The Pond That Turns to Ice

CURRENT DAY

As I lay on the bitter, numbing ground, I think of all of the choices that lead to this exact moment. I stare up at the sombre night sky, empty of the stars that graced its presence only yesterday evening. The wind is fierce, it roars and bellows at me for being so mindless, then it passes through the entirety of my body, leaving me breathless and unable to think clearly. I watch the illusion of smoke leave my lips with every breath that I take. It reminds me of the times as a child when my sister and I would pretend that we were smokers, it briefly warms my body to remember her face. I wonder if the trees can sense my desperation as they sway furiously from side to side. I try to find something to focus on to stop my mind from fixating on the cause of the throbbing sensation I feel in my feet, I know what is happening but if I pretend that it isn’t, maybe it won’t.

I try to focus on anything that doesn’t remind me of the fact that I am going to die if I do not get out of this place.

It was only yesterday I had been excited of coming back to this place to embrace the stillness of the night. But now, I longed for sound, for a voice to save me and if I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine it. The problem was, every time I closed my eyes, I felt myself slipping away and it terrified me that I might not wake up. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her face.

My eyes become heavier.

Yes, close your eyes, see isn’t that nice.

I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into darkness, but I’m too tired to fight it. I don’t even want to fight it anymore. I urge the darkness to swallow me whole so that I can forget about everything that has happened, but most of all, so I can forget about her.

2 DAYS EARLIER

“So, you don’t mind covering my shift, are you sure Lily?” Amy asks me trying her best to persuade me with her attempt at puppy dog eyes. She often gave them her best attempt whenever she wanted her own way and although they didn’t work, I’d always submit.

“No, I don’t mind, however, I do wish you’d give this a break for a little while” I tell her trying my best to sound enthusiastic, but the truth is that I was tired of the repetition of her actions. She was going on her fifth date this month; she would tell me after each date that she had found “the one”. It had become quite fatiguing, as it was me that she came to without fail, every single time she found out that ‘Mr. perfect’ had a wife, wasn’t ready for a serious relationship or was gay. Yet, there was no way for me to avoid being the shoulder that she would to cry on. I was the older sister and since we had both lost our parents at a young age, I was probably more like a mother to her myself.

“Thank you, try not to worry Lil, he’s really nice, I know I always say this, but I promise” she says trying to convince both me and herself, however, we both know it's unsuccessful. I often wondered what her obsession was with needing a man. As soon as one relationship ended, he was replaced within a month. She replaced them as though they were a pair of worn-out boots.

“Maybe just take it one step at a time? But I hope it does work out for you, I really do” I reply, both of us knowing the most probable outcome. In a month or two, we would be having the same conversation about someone entirely new.

“Thank you, am I okay to go?” she asks heading towards the door as though she already knows my answer. She would be correct.

“Yes, I’ll see you later”

She waves me goodbye and I expect to be updated in a couple of hours time on her perfect date, with her perfect new man. I expect to hear how she had never met anyone like him. I expected to hear that he’s the one.

That’s what I expected.

What I didn’t expect, was for the call she would make to me, to change both of our lives, forever.

CURRENT DAY

“Lily, wake up, I’m here”

I hear her voice, but I can’t quite work out who the voice belongs to even though I know I have heard it before.

“Lily, please, just open your eyes!” she pleads persistently.

I don’t know if I’m able to open my eyes. I want to, I want to know who this person is that I know but can’t quite place. It suddenly dawns on me that I have absolutely no idea where I am or how I got here.

Am I in bed? Yes, that has to be it, that would explain the darkness. Maybe I’m having one of those dreams that you can’t wake up from. The dreams where you know you’re dreaming.

It’s cold. My whole body aches. I struggle to catch my breath each time I inhale. I feel my heartbeat thudding against my chest as though I am in fear of something, but I don’t quite know what.

Maybe Amy forgot to turn on the heating when she came home. She always does that. God, when is she going to start being responsible?

It dawns on me that not only is it freezing, I’m wet. My entire body is soaked from head to toe. The voice inside my head aborts its mission to convince me of possible reasons as to why I feel the way I do. The simple fact being, that I don’t remember.

But, why don’t I remember?

