The Show

The Show

Part I: The Deal

Rita

Rita took her coffee to the back room of the little shop. Local artwork covered most of the walls, with holes where some had recently hung but had since been purchased. A few tables and chairs matched others, but most of the furniture had no twin. Rita scanned the empty tables for something that would suit her 65-year-old body. A pub table, for example, would simply not do. She might be able to haul her fat ass up into one of those tall chairs, but there was no guarantee that she would be able to get down without falling flat on her face. She finally settled on a metal outdoor patio table tucked into a quiet corner.

Rita wore a souvenir t-shirt from the Hemingway House in Key West, a pair of cut-offs, and sparkly sandals. She loved sandal weather--summer was absolutely her favorite season--and she loved Key West. She made it a habit to visit once a year, though she spent far less time on the beaches than she used to. People didn’t need to see saggy skin and wrinkles. At least that was Rita’s theory.

“Ms. Malandra! Hello!”

Rita turned toward the voice, pasting a smile on her face. “Oh, hello, Simone. So nice to see you. How’s your profile piece coming along?”

“It’s okay. I’ll have it done by Thursday, for sure. Can I come to class early to have you read it before I submit the final draft?”

“Of course, dear. I would be happy to do that. I’ll be in the workroom across the hall by 1:00. Come in anytime after that,” Rita replied. Despite her inner turmoil, Rita was actually glad to have a chance to help Simone. The girl was one of her favorites in her current section of English composition. Simone always completed all of her assignments on time, and she was open to feedback on her writing.

Simone thanked Rita and disappeared into the main room of the coffee shop. Rita’s smile dropped from her face, and she took a careful sip of her drink. Why am I doing this? she wondered. I have no idea what to say to her. How can I possibly help her through her grief? But then she allowed her mind to go briefly where she didn’t want it to go. Ah, hell. Suck it up, Rita. Do what you gotta do.

Ursula

She pulled her car carefully into the one spot that was left. It was a little tight, but she managed. She glanced at the empty handicapped spots and mentally congratulated herself for refusing to give in to nature and the aches and pains that might have allowed her to get the sticker. She was determined to remain as active and independent as possible, especially now, and to her, it would be giving up if she were to start parking in the handicapped spots.

A lovely young girl pushed the door open as she exited the coffee shop, and she held it for Ursula.

“Thank you so much. You are so kind,” Ursula said.

“Of course. It’s no problem at all,” replied the girl with straight black hair and deep, dark eyes. “You have a wonderful day.”

“I will, and you as well.”

The encounter lightened Ursula’s heart. She needed to experience something good in the world. So much darkness had descended since Johnathan passed away. The world seemed devoid of brightness, of color. A small moment of courtesy was a shining light in a sea of dreariness and despair, it seemed to Ursula.

She smoothed her black Eddie Bauer t-shirt over the band of her plain black skirt as she maneuvered smoothly and easily between tables in order to reach the counter. “Large coffee, black, please,” she said to the barista.

“Yes, ma’am.” A moment later, “That’ll be $3.50.”

Ursula handed $5.00 to the pimpled teenager and said, “No change.” She turned toward the back room, thinking of that small moment of courtesy and how it might put her in the perfect frame of mind to deal with Rita.

Rita

Rita looked up from the book she was reading--she always kept at least one book in her large, soft-sided purse--to see Ursula gliding in her direction. Gliding was how Ursula always moved. She was exceptionally graceful and so put together in that upscale outfit. Rita shopped at Lane Bryant and Torrid, first because they made clothes in her size, and second because they didn’t empty her pocketbook.

“Good morning,” Rita said.

“Hello. How are you?”

“Well, thank you. How are you and Mira doing?”

Ursula sat down at the table and put her Kate Spade purse on the chair next to her. “Mira is okay. She’s handling it. And she’s excelling in college. How is Jackson? I don’t know why you are keeping him such a secret,” Ursula prompted.

Rita hesitated. How do I handle this? she wondered. Finally, she said, “He’s fine. I guess, anyway. We aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

“I just do not understand why you push men away. Have you never wanted to be married? Have you never wanted to have a companion to go through life with? I don’t get it.”

“No, I haven’t, Ursula. You know me well enough to know that,” Rita’s frown lines deepened.

“I suppose. I guess I just want you to find happiness.”

“What makes you think I haven’t?”

