They Turned Us Into Dragons

There weren't always dragons in the Valley. Some debate it, but it’s generally accepted that Maggie and I discovered the first one in the Valley de Los Viejos Bar, also known as the Valley. We were never supposed to be there that day but it was Maggie’s birthday, and she had a thing for the Valley and a thing for drinking. We skipped work and walked in with the glow of the beautiful spring day behind us and found ourselves waiting for Bob the bartender... when I caught a golden flash coming from a side-glimpse of the stranger sitting next to us.

He had the type of eyes that were unremarkably brown, but then he blinked, oh how he blinked and instead of an eyelid covering his pupil, I saw a translucent membrane. I quickly turned to Maggie and gestured my head toward the stranger. Maggie exclaimed, “Oh cool, a nictitating membrane!”

Due to Maggie’s uninhibited voice, the stranger slightly turned his head toward us and tipped his hat. “Name’s Eric, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He winked at Maggie with his translucent eyelid, with the golden rim that first caught me off guard.

Maggie squealed and offered her hand, “Maggie! And this is my friend Mickey.”

From that point on, it all felt like a strange dream. How was Maggie regarding this stranger as normal? My stomach sank as Maggie went on volunteering her personal information to Eric with her characteristic good nature. You know those types of people that talk about themselves and tell their whole life story? Well, Maggie is one of those people. Eric was nodding politely the entire time, but I could tell that he had a hidden agenda.

Of course, as soon I was certain he was up to no good, I started second-guessing myself. Was I possibly discriminating against that clear eyelid I’ve never seen before? I grabbed Maggie, “Hey Maggie, can you look at something with me in the bathroom real quick?” and dragged her right in. Maggie knew something, and this was her chance to say it.

“Maggie, what is going on? Why are you talking so nonchalantly with that lizard man in there?” I asked.

Maggie whipped out her phone and showed me the latest posts she had been following on Snapface.

“They’re called ‘dragons,’ not ‘lizard men.’ Mickey, don’t be so derogatory.”

She showed me a beautiful make-up model with magenta sequins placed like freckles on her face, along with long magenta lashes. As she blew out smoke, she slowly blinked her translucent pink lids with magenta rims. I had so many questions but before I could mutter one out, we heard a blood curdling scream. I looked at Maggie. She looked at me…and ran out of the bathroom. Damn it, Maggie.

I ran after her. Bob the bartender’s hair was on fire. He was running around the bar like…well a man on fire. Eric was chasing and spraying him with the bar’s soda gun.

“Where’s the fire extinguisher?!” he exclaimed.

A few day drinkers tried pouring their drinks on his head. That didn’t help. Finally, Dorothy, the 70-year-old reigning drinking champ and former bodybuilder, found the extinguisher and sprayed white foam everywhere. Before long, sirens reached our doors, and the doors to the Valley swung open.

Maggie and I were scooping ice from the bar and pouring it over Bob the Bartender’s head when Fire Lieutenant Chung pointed at us with his metal prosthetic finger.

“Stop!” Fire Lieutenant Chung cried. “You’re not supposed to put ice on a burn.”

We stopped what we were doing. The frantic voices and screams slowed down, and the firefighters and police held us up with questions.

Everyone in the room was held for what seemed like forever, but probably only lasted an hour. We were focused on Bob the bartender, who had trouble speaking cohesively and kept touching his new bald spot while the Paramedics carted him into an ambulance. The whole time the authorities were asking questions, I scanned the room and noticed that Eric was missing. No one else seemed to notice, and I don’t know why, but I decided to omit this information from the authorities as well.

When Maggie and I felt the sunlight out the doors again, I exclaimed in an exhausted tone, “Well, Happy Birthday Maggie! You’re supposed to blow out the candles, you know?” She hit me in the ribs in response, and we both laughed. “Hey,” I started more seriously, “Did you notice that dragon boy dipped on us?”

“Yes” she replied, “but you can’t believe what he told me…”

“What did he tell you? And when did he tell you? I was with you the whole time,” I exclaimed.

“He didn’t say it with his words, and I know this is going to sound crazy, but he said it with his mind.”

I’ve known Maggie for almost my entire life, and she had never said anything this crazy before.

“When he shook my hand, I felt a spot in the center of my forehead begin to tickle and feel really light. I was starting to see images in my head. Eric was tied up in a dark room full of other people. He was crying for help, ” Maggie said.

“Wait,” I interrupted, “How the heck did you continue to converse normally with dragon boy after that psycho experience? And why wasn’t this the first thing you told me when I pulled you aside?”

“You didn’t give me enough time! Plus, I don’t know if he was actually telling me or if I was just sensing. I could just feel his fear. He seemed calm and mysterious but he dropped all his cards on the table when he shook my hand. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t even sure I should tell you! He must have escaped from somewhere dangerous and was trying to play it cool, so I was trying to follow his lead and distract him from whatever was worrying him.”

“Ok, I’m sorry, but I’m really dumbfounded right now. First with these eyelids that are the most extreme form of body modification I’ve ever heard of for the sake of style? And now E.S.P.? Can we sit down somewhere?”

“Well, I have more. When Eric was trying to put out the fire, he rubbed shoulders past me and I saw another vision. It was a business card that clearly read ‘The Happy Dragon’...and I saw the address off of Sunset Blvd., but I could not clearly see the number. 2000 something. It seemed important.”

“Are you serious Maggie. Who are you?!”

“Umm last time I checked, I'm the birthday girl, and this is still my party. Are you coming or not?”