached me and crouched by my face before they took down their hood.

Golden locks flowed down all the way to the ground. Her face was oval and littered with freckles, her eyes blue as deep as the ocean.

My little one.

A smile emerged, revealing the beautiful girl I found in the forest.

“Recognize me, mother?”

My eyes widened.

Mother.

And there it was. The simple and complex connection we had. I felt her love, her ecstatic joy emerged, and I knew she felt mine.

“Yup. Mother. You heard me, right? I have been looking for you, Thundra, Bearer of Lightning. But you were always too quick for us to find.”

She then sat down cross-legged and placed her hand on the side of my head. Her hands were covered with a mitten, but I could feel her warmth.

You are not cold anymore.

“I sent many Behemahs to find you. I should have gone, but I never allowed myself to unite with a Dragon. It always felt like I was disrespecting you. After all, you were my Dragon.”

“The two Adamahs you left me with? They took me in as their daughter. They were kind folk, but I never felt like I fit in. Though they still reminded me how loved, I was. When I learned how to talk, I told them about you. At first, they didn’t believe me, but then they had no choice but to believe me since I told my entire village my mother was a Dragon.”

I hummed as she laughed. The pain was getting stronger, but my eyes stared at my little one.

She squeezed my horn as she continued. “They trained me to hunt and soon took me to a master where I learned how to swordfight. The nation of Adamah took me in quickly because of my unfazed feeling about death. I soon learned how to adapt to different settings and was put on Platinum Squad, where I was sent to hunt down invaders. I managed to save countless villages. Soon, I wanted to find you, and I had enough funds to send Behemahs. It wasn’t hard to find you, seeing as you flew around Adamah for a decade. But you were too cunning and fast, and they always came back empty-handed. I didn’t mind. Just the fact that you were alive comforted me.”

My eyes softened to hear her words. I exhaled in response as my eyes started to blur out. The pain had seized, but fatigue was taking over.

No. Please don’t take me yet.

The girl knew what was going on. I can tell by her eyes softening and sorrow slowly pouring into our connection.

“I wanted to find you so badly. I needed to see you. That day when you found me, I was inches away from death. You could have easily killed me. The Tamers told me you hated Adamahs for taking away your eggs. But instead, you took me in. You adopted me for that small amount of time. No one had what we had, Mother. You fed me and tried to teach me your ways. Now I can wander the forest without fearing getting lost or finding the nearest stream. You taught me to be a survivor and a conqueror. I never once thought of you as cruel for leaving me behind. I just… I wanted to always be with you because you were closer to me as a mother than anyone else.” She then stood up and spread her arms, noticing the shiny circles on her chest.

“See these? Medals. One for every village I saved. I have forty-two, but only twelve can fit on my uniform for now.” She crouched back down. “I saved so many children because of you, Mother. You may have been lost and alone but look what you turned me into. Look at me as your legacy!”

The words stamped the final marks in my heart. My legacy. Yes. She was my legacy. My pride and joy. The only good thing that came out of me.

My vision blurred, but I kept them open. She was so beautiful. How can I let her go?

The girl closed in and placed her forehead against mine. Tears ran down my face, and I met her tears as well.

I am going away now.

“I know. And I thank you, Mother.”

I am sorry for leaving so soon.

“I am sorry for not finding you sooner.

I am proud of what you have become.

“I am proud to be your legacy.”

I love you, my little one.

“I l…