Humor

Greta’s Story, told by an Extraordinary Cat.
My story in the beginning was very traumatic, very much so. Somebody dumped me in a trash can, leaving me terrified. Can you imagine it, me, in a garbage can. I still shudder thinking about it. Some stranger found me and took me to a place where other animals, of dubious character lived.
By Dianne Neal4 years ago in Fiction
Two Guys Walk into a Bar
"Hey, Mitch." The owner of the Leaping Toady gave Destry a sour look, popped the top off a longneck and placed the bottle on the bar.
By Kat Nove4 years ago in Fiction
Drug Trip
He wasn’t supposed to be here. And not in the good, wedding-crasher kind of not supposed to be here way, either. Like - the universe, capital U Universe, or god or God or even just Instinct had a very specific plan for him, and it most certainly did not include him being here. He knew that because his body was screaming at him. His body said “TURN AROUND!” but his legs wouldn’t listen. Okay, wait. Maybe it was his mind screaming that, then. His legs were part of his body. But anyways - not good. Legs unresponsive, aside from one of the most aggressive tremors he’d ever witnessed. It would’ve almost been fun to watch the way his knee was trembling, if it weren’t such dire circumstances. Like he had to give a speech in front of class with no pants on and he’d forgotten all his words and someone was live-streaming the event while the world mocked him and also someone had a gun to his head saying “say the speech exactly as we discussed or I’m going to cancel your existence,” type of tremble. But there was no time to appreciate the involuntary leaps his knee was taking. There was just: panic. “James,” the voice in his head said, “not good.”
By Peter Moran4 years ago in Fiction
Under Cover of Christmas
“Mom, can you write me a check for $65.32? Please make it out to L.L. Bean.” I handed her an envelope with two ten dollar bills, two twenties, a five, a quarter, a nickel and two pennies.
By Walter Rhein4 years ago in Fiction
Bernie, Sheila and Dave
The dining room table groaned under the weight of food from M&S. Bernie hoped people would eat more. She couldn’t face the prospect of the limp, misery sodden left overs. “People are always too polite at funerals” she thought as she watched George from over the road politely picking at the prawn sandwiches and mini pork pies.
By Siddown4 years ago in Fiction
The Mousekeeper
Edgar Allen Stevens had only been seen once since getting out of prison three months ago— entering a pet store downtown, and wearing a sombrero of all things. Only one person saw him leave— Melissa Muscustos, who also happened to know exactly what he had purchased, and exactly how many.
By Liam McCloskey4 years ago in Fiction
"Title Missing"
“Title Missing” It was that time of year again in the coffers of fate. The time of years when all of the greatest writers , storytellers, poets, script writers, social media comment makers, and editors gather at the grand book stores of the hallowed halls of “Words and What have You.” To submit their works into the greatest collection of stories ever known. Some would come chrome near and far to place their pages into the “Deas Ex Thesurous” to have it finally register in the great god machine's purpose of thought and perpetual existence.
By Epitome Publishing4 years ago in Fiction
Reincarnation
They had been many things over innumerable lifetimes. A magnificent tiger, stalking through the brush. A dolphin, chattering among its pod, cresting waves in glittering leaps. Picture them, perhaps skittering across cracked desert sand, stinging prey with a whip of their tail. See them now, dancing the mating dance in colored plumage, caught twitching in a spiders web, gliding above continents, on shimmering wings. They crawled and slithered, ran and bounded.
By Izzy A.4 years ago in Fiction
Jesus And The Apostles Versus The Dragons.
“Jesus,” said Peter, “How are we going to keep this out of the papers?” “What papers?” wondered Jesus, but He knew that someday ‘the papers’ would be invented and that someday even further everyone would blame the Internet for killing off papers, only He wasn’t going to stop the Internet from being invented, just delay it past the 1970s. God only knows why THAT was the plan, and He wouldn’t tell Jesus.
By Briane Pagel4 years ago in Fiction
“I Have Been Waiting So Long For My Prime Rib & Chicken Sizzlin’ Skillet, I Have Been Able To Read 7 Wikipedia Articles Chosen At Random.”
I really think that this is ridiculous, don’t you honey? I mean, I have now just finished my seventh Wikipedia article at random, reading on my phone like a sucker, stuck in this booth and wondering if I should get a second refill of my diet Coke ™ before my food even arrives.
By Briane Pagel4 years ago in Fiction
Buying a Pet To Fill My Empty Heart
Finding my days were empty and filled with nothing but the excruciating tedium of my own company, I bought a pet. I read online that pets help fulfil human’s base social needs when another person isn’t there to do it. Also, animals require much less effort than people. You can treat animals terrible and they’ll think no worse of you, as long as you keep them fed and rub their bellies once in a while.
By R P Gibson4 years ago in Fiction
An Adult Letter to Santa. Top Story - December 2021.
Dear Santa, I know I’ve been saying for a while that I will call, or text, or even write. Life has been so busy I haven't had the time to do any of those things, no matter how often I tell my children I will. Sometimes I think they try to keep me busy on purpose, so I don't have the opportunity to. I'm sure you can figure out why as you see everything. Now that I have a moment to myself, I figured it was time to truly reach out. There are just a few things I want to discuss with you, and I hope you take the time to consider them all. It really isn't anything major. I'm just making sure we are on the same page to ensure a fantastic holiday for everyone.
By Michaela Gallien4 years ago in Fiction