The Correct Way to Eat M&Ms

Although there are indeed many ways to eat M&Ms, this Guide will instruct those that find pleasure in learning the best, most enjoyable, and to the mind of the author: the Only Correct Way to consume a packet of M&Ms.

According to research, the average singe packet of the OG Milk Chocolate M&Ms have 55 candies within the handy wrapper-pouch. As there are the variation most easily available (dear reader: please do NOT attempt to sidetrack me with such abomination as seasonal M&Ms, although once you master the technique you may employ the process on any gathering of M&Ms, even the rogue handful from a party dish! Such is the usefulness of Understanding and Order!) we shall use the Milk Chocolate package for this Guide.

Color Distribution Within the M&M Bag

Mars, Inc is the parent of M&Ms (all M&Ms, even the abominable seasonal flavors!) and they suggest a 1.69 oz bag of, as they call it, Plain M&Ms will have

• 13% brown
• 13% red
• 14% yellow
• 16% green
• 20% orange
• 24% blue

(Let us pause a moment and consider the fall from prominence of the Brown M&M, which was the MOST Common M&M in the 1990s and is now the Most Rare.

That Most Rare distinction used to be the late, lamented Tan M&M, an Original Color which was inexplicably discontinued mid 1990s. The two most-populous colors are the Upstarts: Orange and Blue, which was voted into being in 1995.

Were I a Brown M&M, I would take heed of that Perilous Position of Most Rare, and treasure my days in The Bag!)

One additional note regarding distribution that simply Must Be Addressed lest the reader's preoccupation with Other Types of M&Ms cloud their reading of this Guide; the Lasalle University discovered that the distribution of colors were affected by the packaging plant and the Flavor, as shown below. (Note the Perfection of M&M's Pretzel Variation!)

While M&M Pretzel and Dark are Proper and Demure within the package, presenting no-to-little confusion and Exhibiting Order amidst the Chaos of Life, Milk Chocolate M&Ms provide us with Opportunity to impose clarity, hence this Guide.

Preparing the M&Ms for Consumption

Step 1: Open the Bag and remove ALL of the candies.

Step 2: Sort the candies by color, arranging them in a straight line (ideal if space allows) or orderly piles.

Step 3: Isolate any smashed, mis-coated, or 'Nubbins of Candy' and eat them immediately as you sort. Note that a nuanced description of 'Nubbins of Candy' is not given as it will not be needed as You sort. If your bag has a 'Nubbin' it will be immediately obvious to you, and eating such is an intuitive response, so much so that I am embarrassed to include this direction, but truly must as detail directs.

Step 4: Arrange the color lines/piles in Rainbow Order, following the accepted ROYGBIV, modified to reflect the available M&M colors. For our purposes it will be:

Red /Orange /Yellow /Green /Blue /Brown

Step 5: 'Even The Colors'. Your goal is to identify the color with the fewest candies and eat the number of each other color to achieve parity of number among all colors present. As Math is difficult, especially when one NEEDS chocolate, here is an example:

Red=8, Orange = 10, Yellow= 7, Green=9, Blue=15, Brown= 6

Using this extremely probable example, the plan is to reduce all colors to number six candies. We do this by reducing the number from highest to lowest:

Eat in this order: 9 blue, 4 orange, 3 green, 2 red, 1 yellow. The result is then six of each color:

Step Six: Consume the Chocolates in the modified ROYGBIV order, removing one candy from each color in turn, to preserve the Equality of Colors.

Conclusion

These Steps, once mastered, may be used with any Variety of M&M chocolates, even the Seasonal Variety (if one must). For your tastebuds' sake; I implore you to spare yourself the confusion of the adulteration that is White Chocolate Candy Corn.

Additional Reading

https://joshmadison.com/2007/12/02/mms-color-distribution-analysis/

https://www.mms.com/en-us/explore/about-us

http://www1.lasalle.edu/~prushan/Measurement%20Statistics-lab2.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u1FO6Uwv4Y&t=3s

https://www.reddit.com/r/PetPeeves/comments/16t6pxm/people_who_do_not_eat_mms_correctly/