What You Lack is Trust

"I can do anything!"

"Ok. Break this wall with the power of your thoughts."

"Not that kind of anything."

"We seem to have a different understanding of what anything means."

"I mean, I'm not limited!"

"You are, you can't break the wall."

"But who cares?"

"Oh I don't but then you clearly cannot do anything."

"Must you be such an annoying 3-year old? You know what I mean. We set up cages, boundaries, limits for what we are capably of doing. We are our own prison guards, our own slaveholders! But I won't submit no more! I'm breaking out."

"You're breaking free, you mean?"

"Well... yes. Fuck yes, that's exactly what I'm doing."

"Ok you go girl."

"Why must you be so cynical? You're one of those people who kill dreams. I'm spreading my wings and you're doing your best to cut them off before I get to fly."

"I'm not doing my best at anything. I'm barely making it to tomorrow. It is not my desire to kill your dreams. But I have no energy, no perspective, no emtional capacity to support you. Wherever I look, I see misery. This is not about you. It's about me. It might be better for us to part ways. You can fly and I can... well, be miserable."

"Mamma mia, it is exhausting to even listen to you. When did you last laugh?"

"I cannot remember."

"I'll get depressed myself if I listen to you for any longer. We must do something about this! Right now."

"I don't want to do anything."

"But you're miserable!"

"Yes, and comfortable. I've gotten used to this kind of life. I barely remember another one."

"Stop it. I can't hear this anymore. Of course you'll be miserable. You breath misery. And you've married it too. You're all caught up with yourself. Nobody can live like this. Not for long in any case."

"I don't care about myself."

"And yet it's all you seem to think about."

"Yes, because I don't care about anything else either and I can't get rid of myself. I mean, I can, but I haven't gone there."

"Ok, come with me. If you have no purpose and don't care about anything or anyone, just try. Do what I do. Go where I go. If I sing, sing. If I laugh, laugh. If I cry, cry. We'll dance and fight and run around. We'll eat spicy food and take some acid."

"Oh yes, I hear drugs are a great solution for depressed individuals."

"That cynisism again. You're intolerable, but I'll try tolerating you for a bit. For you, drugs don't make a difference. Well, they might do in that their potential to rip you out of your godawful sleepwalking state outweighs any imaginable risk. You really have very little to lose, it seems. That can be powerful. You don't fall from the abyss. You're in it and whatever helps to get you anywhere else is good. Fundamentally, your problem is that you have no faith. You don't trust. And you only learn to trust by trusting. So if you trust in nothing, trust in me."

"How?"

"Don't think. Just do as I do. We can start small. I'm not trying to be a role model. But I am alive. Living. You are dead. If you want to be resurrected, you need help. And you need the ability to receive help. There are two sides to this. You've given up on everything. Just open that one channel. Do this one thing. Trust me. I can save you, if you are open to being saved. Not because I am your savior but because I am one human that is willing to help. I won't insist. I'll be out of this door in a flash if you refuse. I have big dreams. Dreams to follow. I'll spread my wings and fly, knowing that I did what I could. It's on you now. Are you willing?"

"I'll take your hand."