Traditions (Chapter 6)

Chapter Six

No sooner had Stuart left us, than I collapsed onto my bed, with my head in my hands. Charlie sat down beside me and tried rubbing my shoulders and back, trying to offer some support, but I wasn’t sure how much good it was doing. I was truly shaken by what had just happened and I had no idea just how I was going to face any of my family.

Before I could think or react further, however, the next thing I knew was that we could hear footsteps coming up the hall. I looked up just as Pippa appeared at the door, her face showing compassion and concern beyond her tender years. Quickly she sat down beside me and took hold of my hand.

‘You don't have anything to worry about, Kieran,’ she said.

‘That’s easy for you to say.’

‘It's going to be fine. Listen, you don’t think you're the only gay in our little family village, do you?’

‘What?’ I squeaked.

Just then my mother appeared at the door, also looking concerned. I looked up at her, then back to Pippa.

‘What do you mean by that?’ I asked. ‘Who else?’

Pippa just smiled at me, then she turned towards my mother. ‘Have you told him about Patrick yet?’ she asked, before standing up.

Mum simply shook her head, folded her arms in front of herself and looked away.

‘Kieran really needs to know he’s not alone, Aunty. Perhaps now might be a good time?’ Pippa suggested. ‘I’ll go and help mum and Nan finish serving up lunch.’

She left us after that, but not before leaning over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek then ruffling up my hair.

I looked up at mum but said nothing. Eventually she glanced back at me.

‘Don’t look at me like that, Kieran.’

‘Who is Patrick?’ I asked.

Mum let out a sigh, then came and sat down in the spot that Pippa had just vacated.

‘What did Pippa mean when she said I needed to know I’m not alone? Is he a relative?’

‘He’s our cousin. Your cousin too, really.’

‘So why haven’t I heard about him? Is he gay?’

I could see that mum was having trouble with something, but it wasn’t something she was going to be able to easily share.

‘Please, mum,’ I urged her.

‘He . . . he’s Trish’s and my first cousin, but he was disowned by the family long before you were born . . .’

‘Because he was gay?’

‘Yes, dear. And we haven’t seen or heard from him in thirty years. Last we heard he was in Sydney . . . but who knows where he might be now.’

I felt Charlie squeeze my hand and I glanced his way.

‘It didn’t sound like Pippa was freaking out about having a gay cousin . . . or should that be cousins? I really think it’s all going to be okay.’

I turned back towards mum and noticed her studying me.

‘Charlie’s right, Kieran. That was all a long time ago and I think we’ve all finally gotten used to the idea that there are gay people in this world . . . even in our family. Nobody out there in our dining room is going to give you or Charlie any grief. To be on the safe side, I had even let Trish know before they came today . . .’

‘You what? Why would you do that?’

‘Because I didn’t want there to be any surprises. She promised that she had spoken with them and that no matter what might happen today they were not to react. We even had a chat about Patrick and had a good old laugh about some of the things he used to do when we were kids. Trish was fine about it all, and the rest of our family will be as well. So how about you go and wash up, then we’ll go and enjoy our Christmas lunch. After that we’ll tell you everything you want to know.’

I could feel a tear that had been building decide that right at this moment would be a good time to make an appearance, and as I blinked, I felt it roll down my cheek. Mum offered a little smile, then reached up and brushed it away, before leaning in and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

‘We’ll give you boys a few minutes, then come out, okay . . .’

‘Didn’t I just do that?’ I asked.

For a moment her face looked blank, but then my mother smiled, as Charlie chuckled beside me.

‘I guess you just did, honey. I guess you just did!’

Five minutes later we entered the dining room to find everyone seated around a table weighed down with the entire feast we were about to consume, and with two chairs vacant at the end of the table.

‘And it’s about time, you two,’ Nan said to us, while standing up as we approached her. I stopped in front of her and looked down into her loving expression, which was easy to do, given that she barely came up to my shoulder. ‘We all love you, K-bear, and nothing is going to change that, you hear? Nobody here cares two hoots if the person you love is another boy. You got that?’