Ursula

Ursula groaned inwardly. She should have known she’d get Rita’s ire up. Rita just wasn’t ready to see that life could be so much better with a partner, that people were not meant to go through life alone. Of course Rita thought she was happy. She hadn’t known anything better. Ursula felt that it was her fault that Rita was upset. She had phrased it wrong.

“I’m sorry. What I meant to say was that I think you’d make a great wife. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life. You are so upbeat and outgoing. The right man would adore you.”

Rita’s frown seemed to diminish. “Well, thank you. I know you want me to have the best in life. I just don’t agree that the best looks the same for everyone. You know?”

Ursula had to agree. “Yes, I guess you’re right. Well, enough of that. Do you have the cards and the board?”

“Of course I do. Who’s dealing first?”

Ursula sipped from her coffee cup. “I think I dealt first last time. You do it today.”

Rita

She took the board and the cards out of her purse. She placed the pegs at the starting point, and then she began to shuffle the cards. They folded smoothly into each other under her practiced hands. She shuffled them three times, and then slid the deck toward Ursula to cut. Rita took the deck back from her, and dealt six cards to each of them. She turned up a queen on the deck. They each picked up and looked at their cards. Rita had two 2s, an 8, a 9, a 10, and a king. The crib was hers, so she put a 2 and the king aside. Ursula handed her two cards for the remainder of the crib, and then she laid down a queen for ten.

Part II: The Play

Ursula

“Are we going to talk about Jonathan? Or is it too soon?” Rita asked. She laid down a 9 for nineteen.

Ursula laid down a jack for twenty-nine. “I know it’s been weeks since he passed. I should be able to talk about him, but it’s still difficult,” she said.

Rita laid down a 2 for thirty-one. “Thirty-one for 2,” she said. “I am sure it is. I worry about you, though. With Mira being at college, and you at home alone now in that big house…”

“I’m fine.” Ursula had a little twinge of anger. She could take pity from almost anyone else, but not from Rita. She laid down a 3. “I want to know about you and Jackson. Why aren’t you two together anymore?”

“He left me. I don’t know if I pushed him away, as you said. Maybe I did. But I don’t think so. I think it’s just one of those things.” Rita laid down her 8 for eleven.

“How do you feel about it?”

Rita

She considered the question. How honest should she be with Ursula? Her loss was so minor compared to Ursula’s. She and Johnathan had been together for over forty years, after all. It seemed that it had always been Ursula and Johnathan, even in college when they had just started dating. She opted for honesty.

“I’m devastated. I was closer to Jackson than I had been to any other man I have been with. He understood me and loved me for who I am, not for some ideal woman he thought I should be.” Rita slammed her hand down on the table, making the cards jump. “I’m just so damn angry!” She looked at Ursula in surprise at the sudden strong emotion. Where did that come from? “I’m sorry for that, Ursula.”

“Rita, please don’t apologize. I understand your feelings. I’m angry, too. How dare he leave me alone? Isn’t that how you feel?”

“Yes!”

“See? We are both in pain. Don’t be apologetic for showing that pain.”

“So why aren’t you showing your pain?” Rita asked.

Ursula

Ursula didn’t respond immediately. She laid down a jack for twenty-one. It was her last card. She steepled her fingers and thought about what to say. How should she explain to Rita that she would show her pain to anyone else, just not to her?

“I guess I am just all cried out. I feel like it’s time to pull on my big girl panties and get on with life,” she said, almost believing it.

“Seriously? It’s only been a few months since…”

“Yes, I know that, Rita. I am painfully aware of it, as a matter of fact.” Ursula’s twinge of anger was back. Rita was going to judge her level of heartache? Really?

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” Ursula took another sip of coffee. “We are both heartbroken, but we don’t have to deal with it in exactly the same way. Don’t you think so?” she asked.

“Yes, I know that you’re right about that. Intellectually, I know that’s true. Emotionally, I forget, though.” Rita laid down her ten. “Thirty-one for 2.”

“I understand the disconnect between intellect and emotion. I have experienced that, too,” Ursula said. “Good hand,” she added.

Rita

“Thanks,” Rita said.

She wondered when Ursula ever experienced a disconnect between intellect and emotion. Ursula always had it together. Her intellect and her emotion were always in sync, as far as Rita could tell. Ursula was like a pretty package all wrapped up with a piece of ribbon in a nice little bow. Jackson used to say that she was wound too tight.

“So how are you dealing with it?”

