The Unwanted

I hate him for what he's done to me. This shouldn't be happening to me. I didn't ask for this. No one asked me if I wanted it. If I was ready for it.

I'm not.

I've spent days and nights vomiting until there's nothing left, and still retching and retching. My whole body aches.

All I want to do is sleep, but I can't because I can't stop thinking about... everything.

All I want to do is cry. My eyes itch and sting, but I've no tears left.

Father was angry when he found out of course. So was Mother. They've calmed down now. They believe I'm carrying a son with a great destiny.

I begged Mother for a Tea, but she refused. In my despair, I tried to take a knife to my belly and cut the rotten thing out of me, but someone walked in and stopped me. There's always somebody watching me, now. They know my misery, how deep and desperate it goes, and they fear what it might drive me to. So do I. They won't let me end it, though. I'm not important. They all whisper about how special it is, the thing wriggling in there.

Joe has been alright about it. He was angry and suspicious at first, like my parents, but then... Well, something changed, and he came around. He said someone talked to him, and made him see things differently. Now he's extra protective of me, but I suspect he's truly protective of the Thing I carry. I'm just the shell, inseparable from It. For now.

He's stupidly in awe of my growing belly. I catch him gawping at it. It irks me. It's not even his! He's sticking by me, though. That's very sweet of him. I remind myself of that, while I'm gritting my teeth and wishing for the day it can be out.

At the same time, I dread that day. I hear every woman or girl does, especially the first. I have a seed of fear, growing right along with the Unwanted, that I will be one of the ones who cannot do it, or whose life is claimed as the price. A daughter is a fair cost, they seem to feel. One that any of my family would be willing to pay many times over for this Son they're so keen on.

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Thank you for reading!

Content warning - religious theme may offend some readers. Ideation of self harm.

Today is the last day of Christmas, so this will be last Christmas/Christmas adjacent story (effed up or otherwise) until December.