Then before I could even respond she pulled me in for a hug.

‘K-bear?’ I heard Charlie whisper, as I was wrapped up in Nan’s arms, which was followed by a giggle.

‘And that’ll be enough from you, Cha-cha,’ Nan said to him directly, a stern expression on her face, which soon broke out into a smile. He too was embraced by my grandmother, while he blushed a deep shade of crimson. Then one by one the remainder of our visitors stood up and came around the table to do the same.

‘See! What did I tell you?’ said Pippa as she hugged me.

‘Well, I sure didn’t see that coming,’ Pop said, shaking his head slowly, but giving me a broad smile as he shook my hand.

‘You’re still Kieran, and that’s all that matters,’ said Aunt Trish, before she then looked at Charlie. ‘As long as you treat him right, that’s all I ask.’

‘Of course,’ Charlie replied.

My parents remained seated as the procession continued and every one of my relatives came and told us that it didn’t matter, or that they still loved me . . . and by the same token, that included Charlie as well. And then, finally it was Stuart’s turn.

‘I’m . . . I’m really sorry!’ he said to us. ‘I didn’t mean anything by what I said . . . I was just . . . I dunno . . . shocked, I guess . . . even if we already did know about you and Charlie. I’ve never seen two boys kiss before!’

‘It’s fine,’ I said to him, before pulling him in for a hug. As I did so I glanced across at my parents, both of whom were smiling at us. ‘I guess it came as a shock to me as well, Stewie. It wasn’t until afterwards that we found out that you guys already knew . . .’

‘Not all of us,’ Pop said.

‘Really?’ I asked him.

‘No,’ added Aunt Trish. ‘Your mum only told me last night, but I thought it might be a good idea to at least let this lot know, so that they wouldn’t put their foot in it. I didn’t get to tell mum and dad.’

‘Well, like that really worked,’ my father said, with a laugh.

I looked at Charlie and could see him grinning.

‘So, I guess the cat’s well and truly out of the bag now then?’ I said to him.

‘Apparently so,’ Charlie replied. ‘And I told you it would be okay, didn’t I?’

‘I guess you did,’ I answered him, as I reached my hand out towards him. He took the hint and did the same, then hand in hand we walked back to our chairs at the end of the table, while everyone else resumed their seats as well.

I heard a giggle coming from the side of the table where my cousins and brother were sitting, which was quickly silenced when Kevin gave his brother a playful slap up the back of his head.

‘I think it’s time for a toast,’ my father said, as he stood up, holding a glass in his hand.

When I looked around the table I noticed there was a full glass of something in front of everybody. Our glasses, along with those of my three cousins, appeared to be Coca Cola, while my parents, grandparents and uncle and aunt appeared to have something a little stronger.

‘Times they are a changing,’ dad said. ‘And people need to change also. Not so long ago the thought of Kieran and Charlie being together was something I just could not understand, or accept. It was wrong, based on everything I had ever been taught . . .’

He stopped and looked directly at the two of us, his expression blank at first, but after a few moments I saw the corners of his mouth turn up slightly. At the same time I felt Charlie’s hand grip mine just that little bit tighter.

‘But these last few days I’ve begun to question just what it was that I had been taught,’ my father continued. ‘Seeing these two together is no different to seeing any two people together who are in a relationship. So, what I would like to say is this . . . on this day, when family is all that matters, I would like us all to raise our glasses . . .’

On saying this, everyone picked up their glass and held it in front of them . . . even Toby, though he couldn’t resist taking a sip first.

‘So, here’s to Kieran and Charlie,’ my father said. ‘For their showing us the way. For showing us that we don’t always have to conform to the old standards, or traditions. And for showing us that love always wins. ’

‘To Kieran and Charlie,’ my family echoed.

After our initial shock had subsided, our Christmas lunch proceeded pretty much as every Christmas lunch before it. The clinking of silverware and the hum of conversation filled the air. There was very little said about the two of us, and my earlier feelings of being trapped by the secret that Charlie and I had shared soon evaporated.

