We're Gulden

Perry thought about how far he’d come in just six months. Fresh out of college, brand new job, & now he had a date with Leah. They had reservations at a nice restaurant after work. It would be “go as you are” because of the storm that had been forecast, but it was still a date. Every relationship had to begin somewhere.

He tried to compare how nervous he had been just ten minutes ago with the elation he felt now. He wanted to go & tell Corbin the wonderful news—he couldn’t think of anyone who would normally be happier for him—but Corbin had been seeming down in the dumps lately & Perry thought perhaps he shouldn’t bother him.

Aw heck! He felt like shouting it from the rooftop for all the world to hear. “She said yes! We’ve got a date!” Then again, that probably wouldn’t be too cool. It might even cost him his cause for celebration. Still, he couldn’t contain his excitement completely as he skipped back to his desk, rubbing his hands together so feverishly you would have sworn he was trying to start a fire.

“Maybe that’s not a bad thought,” Perry mused as he leaned back in his chair, hands folded behind his head with exquisite satisfaction. He mused over what it would be like if she decided to come home with him, have drinks before the fire, & weather the storm together. They were predicting this one was going to be a beast. They had given up talking about inches & had resorted to using feet for the snow they were expecting. Even at that, they weren’t sure what the upward limit might be. Road crews were getting ready, but it could be another five days before they would even manage to clear the roads in town.

Five days! Five days alone with Leah! No funny business, just five whole days to get to know one another! Wouldn’t that just be heaven?

He thought again about Corbin & wondered how he was doing. Perry’s desk was clear. He had nothing to do but wait for five p.m. He could afford some time to think about his friend.

Corbin had been the first to greet him on day one. He had seen Perry walking down the hall & met him at the door—actually opening the door for him just as he was reaching for the handle. He’d been nervous as all get out on his way to the office & that one off-balance moment could have done him in. But Corbin had taken all the edges away by greeting him as though they were long lost buddies.

“Ah, it’s the new guy!” Corbin had exclaimed as he wrapped his arm not quite around his shoulder but not quite around his neck either. “It’s Perry, isn’t it?” he had asked.

“Yes, yes, that’s right. Perry. Perry Gulden.”

“Ah, my boy, let me tell you, we’re gonna be Gulden in this office from here on out—except for one thing.” Then he had put Perry into a headlock & tousled his hair. “No one gets to be perfectly coiffed around here. You’ll make the rest of us look bad!”

Corbin had then released his grip on Perry’s head, pointed to an empty desk in the corner of the room & said, “That one’s yours, now get your butt to work,” tossing his leg up behind his other to kick Perry in the glutes. “I’ll be right over with a bunch of stuff & show you what we do. By the way, I’m Corbin. Glad to meet you.”

By the time Perry had seated himself at his desk, Corbin had returned, a pile of papers in one hand & a flower in the other. He slapped the papers down on the desk, walked around it & deposited the flower in Perry’s shirt pocket. “A merry-guld for a merry Perry Gulden.”

He had to have planned that. And sure, it was corny. But Perry had loved it. He enjoyed that sort of humor. And just like that, he knew he was going to like it here. He was home.

Everyone had been welcoming. At the end of the day, his co-workers had taken him out for drinks. Corbin had been the life of the party, telling stories on his co-workers (& himself), helping Perry to feel as though he’d known them his whole life. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been with a group of people who laughed so much & enjoyed one another so thoroughly.

Over the course of those past six months, however, he had come to understand that this was not the only side of Corbin he would meet. There were times when he could just be quiet, not saying more than two words all day—& into the evening if they had gone to the bar. He would sit there, hunched over, nursing his drink, closing his eyes & simply listening to the conversations around the table.

At times he seemed almost bipolar, though Perry was pretty sure Corbin’s mood swings were not so erratic as to qualify. He had once witnessed one thing, however, that made him wonder. It had been a night when Corbin was on fire. As people began to leave, Corbin said he was going to hit the john. Perry had thought that sounded like a good idea, had laid his coat back on the chair, & followed just a little way behind.

As he had opened the door, he’d caught a glimpse of Corbin in the mirror, leaning against the side of the first stall. He looked as though he might collapse, all the joy drained from the face that had just regaled them for two hours. He seemed old & weary. Perry had watched him until he entered the stall & appeared to be alright. Then he had backed out, quietly closed the bathroom door & left.