I tell myself that I need to remember, over and over again, I need to wake up. The voice in my head repeats itself, convincing me that if I believe I can wake up, then I will.

I open my eyes.

And there she is, stood right in front of me.

Ahh that’s right, I remember who she is now. How could I forget?

I’m confused as to how she got here but I’m too tired to make sense of it.

I look up at the moonlit sky, it seemed so intimidating earlier, but it seems so peaceful now. It puts me at ease. I hear the breeze that was once so fierce, it appears gentle now as it engulfs me in its embrace. The towering, vigorous trees appear encouraging as they dance with the delicacy of the breeze. I hear owls calling out into the night, almost as though they are waiting for a reply. I hear birds chatting with one another, perhaps saying their goodnights.

“Oh, so you’re awake now, are you?” she asks.

I look up at her, meeting her eyes that glisten beneath the moonlight. I had imagined her face before when I had first fallen, I was so insistent on forgetting her, but now she was here, it brought comfort, even if it didn’t make sense.

“Amy, w-what are you d-doing here?” I ask her, confusion lingering at the end of every word I struggle to say. I fear that she might not hear me, my voice being so hoarse and placid. It hurt to speak; I could feel ice clawing at my mouth with every word I spoke.

“You’re asking me what I’m doing here? You’re the one laid in a frozen pond in the middle of the night, I’m surprised you haven’t frozen to death” she says finding humour in the dire situation I’m in. She was good at that, always managing to find the funny side to any situation, even in situations that didn’t need humour.

Maybe I was dying. My body felt numb, my mind was unable to make much sense of anything and I didn’t seem to feel the cold as much as before. I was no longer shivering. Although I was grateful to no longer feel the pain that the bitter cold inflicted, I knew one thing that concerned me more than anything.

My mind was broken.

“Let’s get you out of here, okay?” she tells me, concern and the need for accomplishment smeared across her face.

I smile at her, almost wanting to laugh at the irony. All of my life, I had felt a sense of resentment for the way she expected me to protect her. It was funny how anything she ever did, never compared to this. She had come to save me. I could still sense that something wasn’t right with her presence, I didn’t understand how she had found me.

I muster every piece of energy to ask her “H-how are you here? “

Silence. She says nothing as she reaches out her hand.

As I reach for her hand, I feel the weight of my entire body. But it’s okay, because she’s here. I touch her hand and the warmth from her palms reminds me that I am alive. The voice inside my head starts to reassure me again that I am going to survive this, because Amy is here. She came to save me.

It’s okay, you’re safe now.

It’s all going to be okay.

2 DAYS AGO

As we drive through the narrow dirt road leading us to the middle of nowhere, we glance at each other and smile.

“Thank you so much for this Lil, he was the worst one yet” Amy tells me, unafraid to admit she was wrong about 'Mr. perfect' that had taken her out only 3 hours ago. She had called me at 11pm asking for me to pick her up, as this one was another failed attempt at her quest to find ‘the one’. She had told me how she had grown tired of her ‘search’ and that she needed time away. Just me and her. She wanted to go back to the place where we had spent many years on vacation as children, the cabin with the pond that turned to ice in the winter. It was her happy place. As she was my happy place, I agreed to go with her. We packed a few of our clothes and drove off into the night.

“You are going to be okay you know, you’ve always got me haven’t you, so in the grand scheme of things, you’re pretty lucky” I tell her, looking at her with content. I was happy she was finally starting to see the world a little more through my eyes. She laughs at me as I prepare myself for her sarcastic comeback.

Then it went black.

I wake up to the smell of smoke and gasoline.

I am no longer in the driver's seat I was sat in only moments ago, I am laid on the harsh, gravel path. I move my body to find that there is little pain. A little blood from the shattered glass, but I am able to stand. As I turn to my left, I see the car.

The car is overturned and engulfed in flames.

I run towards it in urgency screaming her name.

Please, no, Amy, please.

The car shrieks as I make my way to the passenger side window.

I see her lifeless body.

I look at her and I know she’s gone.

I set off into the night, leaving the flames, leaving my sister. I begin the walk to her happy place, the pond that iced over in the winter.

I know that she is with me with each step I take.

To be continued...