How To Stop Feeling Anything

‘What was that?’

‘Oh, nothing. Just forget about it. It's not relevant to what we're talking about. It would have been then, but not now. Things are different now.’

‘So, are you saying I don't matter?’

‘No, I'm just saying I'm feeling broken.’

‘But we are talking, aren't we? Isn't this a conversation?’

‘Yes, it's words. But I'm not feeling anything. You just didn't want to hear what I was saying.’

‘I'm listening now.’

‘It's too late now. I don't feel anything anymore, so just forget it.’

‘Maybe you just want to revisit it? I'll listen now.’

‘Okay, I felt neglected when you sided with someone else and forgot about me.’

‘When was that?’

‘A couple of years ago.’

‘I don't remember that.’

‘Of course, you don't. You were off in your own world, remember? In the garden, happily tending to the plants, as usual.’

‘Yes, what's wrong with that?’

‘Plants and houses don't have feelings. I do. And you didn't care about mine, then expected me to care about yours. You forgot what I was going through.’

‘I didn't realize it.’

‘I told you how I felt.’

‘I'm sorry.’

‘That's all you ever say. Sorry doesn't fix things.’

‘Then what will?’

‘I was broken. I still am.’

‘I'm sorry.’

‘Just forget it. Do you remember the time I was standing on the cliff? I almost jumped, and a wave nearly dragged me into the water.’

‘I don't recall that.’

‘I do. I don't think I ever told you. Sorry.’

‘It's alright. You should try to forget about it.’

‘The waves just kept getting bigger, and I felt so helpless. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction, so I didn't jump.’

‘Good for you.’

‘Yeah, good for me. Though I kind of regret not jumping.’

‘I don't. I'm glad you're here. Even if you're not entirely happy.’

’You're the reason I'm not entirely happy.’

‘So, what's wrong?’

‘It's always the same. You never listen when I'm actually telling you what happened, and then it's too late.’

‘Can't we just drop it?’

‘I know you can, but I can't.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it's important to me. It's stuck with me like an iron-on patch. I can't just get rid of it.’

‘So, you're blaming me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘I just told you. You never listen.’

‘I am now.’

‘Yeah, you're listening now. Like it matters.’

‘Only now is supposed to matter, nothing else.’

‘We all have a memory.’

‘I guess so. What's your point?’

‘My point is you never listen. If you did, you'd know.’

‘I am listening.’

‘Good. Because I don't. Forget it. You were always like this.’

‘Like what?’

‘Avoiding the important stuff.’

‘There wasn't time.’

‘Perhaps not, but even with time now, those unresolved issues left deep scars. They're still bleeding, can't you tell?’

‘No.’

‘Of course not.’

‘What do you mean, of course?’

‘You couldn't see it before, so how could you possibly see it now?’

‘That's not fair.’

‘I know it isn't. And that's exactly how I've felt.’

‘I'm not sure I understand.’

‘Me neither. I could never figure out the family stuff. That's why I left, to avoid more hurt.’

‘I'm sorry.’

‘It's okay; it doesn't matter anymore. Just forget about it.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘I don't think so. It's all broken, beyond fixing.’

‘I'm sorry.’

‘It's too late now. Goodbye.’

‘See you again, hopefully?’

‘Hope springs eternal; you never know.’