Stained Glass Window

I often wondered about that stained glass window. How old was it? Who crafted it? Why on a library?

I grew up walking past it everyday on the way to school. I've always admired it but the significant thing to me was the image. It was a buffalo. Why would anyone in their right mind want a buffalo on a stained glass window?

Your normal everyday average stained glass is usually of the religious type. Jesus, angels, and the garden of Eden scenes are always to be expected. Even a floral design would be more fitting.....but a buffalo? I can see it on a nickel....but stained glass?

I'm sitting on the bench/bed waring my layered clothes waiting on the soup kitchen to open. Being mid-winter layers are a must and the warmth of the soup or whatever meal they have....essential!!! It's not always the best menu but anything on the belly is a high point of the day. Sometimes I feel that it is the only point of my day....if any at all.

At some point in life my will was sapped out of me. I wish I could blame it on the outside influences....but truth be known....they were just the consequences of the draining. At some point...I had just given up. It was a gradual decline....with a sudden stop.

My childhood was not that of the horrible type...there was no lack material wise. If any lack.....I would say emotional.....I was quite the sensitive type especially to others feelings. That would be the only thing I can think of....without having to pay a therapist. But I always loved to make people laugh or get a smile from others. Even at a young age...as far back as I can remember....it was always something me and that person shared.

By teenage years the rebellion rose and nothing could stop me!!! My friends were my family but my family wasn't friends. And something about that joy I shared with others I then became dependent on. Seemed others were more important than I was....which set the theme for what seemed the rest of my life. "If only I knew then."...pops in my head all the time.

Having somehow to have made it to my thirties...at this point I've wondered why I'm still alive. I have no kids....no wife....no job...no life as some would say. "Why do I exist!?" I said as I stared at the stained glass window. I might add that I've never been a dummy...lack of intelligence was not my downfall....in fact it might have helped it. I knew treating others as I would like to be treated would in fact be returned to me at some point. I guess you can say I'm still waiting.

As I'm pondering existence and staring this colorful buffalo in the eyes a thought hit me. "Why don't you go ask the librarian about the window? There's a good chance they might know more about it." So I stashed my belongings in my stash spot and eagerly went in to crush my curiosity.

As I came to the front desk the lady behind it seemed intrigued. "Can I help you kind sir?" she said sweetly. "I hope so mam but it's ok if you can't. I was just wondering on the history and reasoning behind the buffalo stained glass window?" She smiled and said "I'm glad you asked....and yes I do."

"You see the window was donated by a writer who actually use to be homeless. As a matter of fact he used to sleep on that bench outside." By this point my jaw had dropped...I said "But why a buffalo?" "He had once herd that the buffalo stood for strength, stability, freedom and abundance....oh and gratitude as well. And represents the ultimate self-sacrifice for the being of others."

"He said that he had always believed in others and usually put them first until this dream he had of riding a buffalo....that's when he decided to believe in himself." she said matter of factly. "The buffalo had broke away from the herd and scooped him up. they rode over the hillside to a mansion down in a holler. As he got off the buffalo and entered the mansion the buffalo disappeared. He saw himself looking back at him from the living room of the mansion....then he woke up and wrote a best seller. Beautiful story isn't it?" she said so kindly. "Yes mam it is...thank you!!!" I said. "Anytime." she smiled.

That was ten years ago. I have often thought of that day while sitting in my study. That was the day I put me first....that was the day I discovered my true value as a human being. That's the day I finally decided to love myself as I do others....the day I decided to live again. And as I visit the homeless shelters that my books have funded....I always stop to look at that stained glass window. And I smile at that buffalo each time.