To Die For

To Die For

My serotonin levels are through the roof! I honestly cannot be any happier if I tried, thanks to this triple decker chocolate cake no doubt, I tried a dozen times and have not mastered the art that is my grandmother’s recipe. Seriously, this cake is to die for! And that is exactly what happened all thanks to my selfishness, I’m brought out of my memories by the baker asking if I wanted a slice of the free triple decker chocolate cake on special today. I almost puke myself simply because I can’t think of anything more repulsive than that cake, I’d eat fried worms off the side of the road before I eat another piece of chocolate cake or anything chocolate for that matter. I look at him in disgust and shake my head no all while trying to keep this huge lump of vomit down, I’m sure he’s labeled me as weird by now, because who doesn’t love chocolate, I might be the only one in the world who doesn’t like chocolate simply by choice and I never will, I don’t deserve to be happy and I surely don’t want the memories of my grandmother’s ill fate coming back to me.

I make my way home from the bakery still feeling a bit uneasy about my memory lane trip and thought about taking my frustrations out on a pasta dinner tonight. I hate the thought of having to go to the bakery, let alone the memories that come with it. In the middle of cooking my dinner a get a feel of nausea and swallow it down with a few sips of wine, oh great! This will be my predicament for the next few days, this nausea comes in spells when I’ve seen, smelled, or thought about the evil chocolate cake that plagues my senses. I’ll have to skip dinner tonight and the next until this spell leaves, what a waste. My usual bed routine consists of my shower, my skin regimen, and a simple prayer to keep me from any happiness that may come my way, I don’t like being unhappy, but I deserve all the unhappiness in the world. “Hey granny, how are you?” “I’m fine, still kicking high.” “That’s good to hear, listen I wanted to know if you could make your famous chocolate cake for me to take to the work party tomorrow?” Thinking that cake would be the key to my success at work after overhearing that our boss’s favorite cake was chocolate. I know, pathetic, but I was young and naive enough to think that a little “quid pro quo” would be the answer to climbing the ladder of success at my department. “Yes baby, I would love to make the cake for you what time do you need it?” Here’s the hard part, “can you have it done by eight Grandma? I’ll come pick it up by eight fifteen and head to work by nine.” “Oh goodness Sam, I’ll have to go out and get a few things I’m low on that I need for the cake to be perfect.” “Ok, perfect! It’s not too late for you to be driving is it grandma?” “Oh, hush up I can drive just fine, I’ll go and get the items now, so I can get started” “ok then granny I’ll chat with you tomorrow, I love you, goodnight.”

Waking up the next morning with a sense of nostalgia from my dream had me more grumpy than normal. Knowing that today was our annual office party potluck that makes me cringe every year and there goes the memories. I can already see everyone tiptoeing around the fact that my request from my grandmother for this stupid potluck was the reason of her untimely death. I despise this potluck and that alone is the sole reason I’ve purposely called in sick every year since the tragic incident. I often think if the cake would have made a difference in my forensics technician promotion to crime lab manager that I thought it would have, but it seems hard work pays off because since my grandmother’s death I threw myself into work and got the promotion I thought the cake would help with. Nevertheless, I skip the parties and social events because it’s easier that way, I’ve been selfish before and it won’t ever happen again. After I gotten out of bed and gotten myself ready, I make the annual sick call out of work and head to the cemetery to visit my grandmother. When I go to visit my grandmother’s grave, I clean it off and tidy its surroundings and place a bunch of fresh flowers mainly to kill time and avoid the hoard of emotions stirring just at the surface. “I hate myself for what I’ve done to you, I don’t think I would ever forgive myself, you still had so much life left and I snatched that away from you with that ridiculous request of a cake. Wherever you are granny I hope you’re happy because you deserve it, you were the best anyone could ever ask for and you proved that the night you died. It was raining that night and I should have never let you drive; I could have fetched the ingredients, but I was too self-centered to realize that I was completely off my rocker for letting you go out in those conditions. To make matters worse I was the one called to the scene at the time it happened which put me in utter shock to see you lying on that road while the rain beat down heavy on your body. I lost myself that night, no I gave myself freely to the pain that consumed me after witnessing my own grandmother’s death.” Before I knew night had fell and the cemetery was dark, I didn’t mind though because the darkness brought a sense of calmness to my inner storm. On my drive home I pass the spot where my grandmother laid lifeless and think to myself that should have been me.

