Humor

A tryst with my lover
Here we meet again, my dear protagonist You. A Box of brown How is it that you.....A simple wrapped mystery Adorned with such loving thought and care
By Novel Allen3 years ago in Fiction
Benefactor
The eye-watering swirl, floating above my bed, suggested that I might like to eat something. Which was unnecessary, really; I could always eat something. Ask those who know me — they will tell you the truth: It’s one of my favorite things to do, on any planet. I’m fortunate, in a way, to be working so hard at my job and my schooling that I can’t rest long enough to gain much weight.
By Eric Wolf3 years ago in Fiction
Drowning my Sorrows
I couldn’t believe she was gone. After all I’d done for her, all the money and love I’d given her, all the indiscretions I’d forgiven because of her ‘compulsive personality disorder,’ she left me to go live in a homeless shelter so she could drink and do drugs with her new homeless boyfriend.
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Fiction
The Robbery
My eyes shifted around the diner. Different assortments of people filled the booths and tables around us. A somewhat crowded group huddled around a long table in the middle. A big, yet plastic, trophy sat at the end of their table, with a little white cross sitting next to it, words of the eternal scripture carved below.
By M3 years ago in Fiction
Born in 1964
That day started like any other day. Wake up, brush my teeth, get dressed, order the damnation of thousands, eat breakfast, etc. Geoffrey reminded me that we had public decapitations at noon the following day per the schedule. There was also apparently a rebellion in the south that would need quashing eventually.
By John Eva3 years ago in Fiction
The Shark Tank Cleaner
I didn’t like my job, but it paid well. Every day, I had to clean the waste from the tanks, but the shark tanks were the worst. They made the most waste, and it smelled like rotten meat. At least I had Shelia to help me.
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Fiction
The Secret Ingredient
The couch is very comfortable. So comfortable in fact, that it makes me never want to stand up again. I wonder if anyone has been crazy enough to have their own ass sewn into a couch before? It does sound painful, but you’d never have to get up ever again, and eventually, the pain of having your cheeks sewn to a couch will go away, and then you’ll be comfortable, basically forever.
By Alexander T Richardson3 years ago in Fiction
The Attack
The attack came in the middle of the day. I was sleeping fitfully at the time, my eyes twitching rapidly beneath closed lids. My limbs jolting as they subconsciously mimicked the quickening actions of my dream.
By Amy Lindop3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 80
Siltana still had a few soldiers by her side . They rallied with a battlecry around her and we all fight each other for a while . Siltana cocked her sword back for a power slash and Jerry tried to block her . To no avail Jerry was also sent flying by her through the wall . I had been through the same thing and the whole situation felt like Deja Vu . ( We have the same term on this planet ). Luckily though , before Jerry was sent flying . We took out the rest of her guards . The last three standing in the room were me , Siltana and John . Although I’m sure Jerry and Bulls Eye weren’t out for the count . To me right now . We were at an advantage .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 79
She continued to laugh for awhile , even holding her stomach and wiping off tears . I started to wonder if she's been getting high with her magic . That is a thing in this world . People can get addicted to their own powers . Depending on the exact power and their addiction natures . Siltana then seemed to abruptly get more serious as she gathered herself and cleared her throat . She walked up to me , stared at me dead in my eyes . Then she asked me , " why are you here and how many more of you are there ?" I said , "I don’t know why I’m here . Drill voice mode activate electricity absorption . Drill voice mode activate wrap around head . " She gave me a shocked and confused look as my drill started to wrap around the helmet . I got sick of being captured and installed simple voice activated commands during preparation . I've been so excited about my moving arm upgrade . That I almost forgot that I added this capability exactly for situations like this . It made sense though . I am such an optimist focused on succeeding that I would be inclined to not think about my fail safes I prepare .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 78
One of the guards shouted at us to shut up . Now that we were actually speaking and it wasn't so dark anymore . I noticed that the soldiers were all of the Rottweiler dog race . We have a few Rottweiler dogs back home . I wonder if they are related in any way . The Rottweiler guard that told us to shut up continued to speak while I was thinking . " There is no way that you guys are getting out of here now . In fact I don’t even know what made you guys think that you could invade our village ! Either way once Siltana turns the four of you over to our master . He's going to going to get to the bottom of things if Siltana somehow can not . The worst part is that once Siltana and our Master are done with you , there will be nothing left ." We complied and stopped talking because we were at a disadvantage at the moment. Best to be silent . It would probably be best to follow orders for now .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 77
The sun was starting to rise and at this point you could to hear the frightened villagers screaming in fear from inside their homes . Some of the guys from the homes came out side shouting and yelling to confront us only to get knocked out . We were ordered to take it easy on the civilians. So we made sure not kill or injure any of them and we kept it moving. The chief would be proud of our discipline that we are showing .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction