The Smoker

"Excuse me, sir, but you can't smoke in here."

"Erhm?"

"Smoking. It's not safe inside the aircraft, alright? I'm going to need you to extinguish that."

"Young lady, do you even know who I am? I paid for my ticket, and I have every right to be here."

"I understand that, sir, but it's policy."

"Miss, I have been around for a long time. I think you better check with your manager before you alienate a long-time loyal customer over some silly policy!"

"With all due respect, sir, it's a safety concern."

"I've been smoking during flights for longer than you've been alive! 'Safety' my ash. I promise you, we're a lot safer with me here and smoking."

"It has always been the policy of the airline to not allow smoking, sir."

"Go and get your manager if you don't believe me. I have always been allowed to smoke on flights, never had a problem before today."

"Sir, I don't have a manager... we're all just flight attendants, and I can assure you, every flight attendant here would insist that you extinguish that."

"Laurie is working today, right? I saw her taking drink orders earlier. Go get Laurie, and she'll tell you."

"Respectfully, sir, I'm not going to bother Laurie over this. If you could just--"

"Laurie!"

"Please lower your voice, sir."

"Hey, Laurie!"

"You're disturbing the other passengers!"

"Is something the matter?"

"I'm sorry, Laurie, he's insisting that I talk to you."

"This young lady apparently doesn't understand how things work on this airline, Laurie. She's been quite rude to me."

"Well I am so sorry about that, Hef! What seems to be the problem?"

"He won't listen to me about the smoking policy! He's filling up the entire cabin with smoke!"

"I tried to tell her, Laurie."

"Stacy. The thing is, we make certain exceptions for our VIP customers, here at Icarus Air."

"But the safety..."

"Honestly, Stacy, the smoking policy is more for cigarettes, cigars, things like that."

"You can't deny that he's producing quite a lot of smoke, though! Especially from the left horn. If he could just put it out, I think our other passengers would be much more comfortable."

"See, Stacy, the only way for Hef to stop smoking is if he stops suppressing the fire and bursts into full blaze. Would you prefer he burst into full blaze, Stacy? Sorry, Hef, she's new."

"No problem at all, Laurie, I appreciate you taking the time to explain it to her."

"I'm very sorry, sir, I wasn't aware of your... err... special circumstances."

"Stacy, was it? Now, Stacy, I hope you'll be much more considerate in dealing with VIP passengers in the future."

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Enjoy your flight."

"Well. That's dealt with. Can I get you anything, Hef? You need another Scotch?"

"No, thank you, Laurie."

"Well if you have any more trouble or you need anything at all, you just call me, okee dokee? Alright. I can take that glass, if you're finished, miss. Another blanket, sir?"

"What was that, out there, Laurie?"

"Stacy. Shouldn't you be getting drinks for Economy?"

"Since when do we make exceptions to the no-smoking rule? Why didn't you have my back?"

"Since Hephaestus started flying Icarus Air, Stacy!"

"So all you need is a big name and a well-connected family to break all the rules, I guess. Screw everyone else who has to breathe in his disgusting smoke."

"Well, yes. A big name, a well-connected family, and to be the god of fire. Here, go pass out peanuts. That should calm down any complainers.

"The entitlement these days. Honestly."