Sophie's Journey

"Hello, big blue bear. I am Sophie and I am looking for myself. It seems I have lost myself. Can you help me?"

"Oh, Sophie. Yes, I remember you! It has been a long time. And time is precious, for we never know how much we have left. So let us not be wasteful: do you see this old castle on the horizon?"

"I do."

"This shall be your destination. Ask for the crow. Better get going - the walk is long and I sense thunderstorm in my bones."

"Thank you, big blue bear."

"It's not time for niceties Sophie, it's time to look for yourself. Go, hurry!"

-

"I am looking for... I am looking for the crow."

"On what business have you come? This castle is not open to everyone. Admission is reserved for special guests."

"The big blue bear sent me here. I am looking for myself. He told me to ask for the crow."

"Oh, Sophie! Yes, we have been waiting for you. Master crow is ready to receive you at the top of the tower. Don't let the staircase's spirals throw you off balance. They can challenge your orientation and leave you dizzy."

"I will try my best."

-

"Welcome Sophie. How was the ascent?"

"Challenging. I was close to turning around. I half-forgot why I came."

"You have a long way to go indeed. Do you remember why you came now?"

"I have lost myself and I am trying to find myself again. The big blue bear told me you could help."

"Oh that bear... how was your encounter with him?"

"Short. He was helpful, but a bit abrupt. Keen not to waste time."

"Oh yes, he's always in such a rush, but don't you dare asking him why: he has not the slightest idea. Sit down, honey. Have some tea. It relieves pressure around the temples. Milk, sugar?"

"None, thanks."

"Oh I think you need both. Here you go."

"Hm, I see I don't have much of a say around here."

"You can say all that you want but you are a bit blind to what you need honey. If you insist, there's more tea, I can get you a new one."

"It's alright. The milk is good."

"Right. So let us get to business. You want to find yourself, you said?"

"I do."

"When did you lose yourself?"

"I don't know exactly. I think it happened slowly. One morning I woke up and it dawned on me that I had no idea who I was."

"Well, you haven't been around here in a very long time. I assumed, you were roaming around elsewhere, but of course there is another possibility: have you maybe forgotten how to dream?"

"Dream... yes, I know dreaming. But I can't remember ever having dreamed."

"Oh my. Don't you remember this place? You've been here before. You were small. You ran around a lot and bothered everyone you met to build a wooden hut with you."

"I... some of it seems familiar. But it's also so... far away. I can see images, but they are pale and liveless. They might as well be illusions."

"Don't do away with them. Try bringing back the images honey. But for now, rest. I imagine you've had a long journey. The bed is made for you. Maybe that brings back some memories. It is as soft as the last time you slept in it."

"I do feel tired. I will go and sleep. Maybe tomorrow brings clarity."

"Waking up in strange places usually does. Good night."

-

"Master crow! I have dreamed!"

"Good. Yes, very good. What was it about?"

"I saw two dice playing a huge board game. The landscape was majestic: full of hills, endless flowery meadows, ancient forests and artfully constructed huts. Wooden huts."

"What were they playing?"

"I couldn't quite tell. But they threw little humans around and depending on how those landed, they would mark sections of the landscape. It was quite confusing. And the humans bounced in funny ways, as if they didn't have bones."

"I see. It is time for you to visit an old friend. She likes her privacy, so finding her could be a bit hard. But then again, if you are looking for yourself, you don't get around finding some strange birds along the way."

"How do I go about finding her?"

"Follow all that stands on its head. You'll need to pay close attention."

"That's it? And if I get lost?"

"Didn't you say you were lost already?"

"I mean, yes ... in a sense."

"Well then at worst you stay lost for a little longer. Don't be afraid. Just make sure to really look."

-

"Oh queen! Finally! How exhausting this journey was, my whole body is aching! And why does everyone need to stand on their heads? Would make life easier if they just stood up straight. And after a while I figured that they were all showing me the way: parrots, beavers, ants - even that wicked snail. But I could only see it when I too looked at them upside down, so we were looking each other in the eyes. So much blood in my head, I think it must explode soon! Why all this fuzz?"

