The Lighthouse Keeper

If walls could talk, would anyone even listen? I've got secrets I couldn't tell anyone. Not a soul. Nor a stranger. Or ones I'm even familiar with. Tears from the ocean splash against me during a bad storm. Or when the evening tide comes home.

I'm all alone.

Or so I thought. I've lived my life against these rocks for a thousand years. Not once before has anyone asked me what I had witnessed. Sitting up high, painted white, with a swirling red stripe. My light at the top shines the sea for all who need it. I have lighted the way for the ones lost at sea, fishermen, adventurers, explorers, and pirates.

Aaaaarrrrghhhhhhhh! I've always wanted to say that.

I've seen sunrises and sunsets. Too many. I have seagulls stop by when it's the right time for fishing. When the pods of dolphins stop by, I know the weather is changing. Their majestic beauty makes me cry. Yes, I weep. I cry plenty.

For many years the sea and its inhabitants were my only friends. My oldest friend was with a turtle named Larry. I thought they would be the only ones. That is until Sebastian and Rowan arrive. A young couple, married, and in love. They were both as mysterious as they were beautiful.

Sebastian and Rowan arrived in early fall that year. All the leaves were starting to change color. Green foliage turned to vibrant reds, oranges, yellows, and purples. They were avid leaf peepers. They even had a special camera used to capture the fall leaves changing. It was a hobby they shared passionately together. They often traveled to various places to explore the area and capture photographs of their adventures.

They were in for a treat here at the lighthouse. I'm at the very edge of a national forest. Remote, private, and all to themselves. They would have many opportunities to go out and explore. To take pictures, admire the leaves, and make lasting memories together.

Rowan had short, spiraled, dark hair. Her icy blue eyes contrasted with her pale skin and bright red-adorned lipstick in a beguiling way. Sebastian was tall and had dusty blonde hair grazing his shoulders. They arrived in their eco-friendly Prius packed to the brim.

Rowan had two suitcases. One was for her clothes, the other full of her favorite books. She was an aspiring writer. She had not yet seen any of the fruits of her labor. She had an idea for a book she wanted to write. She even brought her old-fashioned typewriter. The feel of the keys under her fingers, clicking noises and changing the paper she preferred.

She looked toward me, eyes full of wonder. Her hopes and dreams she now believed. Sebastian was here for different reasons. He was to be the new keeper of the lighthouse. He could not contain his joy and excitement.

"Can you believe this babe?" Turning to look at Rowan to see her reaction. She was staring at the lighthouse wide-eyed with her mouth open. She was in shock. "I can't believe we will be living here and taking care of the lighthouse. Pinch me," she said. "I'll do more than just pinch you," he said playfully. He walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her on the head.

"What's mine is yours." He said as he waved his hand to indicate the lighthouse and the ocean staring back at them. He grabbed her hand and ran with her straight to the door. The red door beamed back at them. He slid the key in, turned, grabbed the handle, and pushed it open. A gust of wind rushed at them vehemently.

Sebastian grabbed Rowan's hand as they crossed the threshold together. Inside was spacious and grand. A spiral staircase stood before them in the center of the room. They both tilted their heads back as they gazed up to the top. Both looked astonished and mystified.

Rowan was the first to step on the staircase, held out her hand, and grazed the wall. "Oh my," I gasped. I felt her hands caress the hard concrete most gently. She turned back towards Sebastian and said, "Get up here. What are you waiting for?"

He was too busy admiring his beautiful wife and her sweet innocent nature to realize he was standing still. He started towards the staircase. He took two steps at a time to catch up to her. They arrived at the top, and a most breathtaking view caught their eyes. Their breath hitched. They stood in silence for hours, but only minutes had gone by.

The large window was wide and went around half the lighthouse. In front of the window sat a large desk with a radio. Sebastian would work to help the ships coming in. Over to the far left was a small bedroom both would share. It had everything they needed. A place to sleep, somewhere to store their clothes, and even a nook for Rowan to do her writing.

She wasted no time. She immediately unpacked her old-school black typewriter and set it up with her first piece of paper. She sat down in the chair and laid her fingers on the typewriter keys. It was her favorite thing. The smile on her face said it all. Sebastian entered the small room to see his beautiful wife shining in her true essence. She was glowing. It took his breath away. He was grateful for everything he had.