Once the meal was finished and the table cleared we all adjourned to the backyard, where we sat around on the verandah or in the shade of the gum trees that ran down one side of the yard. Toby and Stuart pulled a basketball from the garden shed where it usually sat, then tried shooting some hoops where the ring was fastened to the back of the garage, laughing at each other as they missed time and time again. I think the rest of us were more interested in sleeping off our meal than doing anything that required effort.

Pippa and Kevin sat down with Charlie and me in the shade of one of the gum trees. I sensed they wanted to talk, but nothing was said. Instead, we were all concentrating on our siblings.

After about half an hour the basketball was left lying in the grass, and two sweaty teens came past us, heading for the back door and most likely to the refrigerator in the kitchen.

Silence hung in the air, but before it became too awkward Pippa finally said to me, ‘That wasn’t so bad, right?’

‘No, it wasn’t. All of you were right. I was worried for nothing.’

‘Honestly, I think it’s great. You two are way better than most couples I know, so it’s great that you can now stop hiding it,’ said Pippa.

‘And what your dad said,’ Kevin added. ‘Like . . . wow!’

‘Yeah,’ I replied. ‘That did take me by surprise.’

‘And not just you,’ added Charlie.

‘But in a good way, right?’ asked Kevin.

‘Yeah, cuz. Most definitely,’ I replied.

‘So, how long have you two been together?’ asked Pippa.

‘What day is it?’ asked Charlie.

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘He means that, officially, it has only been a few days,’ I responded.

‘It’s kind of a long story,’ Charlie added.

‘I think we have plenty of time,’ said Kevin.

Charlie and I grinned at each other.

‘Well, as you know, I’ve been away working in the city and came home this week for Christmas,’ I said. ‘We had been together, unofficially of course, before I had left here, and then we got together again when I got back . . . I went to see him after I had found out about his mum.’

‘And that’s where things started getting complicated,’ added Charlie.

When we finally finished telling Kevin and Pippa our story, which included the details of Charlie’s recent visit to the local hospital – but not our more intimate moments, of course – we were quickly embraced by both my cousins. It felt so good to be able to share our story and not have people judge us, while accepting us for who we were. In fact it was just the opposite of what we had both expected might happen; we received nothing but unconditional love from my entire family.

And that was the greatest Christmas gift of all.

Toby and Stuart had continued playing basketball during our conversation with the others, with their laughter filling the backyard with joy. When they noticed us hugging they tossed the ball aside and came over to us, dropping their sweaty bodies onto the grass beside us.

‘Was that fun, boys?’ Kevin asked them.

‘Hell, yeah,’ Stuart replied. ‘But I think I need another drink now. So, what were you guys all talking about? Why were you all hugging?’

‘Kieran and Charlie were just telling us about what has been happening around here.’

‘You mean, K-bear and Cha-Cha kissing?’ Stuart shot back.

‘That’s enough of that,’ Pippa scolded him, and judging by the expression on his face he knew he had overstepped the mark once more.

‘Sorry,’ he said to us.

‘It’s okay, mate. I know it’s all a lot to take in,’ I replied.

‘Nah, it’s cool. I know I can be a doofus sometimes, but I get it, really I do. You guys are into each other. It’s no different to a boy having a girlfriend, is it? Boys in my class at school have got girlfriends . . . and I think two of them might even be boyfriends. Isn’t all that really matters whether you’re happy? So if you’re happy, then I guess I’m happy. I just want to know though; did you guys get matching Christmas pyjamas?’

‘But we don’t wear pyjamas,’ Charlie replied for us both, giving me a wink as he did so. That was all that was needed for us all to crack up laughing, which quickly attracted the attention of our parents and grand-parents.

‘And just what is going on over here?’ Uncle Leo asked, as he wandered towards us, with a beer in hand.

‘Charlie was just sayin’ . . .’ Stuart began to say, but was quickly cut short with another slap up the back of his head from his brother.

