WHAT AM I DOING?

Now, when you look outside your window, you either hear birds chirping, the sound of cars horning, the movement of trucks blaring or the cluster of people's voices. It's so strange knowing that you being here, alive and breathing , having your own perception of life, isn't actually that important. Yes, the reality is all feelings are valid, consider both sides to a story. With the continuous interactions between being, you realize you aren't the main character, you can't always be right, you have to accept you're wrong, you learn people don't actually care about what you do but there's always going to be a moment of judgement.

"Elenara~~~", whose name is that? It sounds beautiful. "Elenara~~~~", there it is again. "Elenara ~~~~~~", wow whoever this Elenara is, someone really needs to speak with her. "ELENARAAAAAAA" *SPLASH*, I jolted up feeling a whole bucket of cold water flooded all over my body and bed, breathing it into my nose, almost choking me. " Elenara, how many times do you want me to scream your name? Do you know what time it is? You'll be late for school, if you don't go take your bath and do the needed prparations", I heard my mother ramble on and on while I sit up in my bed with shivers running down my back and a cold brewing. " Now, get up and get ready for school." my mother said. she walked out the door and I mumbled under my breath " With the way you just spilled cold water over, if I catch a cold, I wouldn't be able to go".

I quickly got up and took a hot shower. I already got my uniform ironed and prepared for the day. I quickly went downstairs and grabbed breakfast, nothing too much. I told my mum bye and went out for school.

I walk down the road recognizing the black coloured gates with the horrifying imitation of students painted out over the gate. I mean why would somebody's' child look like this. As I got closer I recognized the annoying sounds of chatter and laughter among my peers, girls giggling, grabbing each others' ass and comparing their boobs to one another. I just wondered off passed them and went to my classroom. Yup, as ridiculous as this may be, I'm extremely socially anxious and I would rather sit out on my own than try to socialize with anyone in my grade.

The school bell rang for us to start the day and as so, my first period teacher just walked in, and from there the day has started.

It's fifth period already and I can't wait to leave school and get to my comfy and warm bed. I can't wait to just be alone and be on my phone constantly. Being a loner is pretty sad, but I am too scared to actually communicate with people. I mean what's the point, I've tried starting up conversations with numerous people and the conversations have never gotten me anywhere. I either say something utterly foolish or I scare them away with my weirdness. At this point, I've given up on this whole socializing thing. I die from extreme anxiety and self isolation when I feel I've made a complete and utter fool of myself. And people mistake that fear I have to pride.

I'm not proud, that's something I know I'm not. With the amount of fear I have when it comes to talking to people is funny, cause it's ridiculous. I mean does anyone really know what they are doing? What they are saying, It's just a damn conversation for goodness sakes. My biggest fear is making a fool of myself, and that's because my fear of dying alone hasn't come about.

One thing I've really noticed in society is that without socialization, would you really survive? Can I survive without friends, a lover ( ironic cause I'm a hopeless romantic), having a family. Loneliness will kill me and I can't live with that, But people are scarier.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when my government teacher calls my name, " Elenara, where's your mind? I've been calling your name out. answer my question please." I looked at him like a deer caught in headlights, I honestly don't know what question he's asking.

The guy beside me whispered "He's asking the date ecowas was established", I caught on quickly and answered " It was established on the 28th of may 1975". Our teacher went on with the class looking at me with sceptism in his eyes. I thanked my seat neighbor and merely gave me a nod. The class has finally ended but i have one more in order to end the day,Yipee.