The Knock: Giants, Criminals and Me

I was tired when my battery charge read, 69. I placed it on the kitchen counter and walked towards the door. I’ve got clothes in the washing machine at 10:35pm.

If my dead grandmother would ask, why I chose to do this at this time of night.

It would be because I wish I had a different life.

A life that is magical, instead it’s sorrowful. Full of unpleasant unexpected things. What would I have to give for the pleasant expected?

Doom washed over me. As I heard the familiar sound. ©️

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The washing machine came to a tumbling stop, I knew in less than two minutes that beep would sound the reminder that I am also home alone. My shadow grew larger and wider, the light source behind me bathed around the dark outline and I suddenly became way too aware. The fact that beyond my window is pitch black behind the white sheer curtains. They would move if the window was opened and my heart would drop.

Somehow I felt immortal. Which is just as comforting as the thought of the house falling down, caving in and crushing me to death. Of course this is the thought I have when it’s late at night and I am home alone. I rolled my eyes at my own thinking brain.

I backed out and stood opposite the door of my living room and the bathroom. My home is small and everything is a close reach. A scent came and lingered — it wasn’t the scent of human feces. But the herbal notes in red wine. The clock ticked its own rhythm and I remembered how I did not set the table, especially not with a cup of red wine resting on the thick glass. ©️

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In just a few steps I went back into the kitchen and opened the fridge and there was no wine. This was where I left it the night before, I did not take a drink earlier in the day, either. But I could taste the tannins on the side of my tongue as my mind leapt to the memory of it tinting my tongue along my taste buds — in the mirror. I moved my tongue around inside my mouth, side to side and hesitated going towards the living room door again. Shut. It stayed. Bringing my heart rate up, it felt like someone was behind there. But then I smell fresh bread, that toasted nutty smell and I salivated.

The fear I felt, now falling like my shadow behind me.

I reached for the cold doorknob but the light that was once illuminating the items behind the door was so bright that it looked like a different world behind there, something I could no longer see, or pierce through with vision alone. A portal. Not my workout ball, not the wooden floor. Just white.

There was a knock.

But I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Only that my phone on the kitchen counter was flipped down, while the washing machine cornered my peripheral. I always have my phone facing upwards. What if there was a message from my pregnant mother.

I turned back to look at the door. My ADHD brain is operating as usual.

A sound of something scraping took me out of my head. A light of gold writing appeared on the door right before my eyes. As if each blink I made wrote a letter.

‘Ask, and it will be given to you’

‘Seek and you will find’

‘Knock and it will be opened to you.’©️

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The words wrote themselves without sound, yet a single voice inside my head read them. Not of a gendered voice, but a voice that gave me goosebumps. It felt bizarre to knock on my own living room door, but I felt my right hand press against the door even though I would usually turn the door knob. But even the doorknob appeared to be of a different kind and the door pushed open. I felt hands, warm hands pulling me in.

Even though my feet moved forward. I somehow felt like I was closer to them than I usually am. That’s when it all came clear… It appears I am walking on the forest grounds, in a miniature version of myself.

The hand that pulled me in? it doesn’t appear to be anywhere close by.

I picked up a random autumn leaf and it was, you guessed it. Not too big for me. The light weight saved me from tipping over. It could become my umbrella, the size is not too large compared to me as human sized with a real umbrella. The chances of me drowning if it rained would be little to none. Would it fall limp around my top half? Inside my nose the resinous smell of bark and the musty aroma that seems to linger this low among the leaves —reminded me that I was quite far away from home. ©️

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A bird began to sing. But it was hopping on the ground looking for —what I would hope — hawthorn berries instead of me as food or a play thing with hair it could pick at. I don't feel like I am wearing the costume of a worm today or even as uncomfortably ugly and wiggly.

The hawthorn tree was nearby but all I could perceive was how overly large the trees were — not enough confidence to tell them all apart. Not like the robin who seems to be puffing its chest out at me. It picked up a berry before dropping it and picking it up again. Three times. I counted. I wondered if this was how being shocked was displayed in birds. Maybe it wasn’t too secure in its dominance after all.

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After walking along the vastness of the forest ground. Leaves falling onto my head partially blocking my view, I threw it down and I could see the trees passing along me. The wind picked up and it felt like a storm was coming over my head. The leaves dashed themselves against the other, before the wind calmed again and the forest sunk into silence.

But there were legs before me. Wooden. It looked like it was painted black. I must’ve been a giant as a human sized person. Because what was between these wooden legs were covered with fabric. Giant human legs. Giant humans. What is that smell? I breathed in deeply. It was the smell of wine and bread again.

I wasn't as afraid as I thought I would be. But for some reason I became desperate to find something to ride. At least something that would make it easier to get closer so I could see their faces.

There was a crunch thump!

Why did it suddenly go dark? I pushed my hair away from my face and tried to brush... dirt and leaves off? I was moving. But I wasn’t walking. There is something orange underneath me and it suddenly dawned on me that there is a thing carrying me.

This time I was afraid. I didn’t want to see what the thing was. I just know that it is orange. It climbed this wooden leg as if it was a monkey climbing a tree. That was when I realised — even though it took a long time — to see that they were all wearing prison uniforms.

Their eyes were like marbles.

They weren’t blinking.

They were looking, but not at each other.

My heart started to race.

That was when the thing that was carrying me talked.

‘Do you recognise anyone?’

It placed me down on the… table?

Bread and wine were placed in front of each giant. I didn’t know what was more scary, the pumpkin that was talking to me or the fact that I am standing right before these giant criminals.