‘Doofus!’ Kevin scolded him.

‘You’ll never learn, will you Stewie?’ his father said, while laughing at him. ‘Anyhow, children o’ mine, we’ll be heading off shortly, so how about you guys start getting your stuff together, eh?’

As my cousins grumbled, their father wandered back towards the rest of our family, while the rest of us dragged ourselves to our feet. Stuart and Toby raced inside and I soon saw them through the kitchen window getting themselves a drink, then Pippa was the first to come to me, followed closely by Kevin.

‘Just remember that we’re always here for you, cuz, and for you too, Charlie,’ she said to us, before hugging both Charlie and me, and then handing us over to Kevin.

‘We’re sure going to remember this Christmas,’ Kevin said, grinning at me. ‘But for all the right reasons. You’re stronger than you think and we’re all proud of you, no matter what.’

‘Thanks, man,’ I said as we locked hands then bumped shoulders. ‘And you too, Pippa. It wasn’t quite the coming out that I had envisaged, but it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders . . . I’ll always be grateful for how everyone reacted.’

‘You’re family,’ I suddenly heard my grandfather say, right beside me. ‘And family stick together, no matter what.’

He quickly grabbed me and hugged me tight, then threw out an arm and beckoned for Charlie to join us.

‘Nobody knows what the future might hold,’ he said, once we were both in his grasp. ‘But you have to make the most of every opportunity. What you’ve done here has surprised us, but it also brave and momentous. Live life to the fullest, boys . . . and always remember that there are people who love you just as you are. And screw whatever everybody else out there might think.’

When he had finished he kissed us both on the cheek and let go of us. I had to reach up and using the back of my hand I wiped away a tear, then noticed Charlie do the same.

‘Geez, Pop. You’ve turned on the waterworks now!’ I said to him.

‘It’s all good,’ he added. ‘And always also remember that old saying about those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind . . . or however it goes. If anyone has a problem with you, then they’re the problem, not you! Okay?’

When he had finished he gave us a nod, then walked back over to my parents and helped them pick up the bottles, drink glasses and trays of nibbles that they were now finished with.

We all walked over to help out, but were stopped by Aunt Trish.

‘I heard what Pop said . . . and he’s right you know,’ she said to me. ‘If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me, okay?’

‘Thank you,’ I said, before giving her a hug. ‘We really appreciate that.’

‘You’re welcome, honey. Now, help us clean up the rest of this mess, then we’ll be on our way.’

Ten minutes later everything had been cleaned up, plates and glasses packed into the dishwasher and my family were getting ready to leave. As we gathered on the footpath outside our house, arrangements were made for tomorrow’s repeat event at their place in Macquarie Harbour, where the annual family cricket match would take place. There were more hugs and kisses shared, with Nan being particularly emotional for some reason, while Pippa also whispered to me that they would fill me in on the details of our apparently gay cousin, who lived in Sydney.

And then they were driving away, leaving us standing on the footpath waving to them, until they finally turned the corner at the end of our block and disappeared from view.

I think we all seemed to let out a deep breath at the same time, before turning to each other.

‘Well, that was an interesting afternoon,’ my mother said to me, with a rather odd expression on her face.

‘It wasn’t exactly what I expected,’ I replied, before placing an arm around Charlie’s shoulders. ‘But we’re both grateful for everybody’s support.’

‘Well, if it’s any consolation, it wasn’t quite what I had expected either,’ my mother said. ‘When I spoke to Trish about it I know she said that she and her family would be fine with it . . . but one can never really tell, can one?’

‘I guess not,’ I replied.

Just then my father asked, ‘So what else are you lads going to do this afternoon?’

Charlie and I glanced at each other. There was something we both knew we wanted to do, but it certainly wasn’t something that we could share.

‘I was thinking I might pack up some of my clothes and other stuff and take them over to Charlie’s,’ I eventually replied.

‘And will you come back here for dinner tonight?’ mum asked.

‘Thank you. We wouldn’t miss it,’ Charlie replied for us both.

To be continued . . .