They settled into a routine rather quickly here at the lighthouse. Sebastian was the first to wake as he had his lighthouse-keeping duties to tend. He woke up every morning happier than the day before. He had achieved everything he ever wanted in life.

Rowan would start her day making coffee for both of them. She liked freshly grinding the coffee beans in the morning. Rowan found it meditative and peaceful. After, she would join Sebastian at the desk. They spent the next hour, more often than not, in silence together. They enjoyed staring out into the vast and seemingly endless ocean before them.

Rowan admired her husband and loved seeing him living his dream job. He was a natural. She loved watching him use his binoculars. Sometimes he even caught a pod of whales coming up for air in the distance. He would always take off the binoculars and hand them to Rowan so she could see. She giggled like a schoolgirl every single time. He loved it.

They would part ways after spending the early mornings together. Rowan headed to her nook to work on writing her book. Sebastian continued his duties to make sure the lighthouse was in perfect shape. I loved that he cared about me. He paid attention to detail and even planned to give me a new coat of paint. Inside and outside. If I were a schoolgirl instead of a lighthouse I would *swoon* at his care for me.

Rowan and Sebastian always came back together when it was time for their next meal. Rowan loved to cook and share food with the one she loved. Both their love language was quality time. There was a small wood-burning stove, and they had a fire at night. It made the space even cozier and warm. They both were mesmerized by the embers and the crackling noises that emerged from the fires. They could see the embers reflected in the iris of each other. They fell in love more and more each day they spent together.

Because the lighthouse was in a remote forest, they spent as much time outside together. Especially when the weather was nice. They brought their camera, packed food for the day, and journeyed off. Sebastian brought along a compass, and Rowan had a journal with a pencil. He wanted to make sure he could find the way back. She wanted to be able to write down ideas of inspiration instantaneously.

Rowan found the silence of nature and the forest to help quiet her mind. She was able to tap into a deeper creative source within her. It was natural and free. She loved the oneness she would feel in nature. It was her true home. The one she has always known. What made it more special was that she shared that with Sebastian.

Hours later, before dusk, they would return. They both were relaxed. That night Sebastian surprised Rowan with an early birthday present. "For me," she said. "I know it's early, but I saw this and knew it was for you," he said while he scooted the present close to her. She unwrapped the red bow and opened the box. Inside was a polaroid camera with enough film to last a lifetime. He wanted her to have a camera that had instant results.

She didn't hesitate to load the film and snap her first picture. She aimed and pointed directly at Sebastian. He was sitting on the floor in front of her. He was right in the middle of saying, "Rowan, what are you doing?" When she took it the flash went off. She didn't care. She was capturing her favorite piece in the world. The picture came out and she waited while it developed. She started dancing and jumping up and down. It came out perfectly.

"You are the perfect subject, my dear," she said to Sebastian. He lovingly rolled his eyes towards her as he smiled brightly. She took the photo, applied a small piece of tape to the back, and put it on the inside wall of the lighthouse. She decorated my walls with all of the polaroids she had taken. Of them together and all of their adventures with the lighthouse. I didn't mind. My walls were now filled with joy, laughter, and the love they shared.

The next several years they spent together at the lighthouse were magical. Almost like a fairytale. For both of them. Now my walls were covered in many polaroids. Rowan made a collage out of polaroids on the wall in the bedroom. Most of it was just the two of them. Some were of Rowan while she was using her typewriter. Sebastian liked to take candids of her when she wasn't looking. They made the best natural pictures of the woman he loved.

As that fall turned to winter, winter turned to spring, spring turned to summer, and summer turned to fall again. This fall was different. Both Sebastian and Rowan could feel it in the air. They both tried to shake off the unsettling feeling they had. However, each of them did not mention it to the other. As August and September moved by quickly, it was in October when they both remembered their intuition. Rowan returned home one day and would not utter a single word to Sebastian. "Your face is as pale as a ghost," he said while she would not glance up at him. "Rowan tell me what's going on this instant," he demanded. "You're starting to scare me," he said as his voice began shaking.

He moved closer to her and sat on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Whatever it is we will get through it together," he said to her. "No no no not this," she said. He was puzzled and confused. He started scratching his head. "What are you talking about Rowan?" he said with a more stern and direct tone. "I'm sick," she said as her voice was trembling. He didn't understand. He looked bewildered at her. She handed him a piece of paper from the doctor's office.

