Stuck

“—will be assigned through a lottery system beginning this year. All independent travellers will need to register for this lottery, while partners and families will be asked to register within a specific ‘unit category.’ We believe this is a necessary policy in order to alleviate complications related to the drastic increase in seasonal migration throughout our nation. To ensure equitable travel opportunities, the winners of the lottery in a given year will not be able to apply for tickets again for a minimum of three years.”

Rian paid little attention to the speech happening on the kitchen’s wall-screen. His mother couldn’t ignore it as she worked on breakfast.

“While this may disrupt some long-held traditions, and present challenges for others due to the extreme heat we face in the southern regions of our nation, we ask for your patience and understanding. Citizens with age-related or pre-existing medical conditions that may be exacerbated by heat exposure will be able to register for a variety of personal support programs, and all child care, or supplementary educational programming, will be provided and housed exclusively in climate-controlled domes.”

In fact, Rian was so entirely absorbed in the narrative playing out on the kitchen table, one he was creating, that he didn’t even look up when he heard his mother make the phone call. The long, slim, wooden table had been sealed with a black aquacoat, giving Rian the perfect background for his ‘LEGO Space Epic.’ The irregular lines in the grain of the wood had retained a lighter tone than the surrounding material after being sealed, creating what, to Rian’s eyes, looked like the stellar clouds he could see in pictures taken by the variety of telescopes orbiting the planet.

“Ring Squad One! Come in! The Ravagers are attacking from the Dark Region! We need help!”

He lifted several handheld ships from the chair beside him, sweeping them in over the top of the table.

“PSSHSSHHHHEEWWWWWWW — Help has arrived Qurg-onauts. And we’ve got a special surprise for the Ravagers! — BEEEWWWWWW BEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!”

“— I’ll enter the lottery this afternoon, but think about how many hundreds of thousands of people are going to be applying for tickets from our area. I’m not saying we won’t see you this year, but mom, I have to seriously consider how I am going to manage Rian’s summer. If I can’t leave him up there with you, I am going to need to figure out where he’s spending his days. And I am also going to need to manage his response to….”

Rian’s mother paused, checking to see if Rian was listening or not. She turned her back to him and continued in a whisper;

“….. not spending the summer with his cousins. You know that these six weeks, especially the four without me being up there, are incredibly important to him. He is still struggling in school. — No no. He made two friends that he spent quite a bit of time with outside of class this year, but it’s still not comfortable for him. I can tell. These last few summers with Graham and Daniel have meant so much. Those two have helped him break out of his shell and feel great about who he is. They don’t make him feel weird about the fact that he loves creating things…. stories, his little LEGO objects, even food. Did I tell you he has been asking to cook with me!?”

She glanced over her shoulder, and couldn’t help but smile at the thought of how clever and curious her only child was.

“I think it’s spectacular that he isn’t obsessed with some video game, or app, or show…. But it’s weird to other kids that this is how he spends his time. Even his teachers find it strange when he asks to handwrite things rather than type them up on a device. — No he knows how to! He does have a phone and a laptop here at home. He just, I don’t know, finds it more interesting to do things by hand?”

A clatter rang out from behind her.

Rian’s mother knew the sound well. LEGO shards being sprinkled across the table and rattling their way onto the kitchen floor. She spun around to see Rian standing over the table, holding a single fighter craft in the air, and crumbling the front end of a large ‘capital ship’ in his left hand.

“You did it Ring Squad! We can see the command deck of the Qurg-onauts Destructor breaking up! Please come dock at our capital city and we will rewar——”

“Rian….” his mother cut in.

He looked up at her with a big smile on his face.

“Could you clean up the galactic kitchen table for me? I’m just finishing my conversation with Jebba, then we’ll have some breakfast okay?”

“Yep. Do you need me to get out plates or anything?”

“Sure Ri, that would be great.”

As he swept the carnage from the table, Rian’s mother laid her phone gently on the counter and carried large bowls of granola, yogurt, and scrambled eggs to the table.

The two sat quietly for the first few minutes of breakfast. Rian’s mother wrestled with the anxiety of having to explain to her son that it was very likely he wouldn’t be going to spend the summer with his Jebba and his cousins. Worse than that, he would likely be going to a ‘day camp’ for the six weeks following her personal holiday. Which would mean being surrounded by other kids, not all of whom would be 11 years old like himself, and many that would likely be the same, or very similar to the kids in his school. His response to the news was mostly what his mother had expected….. mostly.

“What do you mean we probably aren’t going to Jebba’s? Is she sick? Did something happen!? What about Graham and Daniel? Do they get to go to Jebba’s still? This isn’t fair. This is f*cking bullsh*t!”

