The Box

Decisions, decisions. I know it’s July but I like the Christmas paper, especially the one with snowflakes. Maybe the simple white and red stripe. Horizontal stripes make me look bigger. No to the Christmas paper?

Fine, the birthday paper. As long as it’s the one with party poppers and balloons. I am not going anywhere in unicorns and rainbows. Everyone will make fun of me. If you’re going to do that to me, might as well be the pink tutus and tiaras.

Yuck. You’ve got to be kidding. Plain brown?

Why not just leave me naked for the entire world to see, Brown is no better. I’m going to blend into everything. I know there are going to be dozens and dozens in brown. This isn’t going to do my self-esteem any good.

Well, at least use the matching brown tape and not that clear stuff. The clear stuff shows every little blemish. No double wrapping, it’s already stuffy enough on the planes.

Hm, not a bad job. Edges nicely creased, seams all straight and flat. I don’t look too bad in brown.

I understand there not being room enough in the suitcase, two weeks is a long trip to pack for, but I don’t think the three pairs of shoes were really necessary. You have a pair on your feet. Beige is a neutral color. They’ll match everything. Maybe not the cocktail dress, but everything else. The stilettos could’ve come along, but the platforms and the Peter pan boots could’ve been left behind.

So instead of the suitcase, I’m on the top of the tote bag. Water bottle sweating and making warped marks on my side. If you had started packing three days ago instead of an hour before we’re supposed to leave, I have no doubt room could’ve been made in the suitcase.

Sigh

It is 45 minutes to the airport. I’m going to take a nap.

Hey, ease up on the elbow crush. It’s not my fault I rolled out of the tote on the conveyor belt. You just had to stuff in that last bag of chips and handful of protein bars, like one bag of chips would not do it, like there’s no food at the other end in Wisconsin.

And, look, they put this neon sticker on me, as if I were a common postal parcel. It’s not as if I could’ve gotten any further without going through TSA. That’s sticker sticks out like a sore thumb. Sure, it says I’m OK, I’ve been checked out, but it’s not like anyone would think otherwise if I’m past security. Just put me back into the tote and stop complaining.

Thank goodness it’s not crowded here at the gate. On top of the tote in this chair I’ve got a great view. I like to know who I’m traveling with.

Look over there, see those two?

No, over to the left, hanging out of a grandma‘s purse. Rainbows and unicorns, poor things. What’s that…

Whoa, what’s with the floor? You don’t know what kind of things are in this carpet. Why did you put the iPod all the way at the bottom? Fine, get yourself together and then put me back in the tote.

Don’t use both earbuds. You’ll miss the announcements for our flight. I won’t be able to get your attention. See, you’re not listening to me now. Put me back in the tote.

Fine, be that way, ignore me. Maybe the carpet will dry out the warped spots from the water bottle.

I think they just announced boarding for our flight. Now will you put me back in the tote?

Hey, where are you going, you can’t just leave me here?

Damn earbuds. Now what am I supposed to do?

Excuse me, ma’am, over here. I could use some assistance.

If she wasn’t busy flirting with the pilot maybe she could hear me. She cannot possibly be properly checking boarding passes while she’s checking him out, too. Last call for boarding and she’s not even scanning the area for people who may have fallen asleep much less things left behind like me.

Hey, lady, over here. That’s my flight.if I weren’t in this brown paper blending into the brown carpet… If I were red and white stripes or balloons and party poppers, you better believe shit see me. I must find some help.

Hey, kid, yeah, you. Come here.

He’s got to be five or six. He is more than big enough, if I can get him to understand me through this paper.

Kid, yes, you. I need to be moved. Preferably onto the airplane, but I would settle for the check-in counter right now. Can you help me out?

I think he gets it. He’s smiling at me. He’s running over this way. He’s running faster. Wait, is that a soccer uniform he’s wearing?

No, no, kid. Go back to your mom. I am not a soccer ball. Don’t you dare-

Eeeeeeeee.

Thud.

Oh, man, that’s gonna leave a mark. Good thing I am corrugated. Where did that little monster go?

Yeah, your kid, lady. Little monster. Going around kicking things. That’s right, grab him by the earlobe. Give him what for. At least now I have some peoples attention. No need to back away from me. I don’t bite. That kid probably bites, but I don’t. What are you are staring at?

Ah, officer, am I glad you’re here. I’m supposed to be on that—

Oh, look at that cute robot. Is this just for me?

Wow, this is service. He’s being so gentle, even holding me perfectly level. No motion sickness this trip. He’s not even letting anyone see the obnoxious neon sticker from TSA. I’ll make quite an entrance as I board.

Wait, you’re supposed to take a left, the plane door is that way. Why are you going outside?

You’re not going to make me fly in cargo are you? None of this was my fault. I know I look a little ragged, but TSA manhandled me, then I had to set on the filthy carpet, then there was this kid who kick the crap out of me. It’s been a rough trip so far and I haven’t even gone anywhere, if you know what I mean. I won’t file a complaint. Come on come on nothing…

We’re not going towards the plane. Why are we not going towards the plane?

Oh, are those guys going to help me. Do I have to get on another flight. Did the other one already leave. They’re all a little overdressed for this time of year.

Why are you putting me down here on the ground? What’s that you’re putting on top of me? Why is everybody moving behind that little wall.

Hey, you’re gonna leave me out here in the hot sunshine? There’s nothing else out here. You just tossed me out of the airport like this was all my fault. It’s not my fault I’m Brown, it’s not my fault I’m disheveled, it’s not my fault none of you seem to speak box. It’s not my fault-

POOM