"You have to figure that out for yourself dear. All I'll say is that looking at the world upside down is quite a helpful perspective."

"Well, at least you seem to live by your words... how does your crown not fall off? Is gravity a joke to you?"

"It knows its proper place and so it stays. Don't complicate things. But now tell me: what brings you here?"

"I'm looking for myself."

"Ahh, haha, the classic. Sure dear. Good thing is you've already spent some time standing on your head, so that makes it all much easier. I can also see that you're full of energy! That's how I like my visitors. A bit torn, a bit lost, but ready to climb the highest mountain. Speaking of which - I don't bother much with metaphors. You need to climb the highest mountain around here. Mount Amrah is its name. It should be in this direction... or that... honestly, I'm not very good with directions. But you'll find it."

"No. This is not enough. I didn't come all the way and take the perspective of a damn upside down snail just for a confused old queen to order me around. 'Climb the highest mountain', I mean - why? What waits for me? And how on Earth am I to find it if any direction is the same to you? Just because I'm searching for myself doesn't mean I'll go along with anything! Give me something concrete, something to work with! I'm tired of running around without a clue of where I'm going!"

"Oh yes dear! Give it to me. That's the fire I was looking for. You are making progress indeed. Walk northeast for two days. You'll pass by several small villages on the first and an immense lake on the second day. Slowly but surely, you will get to higher altitudes. At the end of the second day, you will find yourself at the foot of Mount Amrah. Look for a turqoise turtle carved in stone. There, you start your ascent."

"Alright, I am starting to see a way."

-

"This is the turtle. Here, my ascent starts. O all that I have seen these days. Can it be real? What magnificent landscapes! What strange encounters! What cryptic advice! Must it be so arduous to find myself again? Cannot someone just tell me who I am and where I can be found? Maybe that is what they do. Maybe I am only here because I've started looking again. We never know how much we have left... look closely... stand on your head... o, no need to bother with the past! I am here now and I am ready to go up. Isn't this what I came for? A final ascent! I feel it, I know it: my answers wait at the top.

-

"Yes baby! You got it, some last steps - and welcome to the top of the world! Enjoy the view, take it all in. You've made it!"

"This ... is stunning. Never have I seen so far, never did I expect to overlook such vast lands. And all the lives being lived on the ground, stretching toward and beyond the horizon... I can see."

"Yes baby! You're seeing the world now, it's about time. Here, come, let's take a tour. You were looking for yourself, isn't that right?"

"I was... but who are you? And where? I see it all, but I don't see you. Are you God?"

"I am Nowhere Man. Nowhere to be found baby! Don't overthink it. Just follow my voice and I'll show you around."

"Ok."

"Turn away from the expanses for a moment. Turn around. Walk towards that rock - the sharp one. Look around the corner."

"There is a mirror."

"Look into it."

"I am afraid."

"You are not stupid. But you haven't come all this way to be too afraid to look, have you?"

"Right... I see a baby, crying. It's been left alone."

"Maybe it's just tired. Maybe it's hungry. Maybe it has been abandoned. Can you tell just from the image?"

"I can't. Is it me?"

"It is. Look again."

"I see an old, hunchbacked woman. She's carrying a heavy load. Wood, it seems. Where is she going? Is she building a hut there? Isn't she too old for that?"

"You tell me."

"Oh no! It's a tombstone."

"What's written on it?"

"Sophie. Did she ever start seeing?"

"Did she?"

"I don't understand."

"Give it time."

"But we never know how much time we have left."

"That is true. But we can choose what to make of it. Again, each day."

"I see. A bit."

"You were looking for yourself. What have you found?"

"Perspectives, I guess. And a mirror, but it just shows me images of a person. A person I have been, a person I may still become and a person that will die. Is that all I am? Is that all there is? It cannot be so. These are just images. They're not real."

"You're starting to understand baby. But what is real, then?"