Rules for Staying Small

Purpose

This manual exists to ensure comfort.

Not yours — theirs.

It was written to prevent disruption, confusion, and unnecessary feeling.

Follow each instruction carefully. Deviation may result in discomfort, disappointment, or withdrawal of approval. These outcomes are considered corrective, not punitive.

The goal is harmony.

The cost is unmentioned.

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Section I: General Conduct

Be quiet.

Be helpful.

Be grateful.

Speak only when addressed. If unsure whether you are being addressed, wait. Silence is usually interpreted as maturity.

Smile when they’re looking.

Disappear when they’re not.

Your presence should feel optional — pleasant, but never necessary.

If you sense yourself becoming essential, step back immediately.

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Section II: Emotional Regulation

Do not need too much.

Do not dream too big.

Do not ask to be understood.

If a feeling becomes noticeable, minimize it.

If it persists, reframe it as gratitude.

If it cannot be reframed, swallow it.

If your truth trembles in your throat, swallow it.

If it burns your chest, say it’s fine.

Crying should be done privately.

Preferably alone.

Preferably never.

Remember: discomfort is easier to manage when no one names it.

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Section III: Communication Guidelines

Avoid difficult topics.

Avoid personal needs.

Avoid words that might require a response.

Tone should remain even.

Requests should be disguised as suggestions.

Suggestions should be abandoned if met with hesitation.

If your voice rises, apologize.

If it steadies, lower it anyway.

Being easy to be around is the highest form of success.

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Section IV: Loyalty Protocol

Love them louder than they love you.

Call it loyalty.

Call it family.

Attachment should be asymmetrical.

This ensures stability.

If you begin to notice the imbalance, assume you are miscalculating.

If you continue to notice it, question your motives.

Devotion is safest when it asks for nothing in return.

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Section V: Growth Management

If you start to grow — bend.

If you start to shine — dim.

Growth may be interpreted as arrogance.

Shining may be interpreted as ingratitude.

Both can be corrected by shrinking.

Practice apologizing in advance.

This saves time.

If praise feels unfamiliar, deflect it.

If confidence emerges, keep it quiet.

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Section VI: Daily Maintenance

Complete assigned tasks promptly.

Anticipate needs before they are spoken.

Avoid being asked twice — being asked twice implies failure.

Chores are not labor.

They are proof of usefulness.

Apologies should be issued regularly, even when no offense is clear.

Especially then.

Efficiency will be rewarded with temporary peace.

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Section VII: Common Errors

Error: Expressing joy too freely.

Correction: Temper enthusiasm with humility.

Error: Asking for reassurance.

Correction: Remind yourself that needing reassurance is a burden.

Error: Taking up space.

Correction: Remember how well you disappear.

Mistakes will not always be named.

You are expected to sense them.

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Section VIII: Long-Term Effects

Extended compliance may result in the following:

A shrinking sense of self

Difficulty recognizing your own needs

Confusing endurance with love

Mistaking silence for safety

These symptoms are considered acceptable side effects.

If you no longer remember what you wanted before the rules, the program is working.

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Section IX: Discovery

I didn’t know what it was like to be allowed to take up space before.

Now I know it wasn’t permission I needed —

it was presence.

These were the rules they gave me,

written between chores and apologies,

signed in silence.

I followed them so well

I forgot they were never mine.

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Section X: Revision

Now, I write my own.

They begin with:

Be real.

Be loud.

Be free.

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Author’s Note

That line came to me like a confession.

I had spent so long making myself smaller that comfort felt foreign.

Even joy felt like something I had to earn first.

But the moment I realized I was never meant to ask for permission — that existing fully was my birthright — everything changed.

Taking up space isn’t rebellion.

It’s remembrance.

And this time, I’m staying.

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