The Storm

Entry 1: Today’s date? No idea.

It happened in an instant... No one could anticipate this much disaster. Everything changed overnight. The silence, that was once so pure, transformed into destruction. The walls crumbled from all directions.

An average day at home, eating dinner for two. Talking about work. Talking about going out on the boat and catching some fish. Then suddenly, our home ripped into two. It felt like the world was falling apart beneath me. I'm so lucky that Sean was here tonight and not at the refinery for once.

Now, me and Sean have been stranded in who-knows-where for days. We are cold and hungry. We do not know who else is out there. We've managed to survive on our own, so far. I really hope my parents are okay. I wish there were a way I could contact them.

What does an average day even look like anymore? This is a different kind of world. I mean, what good is a cell phone? Or a computer? Like any of those things matter in this context. When everything within sight becomes stardust, I gotta do the ol’ fashioned thing. Technology is a thing of the past.

I understand now, the environment we live in directly impacts who we are and how we act. Yes, life was much “better” with the level of comfort that we grew accustomed to. In retrospect, those luxuries sometimes made it more challenging to appreciate hard work, or the loved ones around us. It was much easier to overlook our blessings, since living a simple and easy life was the expectation.

Of course, we had problems. But I’m starting to question… Did I REALLY have problems?? I never considered myself to be an ungrateful person. Now I’m beginning to question what that means…

I never imagined how my life would look without my belongings!

So many things that I once considered everything to me, immediately became insignificant. My priorities used to gravitate around having the perfect home, latest phone, or brand-new car. Now, there is no access to gas. Money does not matter. And survival is everything.

Today, the only material thing I cherish is my heart shaped locket. It is small, yet dense, and has a silver shine where I can see my tiny reflection. Courtesy of Sean, of course. It was meant to be our anniversary gift. Instead, our real anniversary was a tragedy. And now we can’t find the key…

Regardless of these setbacks, is it weird that a disaster like this can be what it takes for you to appreciate what is right in front of you? Sean and I were on the rocks for a while, but now I feel closer to him than ever. I don’t ever want to take him for granted again.

Entry 2: I wish I could write the date so this would make more sense.

Lately, my brain has problems with following a clear line of thinking… I don’t know where I am sometimes. I wake up in a daze and my memory feels disrupted. I feel foggy. I’m not entirely sure what could be affecting me like this.

Without my normal sources of entertainment to help the days go by, I’m now stuck with my thoughts. This experience is very challenging yet rewarding. I should start journaling more. This can be a record of my personal growth after surviving the storm that consumed everything in sight.

Sometimes, we must get lost to become found. I mean, from ourselves. I think I really started to lose myself in my so-called “perfect life”. I no longer cared for anything handed to me on a silver platter. I realize now that I needed this destructive change (as strange as it sounds), to find myself. I found me within the darkness and confusion.

I valued things more than people - and I feel a little gross about that now. Maybe losing everything in a weird way is making me feel like a better person inside. Does that make sense? It still doesn’t make sense to me sometimes because I had everything I could’ve ever wanted.

Sean’s going out to throw the net into the river. Hope he has more luck than the last few days.

Entry 3: Missing Heart…

Holy cow, Sean never came back last night. I hope he’s alive. I have no idea what to do. Should I go out and get food on my own or stay here and wait for him to come back? I’m not going anywhere for now. I’m going to take time to plan. But I can’t get my head on straight. I don’t even know the first step to take. What do I do??! How much longer should I wait before acting? Another day? I still need to eat! My brain keeps going back and forth and I can’t seem to catch a single thought anymore. I feel like I’m rambling.

I am losing my mind, all alone in my world of rubble. I’m going to stay put. I’m going to count and organize rocks until I can clear my head. I am going to breathe. I hope he comes back before the sun goes down. I hope I'm not alone here all night...

Entry 4: My UN-locked Heart

I forgot to write for a little bit. Turns out Sean was fine, he freaked me out for no reason! But it’s not like there was a clear way he could communicate with me anyway. So, I forgave him.

Even better, Sean spent his time away searching for the key to my locket…And thanks to some miracle, he FOUND IT! It is beautifully embroidered with a long, silver chain. He had it hidden in a special spot near home before the storm. He spent all day digging around.

After hours of searching, and scaring my socks off, he found it hanging off a nail from some dismantled hardwood flooring on his way back. What are the odds?

I waited so patiently for my chance to finally open it. And this was my moment! My heart felt so bright, like it was glowing inside. I slowly opened the heart to unfold our first photograph together. I completed melted into a puddle, and my eyes watered up.

A wad of paper fell out. I reached down to pick it up and flatten it out.

It read: “Melissa, you are the love of my life. You have turned my life upside down this year. I want to be honest. I have not opened my heart to you as much as I should have in the past. I know I am not the best at telling you how I feel, so this is my way of trying.

I am writing this letter inside your heart locket to express my feelings for you. You are so strong, beautiful, intelligent, and determined. You have the drive and confidence to accomplish any of your dreams.

Melissa, this key is a symbol of my love. Please use this to unlock your heart to us. I know when you are ready, you will be able to be more vulnerable and leave behind your fears. I know it takes time, and I am working to open my heart up to us too.

I can’t wait to bring you back on the boat and throw out the net. I can’t wait to spend more time with our families again. These memories overflow my heart with love that I will cherish forever.

Happy 1-year Anniversary!”

I had no words. I immediately burst into tears. This was like a missing piece of us. This is a connection you cannot replicate. Would I have found this as touching in my former life? Honestly, I don’t know. Sean has always been very sweet, but I never blinked an eye about it in the past.

For some reason now, this heart shaped locket means everything to me. I cannot remember the last time I felt an emotion so deeply. I thought I knew Sean, but clearly I have not paid enough attention to the man who has been in front of me this entire time.

Not knowing when your next meal will come, or where we will sleep at night, it's terrifying. But knowing I have Sean by my side through everything is invigorating. I feel more confident in our love than ever, and it only took the world exploding for us to open our hearts up to each other. I am now understanding our connection in a new light, and I clearly can see that I was too afraid to accept our deep bond.

I now understand myself in a new way, and I now value relationships and connections authentically. I realize in our material world, I resisted true love. I resisted myself. I realized by falling into the trap of constantly wanting more, I was never satisfied. Now that I have only what I need, not just what I want, I appreciate the world from a revised perspective.

I am not sure what the future holds, but I do know that I am forever changed and will never look back. I am thankful for this hardship because it helped me transform as a person.