Despite not always fitting in, and finding social relationships to be a source of frustration at times, Rian very rarely presented as dysregulated. He was often level-headed, kind, patient, and understanding, even when things didn’t go his way.

This was different. Every word dripped with snark and anger. Like he was blaming her for this decision. The swearing was a whole other matter.

“I’m sorry….. WHAT did you just say?”

“You heard me. F*ck this.”

Rian stormed off towards his room.

His mother let him. She understood. She was crushed for him.

She sat alone at the table in silence finishing the portion of eggs she’d scooped onto her plate. Her heart sank as she slowly chewed and swallowed each bite.

She looked across the table at Rian’s empty chair and half-eaten breakfast. His fork rested against the edge of his plate at a severe angle, and chunks of egg, which had been launched from his plate in response to his dejected toss of said fork, speckled the black wood around it.

She decided that she would give him some time to come to terms with the situation before chasing after him. Taking the time to clean up would end up doing that for her anyways.

————————

“That’s NOT fair. The Brussels go away to a NEW place EVERY summer. They don’t have any family they go visit. OR a tradition like WE do!!!!”

“Well, we don’t know that Rian. I know they don’t travel north every year, but they do travel…. and we don’t know them very well. Maybe they do travel with their extended family members each summer.”

“Ya. I bet they DO. They could probably PAY for their ENTIRE family to go somewhere each year. THEY COULD PROBABLY TURN THEIR OWN HOUSE INTO AN IGLOO IF THEY WANTED! WHY BOTHER GOING ANYWHERE!?!?”

Rian’s mom gave him a sympathetic, yet disappointed look.

“It’s just not fair mom.”

“Why isn’t it fair? Because you aren’t getting what you want?”

“NO! It’s just…. WHY can’t everyone just go where they want to for summer? What’s so different now?”

“Rian, you’re very bright…. I know you’ve noticed how much longer it has taken us to get to Jabba’s over the last few years. I know you’ve noticed how many more people seem to want to leave the city in the summer now. What do you think that does to our transportation systems? Do you think having more planes, trains and cars moving around help fix the reason so many people want to leave in the summer?”

“Well…. No. But just…. How is it that the BRUSSELS got tickets this year? The very FIRST lottery, and THEY won some? What are the chances? I bet they just PAID. I bet they are going to pay EVERY year. THAT is not fair.”

“Ri, if that is the case, you will absolutely be right. But we don’t know if that is what happened.”

His mother paused and looked out his window at the park that stretched out behind their housing circle.

“Look, I am going to invite your cousins to come stay here for the next 2 weeks while I am off. I’m sure if they were lucky enough to get their own lottery tickets in the draws over the past few days, they would have told us. So I’m assuming they won’t be going to Jebba’s either. If they come here while I’m on vacation, you’ll still be able to spend some time togeth—”

“Thanks mom…. but it won’t be the same.”

“No. No it won’t. I know that. But I promise, I’ll stay hidden and out of your business for the most part. Other than slaving over meals and others treats for you like Jebba would…..

She scrunched up her nose and gave him a crooked, sarcastic grin.

“That way it’ll feel like you’ve got time to yourselves, just like it would up north.”

Rian lifted his head from the novel he was reading to acknowledge her. He shot her a mischievous smile and asked, “And we could camp out in the living room so that we can all sleep together and stay up as late as we want!?!”

“Does Jebba let you boys do that!?" his mother questioned with a knowing grin. "I’ll have to have a more serious talk with her!”

They both laughed a little, and Rian rolled his eyes. He suddenly seemed much more settled than he had been for days.

“Thanks for making life do-able mom.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Now, we aren’t supposed to see any of this summer’s extreme heat for another week or so, so we should be able to keep up our afternoon walks in the park before dinner. You up for that over the next few days before your cousins steal you away from me?”

“Let’s do it! Every night until they arrive.”

————————

For the last two years, Rian and his mother had made it a habit to walk the streets, parks and trails in their area 4-5 times a week. Rian had recently begun to feel very odd about this, but it didn’t have anything to do with them or their habit. It was that so few other people did this. Seeing other families, or even individual people out walking, appreciating the real, physical world that was steps away from their homes, was rare. Even in the cooler Winter months, Rian might see community sports teams playing once a week, and things like outdoor concerts or other events didn’t seem to ever happen.