“Honestly, I just keep busy so that I don’t think about it too much. I have a list of things to do every day. I just zero in on them, and I stay focused, and I don't think.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I should try that.”

Ursula laughed, surprising Rita. “What’s so funny?”

“Having a To Do list requires some planning ahead. I have a hard time seeing you being that...organized.” Ursula smiled.

Rita’s face started heating up. She felt a burn in her throat, and she knew that she was piqued. “I can be organized. When I want to be. I usually prefer not to be so buttoned up.”

Ursula

She stopped laughing. “Ah, so you think I’m ‘buttoned up’?” she asked. Let’s see Miss Rita back out of this now.

“Well, yes.” Rita shifted in her chair, almost imperceptibly, but Ursula noticed. “I mean, you are ultra organized and very put together, right? So it’s really not like it’s an insult or anything.”

Ursula smiled, letting Rita off the hook. “I suppose you’re not saying anything untrue.”

Part III: The Show

Rita

Rita returned the smile. “That really didn’t come out right, did it? I just keep putting my foot in my mouth. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Ursula leaned forward and placed her hand on Rita’s, surprising Rita with the warmth of the gesture. “Rita, nothing you have done today requires forgiveness. Now let’s count up the cards.” Ursula leaned back in her chair, sliding her hand away from Rita’s.

Rita’s hand totaled seven points, and Ursula’s totaled eight. Damnit, she’s already winning this game, Rita thought. Ursula always won.

“So what did you mean by ‘today’?” Rita suddenly thought to ask.

“What?”

“When you said I had done nothing to be forgiven for, you said ‘today.’”

Ursula

I wondered if she would catch that, Ursula thought. What should I say here? Is it time for the truth?

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Ursula stepped carefully into what she felt would be a minefield.

“Yep, you did. Why?”

“Because I know, Rita.”

Rita

“I’m sorry...Know what?” Rita felt a small burn building deep in her throat. What does she know?

“I know who Jackson is. Or was, I guess.”

The burn spread quickly throughout Rita’s chest. Her breath caught, and she could feel her face grow red. “I don’t know what you mean by that,” she said. Please, please, please…

“Yes, you do. Jackson didn’t leave you, really. He didn’t intend to die. It’s probably time we both stop blaming him for that.”

Oh God. She really knows. “I- I don’t know what to say, Ursula. I don’t...I just…”

“Stop. I have known for a long time. You don’t need to worry. I’m not interested in hurting you or getting back at you or anything like that,” Ursula said.

Rita bowed her head. She was overcome with guilt, and, to be honest, more than a little relief. It was out there now. She could stop lying.

Ursula

She looked at Rita. It was fascinating, really. Rita was so clearly uncomfortable, which was not at all surprising. But when she bowed her head, her whole body seemed to relax. For the first time, Ursula literally saw what it meant to have a weight lift off someone’s shoulders. The cliche was true.

“So what do you want?” Rita was finally able to get out.

“I want it to be out in the open. And I don’t want it to be a wedge between us. We have been friends longer than Johnathan and I were married, after all.”

“How can you possibly want to save our friendship? How can you want to have anything to do with me?” Rita asked.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was really angry when I first found out, and even now, I sometimes feel that twinge of jealousy. But, Rita, you’re my best friend. And when Johnathan died, I realized that it is just too important to keep the people I love in my life. I need you to help me through this. And, I expect, you need me to help you through it, too.”

Rita

Rita’s mouth hung open. She couldn’t speak.

“It’s okay, Rita. Really. I realized a long time ago that my relationship with Johnathan was going to be alright, even though you were seeing him. I know I am a bit much to deal with. If Johnathan found relief in a relationship with you so that he could still maintain his love for me, well then, so be it.”

Rita found her voice. “He did talk about that sometimes. It was never about leaving you. He was very honest about that.”

“I expect he was.”

“I loved him, Ursula, but I never wanted him all to myself. You know that, right?”

“Oh, yes. I know.”

Tears began to slide down Rita’s cheeks. “I'm so sorry.”

Ursula

“I know. It’s okay.” Ursula reached out again, this time taking Rita’s hands in her own. Rita began to cry harder, hitching breaths and eventual sobs. Ursula knew that Rita was finally grieving, something that she probably had not yet allowed herself to do.

Ursula got up and moved her chair next to Rita. She put her arm around her, and pulled her close. Ursula felt the weight lift off her own shoulders--again, that cliche. The last little bit of jealousy was gone. She knew for certain now that she and Rita would be alright.