Waves

Jennifer gripped the iron rail overlooking the rocky beach. Couples laughed, dancing from the cold water’s edge. Children clapped for waterlogged dogs with frisbees clenched in their teeth. She hated them all. She wanted to crack those neon discs in half and toss them at the feet of heartbroken children. Burst through clasped hands, sending dancing lovers falling to their knees. Shame on these strangers for not knowing what today was. At least the sun had the decency to hide behind a gray veil.

Stomping along the piles of rocks, she imagined spraining an ankle, cracking her knees, or scraping her hands. Something to slow her down, some new pain to focus on. But there it was, barely above the surface at high tide. She sat down and waited for her destination to reveal itself, letting the waves advance and retreat like a kicked puppy.

Life continued around her as she became the beach’s newest landmark. Over hours, tail between its legs, the lapping waves receded. A family of jutting rocks grew taller, exposing algae and barnacles to the dim sun. Just past the zenith, the tide at its nadir, Jennifer slipped along the revealed path. Persistently stumbling over small tide pools, she ignored the trapped bits of life and trash. Abandoned shells were crushed to dust beneath her feet. She stopped just ten feet from shore. Ten feet between life and death.

A cracked obelisk of no real importance. It was not home to some rare plant, nor did Jesus or Elvis deign to make an appearance. Just another brown rock drying in the sun. Jennifer ran her hand over the top, where the stain should be. Gone, cleansed. No. Devoured by the ocean.

A young boy scuttled through the rocks, stuffing shells in his pockets. He asked if she was okay. She said she was fine. Later, a young woman broke from her lover and asked if she was okay. Jennifer cried out that she was fine. The waves crept over her legs when an older gentleman yelled to her from the shore,” Are you all right?” She screamed that she was fine. The world faded away, and Jennifer felt a soft pressure on her shoulder. The weight was equal parts love and longing. She knew enough mythology not to look. That was against the rules, but she could talk.

“No, I’m not fine. You know why. Know what? Coming out here, the first thing I heard was your voice and that god awful kids joke. What did the sea say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved. And, lord help me, I laughed. I threw a tiny green rock at you, but I laughed. Now I look out there and think: Why is the sea a whore? Because she stole my man. Not as funny? I didn’t think so either. It’s been a year, and time hasn’t healed shit. So here I am. Maybe the sea will cleanse me of the pain, just like it wiped you out of my life.”

“Sweetie?”

Jennifer felt her ghost disappear. She spat into the ocean slowly devouring her. Lost him again. She turned and snarled out a ‘what’ from blue lips. Jennifer softened when she saw the old woman in her rubber boots, the tops barely above the lapping waves. Gray hair poked out from her green hoodie. Each wrinkle seemed like an account of every kindness she had ever bestowed on another person. Jennifer felt the pull to run into those thin arms. So, she turned away and shrank into her own frozen limbs.

“Dear, I think you’ve sat there long enough to wash away whatever sins you might have.”

“Maybe I’m here for the ocean’s sins. To take its confession.”

“Oh, darlin’, even God wouldn’t have the time or the heart to take on that burden. Why don’t you come for a cup of tea? I live up over that hill. You can tell me what sins the waves committed against you.”

“I met my husband on a beach like this. A little warmer. Coming out of the foam, laughing like a child after he’d just wiped out. Told me later his mom was a mermaid. That’s why she gave him up for adoption. So, I made the water and beach my life so I could have even just a part of him. Then, one stupid day, on this stupid rock, he slips. Just slips. Hits his head, falls between the rocks, and gets battered. Drowns. He loved the water, maybe even more than me, and it fucking killed him.”

“The sea and its waves give us life, but like any god worth its salt, it’ll take it away to teach you the most important lesson.”

“And what’s that?”

“That they are powerful and we are not.”

Jennifer looked back at the woman, “So, do you believe in God?”

“Well, sweetie, that is a bit muddled. After a few late-night sips, I wonder if all that talk of forgiveness is so we’ll forgive Him for everything He’s done. But, that is a conversation in need of a warm fire. Why don’t we go in for that cuppa? Maybe add a few drops of brandy to warm you up.”

“ I don’t know that I want to live without him.”

“Well, why don’t we think on that by the fire. For now, the sea took your love, and you’ve given it your tears. The salty bitch doesn’t deserve your life.”

Jennifer sobbed and laughed, wiping frozen snot away with her soaked sleeve. The woman’s kindness, shining brighter than the sun, overpowered her will. She crawled over the disappearing rocks, waves pushing and pulling at her icy body. The old woman led her back to shore with a strong, bony grip. Jennifer stumbled in the sand and let her savior lend enough strength for her to stand. As she wobbled across smooth stones, she knew. She knew he was standing behind her, knee deep in the water he loved. The god whose trespass would always be forgiven. Even if it was weak and half-hearted, her lips remembered how to smile, thinking of him full of laughter and love. Saying nothing, but waving goodbye.