Shark Doe et al. v. Producers of "Baby Shark"

STATE OF OCEANIA

COUNTY OF SELACHIMORPHA

Shark Doe, and all other )

toothed sharks who are )

similarly situated, )

Plaintiff, )

)

v. ) CLASS ACTION COMPLAINT

)

Producers of “Baby Shark”, )

____________________)

NOW COMES the Plaintiff, Shark Doe, on behalf of himself and all other toothed sharks, worldwide, hereby alleging against the Defendants the following:

1. The Representative Plaintiff is an apex predator who inhabits the open ocean.

2. The Representative Plaintiff brings this action by way of a pseudonym due to the scorn and reprobation he may suffer from the absent class members if his true identity is known in the event that his fellow apex predators perceive this action in any way as whining.

3. Plaintiff brings this action on behalf of himself and as a representative of all toothed sharks in all oceans worldwide, including any megalodons who may actually be extant at the time of the filing of this action. Non-toothed sharks are not included in this class action because, frankly, no one should ever be afraid of them and therefore they could not possibly demonstrate any harm to their pitiful reputations.

4. Defendants are the Producers of a certain video (hereinafter “RIDICULOUS VIDEO”), which contains children (hereinafter “MORSELS”) singing and dancing to an inexplicably, insanely “catchy” tune (hereinafter “RIDICULOUS SONG”) that has caused irreparable harm to the Plaintiffs as more fully set forth below.

5. Plaintiffs do not make any allegations herein against any lawyer who might have been involved in the production of RIDICULOUS VIDEO due to professional courtesy.

6. In or about 2016, Producers caused to be made a RIDICULOUS VIDEO entitled “Baby Shark” which shows MORSELS flopping about and singing a nonsensical song with a lot of “doo doo, doo doo doo doo’s” in it.

7. Said RIDICULOUS VIDEO begins with a verse about a baby shark, to which Plaintiffs make no complaint. Baby toothed sharks are not yet aware of their station in life and cannot be expected to know that they are apex predators, with all accoutrements attaining thereto, and therefore Plaintiffs allege no harm done by said initial verse.

8. However, RIDICULOUS VIDEO goes on to portray “Daddy Shark”, “Momma Shark”, “Grandma Shark”, and “Grandpa Shark” in subsequent verses in seriatim as frivolous caricatures of Plaintiff and the absent class members.

9. Said RIDICULOUS VIDEO, in characterizing all sharks as silly, nonsensical characters, has caused harm to Plaintiffs in that it defames the Plaintiffs by falsely representing that they are not apex predators who would prefer to devour the MORSELS in RIDICULOUS VIDEO rather than dance and sing with them.

10. The Defendants’ reckless disregard for the truth, to wit: Plaintiffs’ undeniable status as apex predators, has caused damage to the Plaintiffs in that people worldwide, especially those humans at very impressionable ages now have a false view of the Plaintiffs in that they believe Plaintiffs are all soft, silly, and inane.

11. Defendants’ reckless disregard for the truth will be more fully developed at trial, but preliminarily, Plaintiffs allege the following: that Plaintiffs have evolved over millions of years to become perfect killing machines; that Plaintiffs’ status as apex predators has been the result of countless acts over countless eons to develop themselves physically, mentally, and amorally to become the most feared animal in the ocean (notwithstanding orcas, who may have a colorable claim to that title); that Plaintiffs do not dance, nor sing; that Plaintiffs do not desire to dance, nor sing; and that Plaintiffs actively seek out humans who invade their milieu to dance or sing.

12. Plaintiffs’ damages are extensive and indisputable, evidenced by more than 9 BILLION(!) views of said RIDICULOUS VIDEO.

13. Plaintiffs’ damages include, but are not limited to, being plagued with earworms as a result of aforementioned RIDICULOUS VIDEO which relentlessly torment Plaintiffs.

14. Plaintiffs have suffered shame, embarrassment, and humiliation from the other fishes in the sea, especially from the dolphins and porpoises, who routinely mock the Plaintiffs by singing the RIDICULOUS SONG from the RIDICULOUS VIDEO every time they cross paths with the Plaintiffs. Other species are beginning to pile on, and it needs to stop.

15. Upon information and belief, countless resources were publicly available to Defendants at the time they were making the RIDICULOUS VIDEO which clearly show the falsity of their defamatory portrayal of Plaintiffs. This allegation is made upon information and belief due to Plaintiffs’ inability to access the internet themselves.

16. Wherefore, the Plaintiffs have been harmed and are entitled to relief from this honorable court.

PLAINTIFFS PRAY THE COURT FOR THE FOLLOWING RELIEF:

a. Plaintiffs seek an emergency restraining order requiring the Defendants to remove the RIDICULOUS VIDEO from the internet completely and forevermore;

b. That the court order humans to only sing the RIDICULOUS SONG while in shallow surf in and around heavily populated beaches where Plaintiffs may be lurking;

c. That the MORSELS be restrained from ever singing the aforementioned RIDICULOUS SONG again, in any venue and at any time and for any reason whatsoever;

d. That Defendants be required to pay for and produce a comprehensive public awareness campaign to reaffirm Plaintiffs’ status as ferocious killers who children should fear instead of wanting to cuddle with them;

e. That Defendants be required to pay for therapy for all Plaintiffs to have the earworms removed from their brains;

f. For damages in an amount to be determined by the jury (to be paid in fish, sea lions, and whale carcasses);

g. That all humans involved in any way with the production of the RIDICULOUS VIDEO be required to swim with the Plaintiffs (except for the lawyers, as set forth above); and

h. Any further relief that the Court deems just and proper.

__s/____________________

Nurse, Tiger, and Great White, LLC

Attorneys for Plaintiffs