However, the next day Corbin was just fine at the office. Quiet, but fine. And Perry had dismissed it as a one-off.

But this funk he had been in for the last several days was different & his friends in the office were becoming concerned. His demeanor seemed to drop by the hour. His eyes often glazed over &, if you asked him something, chances were he wouldn’t have heard you. Then there were the things he did with his hands, clenching & unclenching his fists, twisting his fingers into anguished claws, then violently shaking his hands. From time to time, he would pound his forehead with the heel of his hand or slap his face. The slaps were loud & the pounding fierce, as though he either wanted or needed to hurt himself.

They all wanted to do something to lift him up, but he didn’t seem to want to talk with anyone. They had begun brainstorming what they might do when he wasn’t within earshot. They pretended to be working as they conspired, passing notes & sharing ideas. They had thought about surprising him with something this weekend, but the forecast made it doubtful.

Perry sat in his chair, wanting to share the joyous news with his friend, yet knowing he couldn’t. The glee with which he had entered the room faded with concern. He was worried.

And then he heard laughter…, from Leah! She burst through the door—Perry could just see Corbin standing in the other room looking stunned & shattered—shaking her head, her body still wracked with laughter.

No sooner had the door closed behind her than she burst into tears. She ran to Perry & threw herself into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Perry. Please forgive me,” she wept into his shoulder.

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but all he could manage was to hold her in his arms & do his best to comfort her as she sobbed. He vowed to himself that he would stay like this for as long as she needed, even if it meant his arms might fall off.

They almost did. After five minutes both had turned numb. He tried to get the circulation going again by gently rubbing her back, hoping to help them both at the same time. But that was not only difficult, it also felt stiff & painful. He decided to leave them where they were & simply adjust the pressure with which he held her from time to time. When he felt he had to let go he tried to shift his focus back to her & whatever this was she was going through.

Nearly an hour had passed before she eased her grip on him. It was already ten minutes past five. Everyone else would be gone by now, some of them leaving early to make sure they stayed ahead of the storm. Her sobbing had quieted to a gentle weeping. A couple of times he wondered if she had fallen asleep.

He eased her into a chair next to his desk, sat down & rolled over to where he could still gently hold her by the arms which now sat limply upon her lap. He thought about shaking the life back into his own before touching her again but decided against it as it might send the wrong message.

He settled for simply holding her hands as they rested on her knees. He leaned down, looking for her eyes which were stubbornly focused on her stomach. A few tears had fallen from her cheeks, leaving dark, moist circles in her jeans.

“What happened?” he asked. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

She reached for a tissue, conveniently located on the front corner of his desk, wiped tears & most of the makeup from around her eyes, blew her nose & crumpled the tissue in her hand. “Oh, it’s really nothing. I’m just being silly. I feel kind of foolish right now.” She brushed something from the corner of her eye with a finger from her free hand, never looking up.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, Leah?” he asked again, speaking her name with an earnest tenderness. “I heard you laughing in the other room. Did Corbin say something? Did he do something to you?”

“Of course not,” she replied with a matter-of-fact tone. “He was perfectly lovely & sweet, just like he always is.” She lifted her head just a little & looked off to the side at nothing in particular. “But I’m afraid I might have hurt him…, which is the last thing I would want to do.”

She buried her face in her hands & began weeping again. She hurt him? How was that even possible? Perry couldn’t begin to imagine what had gone on in that room.

For the first time since rushing in, she looked up at him in desperate earnest, grabbing him by the elbows. “And I would never want to hurt you, either…, but I’m afraid I might.”

Perry was confused. How might she hurt him? How had she hurt Corbin? He could still picture him in the other room looking shattered & dazed. After the way he had been this past week…?

Now he was worried about Corbin again. He went to the door & looked in the room. It was empty. It was five thirty-two. He stood there until the clock said five thirty-three, puzzling over what had happened.

Then he gave up, turned around & asked, “Shall we talk about it over dinner? If we don’t leave now, we’ll lose our reservation.”

She looked down, wiped her nose again with the dirty tissue, & nodded her head.