Rian loved the fact that many of the parks or trails they would visit often felt deserted. It was like having a private sanctuary that had been built just for the two of them. But he also felt a kind of profound sadness, one that he was still too young to fully describe or place. It presented as a whirring buzz inside of him, like bees wrestling to climb from his chest up to his throat. It hit him every time he looked up at the glow from windows in the homes and buildings around them as they walked. It was especially pronounced during the cooler evenings, on the fringes of summer. Though it may have already been too hot to be outside for long during the days, it was always perfect in-between as the sun sank below the horizon each night. He wondered why, after being stuck inside all day without even having the option of spending time outside, people would choose to stay in. What kept them there…..

————————

The two weeks with his cousins went as perfectly as his mother could have hoped. Daniel and Graham were a few years older than Rian, and were both not only aware of, but also engaged with a lot of popular media and technology…. the kind of thing Rian couldn’t be bothered with. They had also started to develop those fuzzy feelings for others, and although Rian’s mother believed he had not quite gotten there yet, she did overhear them talking about ‘classmates they liked’ one evening before they fell asleep. Daniel even had a girlfriend! However, the two of them never treated Rian as if he weren’t ‘on their level.’ They were thoughtful, caring older cousins, and were happy to spend most of their time throughout the sweltering days in the comfort of the air conditioned living room, creating elaborate stories together, playing some of Rian’s board games, and yes, occasionally playing some video games that the two had brought with them. Rian did enjoy video games, he just never really showed an interest in playing them alone.

It was a fantastic two weeks. But, ironically, time will often escape us the quickest when we’re fully present in a moment, or engaged with others. We can become lost, in the most beautiful way, in our experience. And so Rian was…. until his cousins had to leave, and his mother went back to work.

————————

“Week 3. Almost halfway there.”

Rian tried to encourage himself with some positive self-talk as he sluggishly made his way to his housing region’s Dome.

It was only 8:00am, but it was already unbearably hot. Had he lived just 100m further away from the Dome, it would have been mandatory to provide him with an Automated-Pick-Up Vehicle, or “A-Poo” as many kids referred to them. He could see the translucent panels of the Dome tinting to a near midnight black as he approach the central doors, chuckling to himself about the fact that he was about to escape from the ‘deadly U.V. rays’ of the sun, only to sit under U.V. lamps all day. Sure, it would mean that the heat wouldn’t kill him, but it was still ironic, almost absurd, that in order to get the same benefits he would receive from normal sunlight, he had to be hidden away in a dome where man-made lights could provide that safely.

As he entered the Dome, the noise level rose from the near silence outside, to a frenzy of chatter, laughter, music, sound effects, and the odd bout of shouting or crying.

“Good morning Rian!” Ms. Alouik called out to him. She did this for every child, no matter how much, or how little he assumed she liked them (based on his own feelings about them). He smiled at the extraordinarily tall woman, admiring her bright red, curly hair, and responding with a pleasant “Good morning!” of his own before heading towards his cubby.

After dropping his bag and taking his lunch and snacks over to the ’11’s Chiller,’ Rian took up residence in his usual spot on a huge anti-grav cushion (which was really just a cushion filled with some kind of gel-like substance) in the ‘calm square.’ He liked starting his day there because the thin walls of plexiglass granted him at least some reprieve from the noise and energy of the rest of the Dome. He’d usually go looking for Brianna or Landon after lunch, some of the few in his Dome that he knew would be willing to play a game, solve a puzzle, or simply talk about interesting topics. But he preferred to start his days quietly. He was also in the midst of working through his seventh book out of the fifteen he’d planned to read over his time in the Dome this summer. He didn’t want to lose momentum.

His days carried on like this, one after another, until the summer finally crept to its inevitable end. With the most devastating heat events of the year all but over, and a return to his regular ‘school life’ on the horizon, Rian lamented the fact that his summer was not what it was supposed to be, or at least, what he had expected it to be.

On the night before he was set to return to school, he looked up at his mother while they were eating and was struck by just how grateful he was to have her.

“Hey mom…. Thanks for letting Daniel and Graham visit this summer. I know you were on vacation too, but you made sure we got to have ours. You’re an amazing mom. I love you.”

His mother finished chewing her mouthful of brussel sprouts, forcing them down through a choked-up smile, and began to return an ‘I love you too,’ when the phone rang to cut her off.

Rian watched her eyes widen at whatever the caller was saying, and after a series of rapid fire ‘Thank you! Oh thank you’s,’ she hung up and smiled the biggest smile he could ever remember seeing from her.

“I love you too, and I was happy to do that for you Ri. But…. I do have one important thing to ask you.”

Rian stared at his mother quizzically, waiting for the question.

“I need you to start planning what you’d like to do next summer.... because we were just given travel permission!”