Life goes on as usual and I’m back to work, but with a bit of a surprise, my coworkers thought it would be a good idea to bake me a cake to help me feel better from my sick call out and of course it would be chocolate. Oh boy, this is not good, how do I not offend them, by turning down the cake? And I’ve just gotten over the last batch of nausea that hit me. After a while of thinking and procrastinating I’ve decided to just tell them the truth, I don’t eat chocolate, simple right? Here goes nothing, “hey guys, this is all so nice, but I’m afraid I have to decline because I don’t eat chocolate.” Oh no worries Sam, my coworker Jess said, more for us.” That was easier than I thought, but it seems I’ve spoken too soon, Chris another coworker asked “why, who doesn’t love chocolate” the question I dreaded answering because of the awful memories, so instead I made up a lie about it not sitting right with my stomach. It wasn’t a total lie, more of an exclusion of information, but he didn’t stop prying, Chris decided he’d tell us about a little theory he had about me calling in sick at the same time every year and simultaneously found out that chocolate cake didn’t sit right with my stomach. To say that I was annoyed was an understatement, no one has ever paid this much attention to me let alone the times I call out and the foods I stopped eating, creep much. I didn’t play into his accusations because as far as I’m concerned, that’s all they are, he doesn’t know me, I rolled my eyes at him and gave tight lipped smile and told everyone to enjoy the cake and thanked them again. Chris who, apparently, was not done asked me an awfully striking question, “why did you go to the cemetery yesterday and have been going since you stopped eating chocolate and coming to the potlucks and...” I was so shocked I asked to speak to him in private simply because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or in my business. “Are you stalking me?” I bluntly asked, he looked at me square in the eyes and had the audacity to laugh, the gall this guy had to impose on my life with his questions and not to mention in front of the whole office. I was furious, “why does it matter creep? You’re giving me serious stalker tendencies, maybe you should see a therapist.” He continued to smile and stare at me but stayed quiet, I shook my head and started to walk away, then he said, “she wouldn’t want you to live like this you know.” I froze and every emotion I thought I had released yesterday all came rushing back with a force that I took privilege in taking out on Chris. When I was done with my rant, he took one step and hugged me, I was so overwhelmed, I broke down again, how could he possibly know any of this? I dried my eyes, took a step back, said sorry and walked away, I was at a loss of words, and I couldn’t even fathom what had just happened, all I knew was that he knew something, and I had to find out what.

Getting information about Chris was proving to be easier than I thought, naturally I thought it was strange there was very little information considering he was a forensics lab manager. There was an address, so I copied it down and decided I was going to talk to him, that was until after a thorough google search showed the house was burned down 5 years ago. How is that even possible, I asked a few people in the office about Chris and they gave minimal info as well, weird, I know. I decided to wait until he comes back to work to corner and third degree him, when he finally showed up, I fired off how do you know my granny and what do you know about her death? Why were you following me and why do you feel my grandmother would want something different for me and what’s up with your address? He stared again calm and collected and said “call me a guardian angel if you will. I know your granny very well and she even gave me a message to give you, “live your life as if there were no tomorrow, because it’s not promised.” I couldn’t believe it granny would tell me all the time when I would decide to stay with her on a weekend or when I bailed on friends to spend time with her. My eyes became watery because I swear, I could hear her saying it clear as day, I gave Chris a definite look and thanked him for his message. I didn’t need to hear anything else and just like that I left work, went to the bakery, and got the biggest piece of chocolate cake allowed. I sat down a bit cautious and then took a big bite, my body exploded with such euphoria and all the good things and fun times I remembered about my granny came rushing back, just like that. The more I ate the more I remembered, things I had suppressed for so long, after I finished the cake, I decided I’m going to live for me and granny and nothing will stop me from celebrating her life and legacy. Chocolate is known as a happy drug and to others a sheer way of a simplistic break, I now know my way to a happy escape is through a delectable piece of chocolate cake. Eat your heart out and bask in the bliss that is chocolate, because seriously, it’s to die for!