"Stage 4 lung cancer," he read it out loud. "Rowan, I don't understand this. You have never smoked a day in your life. Lung cancer, this makes no sense," he said. She could see his brain still trying to figure it out. She was just as confused as he was. "It is even worse than that," as she started to break the even worse news to him. "The doctors told me it has metastasized to my liver and brain. There is nothing they can do to help it. They have given me a prognosis of 3 months to live," she told him. He looked at her, and they both broke down crying. They both held each other. The rest of the night they spent barely speaking, embracing one another.

The news had sunk in more deeply for both the morning after. Rowan turned towards Sebastian as she handed him his morning coffee and said, "I don't want to talk about how sick I am. I don't want that to become my whole world. I want to live my last days with you as we have been. I want to make the most of the last days of my life. However many there are. I want to be with you." He looked at her and said, "I want nothing more than to be with you. For however long that is. I'll have it all."

They spent October and November how they usually did. Rowan was spending more time in her nook because she wanted to finish the book she had been writing. She worked on it more fervently as she now had a finite time. By November, she finished the end of the last page. She did it. She could not get herself to take the page out of the typewriter. As she felt that was too much. It was like she was leaving a piece of herself right there.

The beginning of December arrived with snowfall outside. Rowan was tired and spending most of her time in bed now. Her pale skin grew paler every day. Although she was naturally petite, she had shrunk in size. She wanted to see the first snowfall of winter. Sebastian picked her up and carried her all the way downstairs. He even gathered a snowball for her. So she could pelt him with it. She did. He even snapped a polaroid of her while she was doing it.

They stayed outside for as long as Rowan could handle. Back inside, they warmed up by the fire. They spent that night together talking and reading to each other from their favorite books. Rowan started to nod off in front of the fire. Sebastian scooped her up and carried her to bed. He climbed in with her, and they held hands while they slept. He awoke in the morning from the sunlight creeping in the window. He turned over to see Rowan. She was lying still. Not breathing. His heart skipped a beat. He checked for a pulse and could not find it. She went peacefully and was with the one she loved. He felt a sense of peace knowing that.

Rowan had requested cremation. She wanted Sebastian to spread her ashes in the sea below the lighthouse. She always wanted to be with him she said. She knew this way she would be. That is what he did. When he returned to their room later in the day, he noticed something. He looked over at Rowan's nook, where she was writing her book. He saw the typewriter sitting there. He noticed the paper.

Her last page left on the typewriter. He pulled it out as tears began welling up in his eyes. He quickly stacked it underneath all the other pages that were in order. He grabbed a letter-sized envelope and stuffed the pages inside. He closed it and put it inside the chest sat at the end of their bed. He could not look at it for another minute.

How could he not read it, I thought. He was saving it. Something to remember her by. Wouldn't she want him to read it? The book she finally had written just to sit and be read by no one. How could this be? My walls were weeping at the mere sight of this. If I had hands, I would grab that envelope and cherish every word written. I would memorize them. Every single word, syllable, and sentence.

Grief hits everyone differently. How one person copes may not work for someone else. Sebastian was not any different. He had his way of dealing with things. For him, it would be too painful to read it now. He knew that he would read it when the time was right. Until then, it would stay in the place it felt safe.

Sebastian stayed to be the lighthouse keeper for the remainder of his life. Some forty years passed and he was feeling a bit tired. He went to the room, opened the chest at the edge of the bed, and pulled out the letter-sized envelope. He laid down in bed and pulled out the pages. He began reading. The title read, "The Lighthouse Keeper." The dedication read, "To my sweet loving Sebastian who is always my light in the dark." Sebastian's eyes started welling up with tears. He let out a loud sigh. How could he have gone this long without reading this, he said out loud.

He shook off his guilt, shame, and sadness. He continued reading. The book was about them and their time at the lighthouse. All of the adventures they had and shared. Many memories that even Sebastian had forgotten, given his older age now. He laughed, cried, and felt immense joy while reading Rowan's words. He had a wave of peace rush over him. Unlike anything he felt before. He felt safe, happy, and loved. Truly unconditionally loved.

He turned over the last page. A single tear rolled down his cheek. His eyes were smiling. "My beautiful angel Rowan, he said." He looked through the skylight above him. He put the last page down and rolled over to sleep.