The Trip Back

I sat on the corner of my pitch black bedroom floor hugging my knees tightly against my chest. My eyes were open widely as I kept repeating a silent prayer. I couldn’t bring myself to close them, not even for a minute. With my heart thumping loudly, threatening to tear past my ribcage and leap out onto the floor. I couldn’t risk a panic attack that I knew I was seconds away from. I was shivering with every nerve-wrecking breath that I took. The thunder that was erupting outside did nothing for my nerves. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in the rest of the house.

It all began nine years ago when a neighbour of mine introduced me to a friend of his, Okuhle. Okuhle and I became fast friends and were inseparable. He was my rock. I shared everything with him and in turn he became my world. He was the sun to me. He was my moon when night fell.

Nothing ever happened between us because I had a boyfriend at that time. He soon became involved himself but our feelings for each other were crystal for all to see. Even his mother had thought that we were an item at one time. Between my jealous boyfriend and his stalker girlfriend, there was never a dull moment in my senior year. None of which I paid any mind to. I moved away when I went to college, after the passing of my father.

After eight years of wondering what could have happened and missing my old neighbourhood, I decided to go back for a visit. While looking up accommodation in the area, I found that my old home was being rented out so I contacted the current owner and moved the following week. I didn’t feel like spending another year alone on Christmas day, so I figured that being around the people that I grew up with would be fun. So would seeing my old friends and old neighbourhood. Somehow my lonely heart was able to empower my brain that was scared of the heartbreak that I was likely to experience upon seeing him.

I had forgotten how good he looked. A part of me wanted to run up to him and hug him tightly. Another part of me wanted to run back to the city before he could see me. But I did neither as I seemed to be frozen on the spot. He walked closer. All I could hear was my heart thumping against my chest and my sharp unsteady breath. “Asavela,” My name sounded like it came from the heavens above. I drowned in his eyes. It was all I could do. All I was able to do. I was frozen on the spot. I hadn’t realized how he could still have this effect on me.

He pulled me in a bear hug and as the seconds passed slowly by, I heard a small voice call out “daddy”. When he released me, I regained my senses and with an abrupt goodbye, I walked into the yard. By some miracle, I didn’t fumble with the keys, I was able to open the door on my first attempt. Safely inside, I locked the door and went to my old bedroom to unpack.

On my way back from the store to buy bread and milk, I ran into Okuhle and he walked me to my door. Upon closing the refrigerator door after putting the carton of milk inside, I heard a gunshot coming from the front door. Thereafter the window glass smashed on the living room floor. I didn’t think twice as I doubled to my bedroom, closed the door and slouched on the corner without bothering to turn on the lights.