Tuto and I

I heard the familiar hooting at dusk. Her bright orange eyes glowed at me, inviting me in. A deep contentment warmed my body and I fell back into a light sleep and into Tuto’s skin. We had grown accustomed to living in the same skin at night, she and I. Tuto shared her secrets with me when I most needed them; we hunted, flew, and ruled the night together.

We began by hunting. We could hear the rustle of field mice and rabbits below in the heavy brush. Our eyes could cut through the darkening sky like knives. There was plenty of prey to be found. All that mattered was what we wanted to eat and when.

Tuto made the decision. We swooped down silently and grabbed a field mouse who was unlucky enough to run out from the bush in search of its own meal. We could taste fresh blood and meat and hear the slowing of the mouse’s heart as it began to die from its wounds. We quickly devoured it and moved on.

What troubles your soul? Tuto asked. Why have you called me?

I can find no way to stay in my home. I told her. I’ve been here since I was a girl and cannot leave. This is where I come from, my heart and soul. But there is not enough money. There never is.

Tuto could always see what I could not. This is your childhood that you are letting go? She asked.

Yes. I responded.

Let the girl die and the woman be born. She advised me. Only then can you see your life clearly and move forward as you should.

She was right, of course. Tuto always was.

I have nowhere to go. I explained to her. Who would want a low-wage person on their doorstep?

I can see those that love you. She replied. Relax and allow yourself to feel them. They are there.

I did as I was bid. There was my cousin, my best friend from high school, and my roommate from college. All there, all warm. I felt a comfort I had not felt for years.

Your girlish pride keeps you from their love. Let the girl die and the woman be born.

We flew into the eaves of the local church to rest and scour the local graveyard for prey. Our head turned round and back again, our eyes spying all that was around. And there it was - a ground squirrel scurrying for its hole. We dove silently and grabbed it with our talons, hungry for our meal.

Sell the house. Tuto told me. Your home will always be in your heart. Sell it and take the memory with you. Become the woman you were meant to become. It’s time to explore the world, to find a different way. You earned good grades in college, did you not? A master’s would earn you much more money. Why do you stay where you’re at?

I had never considered an advanced education as a possibility. Without the burden of supporting a home, it would now be well within reach. Tuto was as wise as ever. A master’s in Psychology was the ticket to a real living.

The dark sky was made darker by the clouds that drifted into town. Tuto and I flew around the graveyard, our eyes glowing orange and seeing things no one else could see. Rabbits, mice, and squirrels ran from us. It didn’t matter. They were of no interest to us after our last meal.

Look! Tuto demanded. There’s the grave of Mr. Henderson, who never left town. He has had only one death and that death is final. Over there is Mrs. Richardson, who always wanted to own her own floral shop. It never happened. She never learned to kill the girl ….

I was resolved. It was time to become the woman I was meant to become, with no hesitation. Tuto and I flew upward and out of the graveyard, beyond the cloudbank to where the moon shone bright. We were one with the night and the moon lived within us, showing us its secrets of change and womanhood.

We flew in silent harmony for the rest of the night, sampling mice and rabbits and squirrels. Each catch made us stronger and more determined than ever to change and be born anew. We were mesmerized by the coming dawn, which brought the sun to replace our moon.

Tuto returned me to my bed a few minutes before dawn, then retreated to her spot in the barn behind my house. I slept deeply and soundly, in a way I had not done for months.

The rays of newborn sunshine hit my eyes and called me to the day. I awoke in peace. Silently, I searched my computer for local real estate agents. It was time for the girl to die and the woman to be born.