Daniel's Dilemma

The package was simply addressed to: Daniel.

The only return address was: The Past.

He found it on his doorstep when he took Riley out for his morning pee. It was neatly wrapped in brown paper. The folds were crisp. The tape was cut with straight edges, indicating extra time and care were used. The handwritten printing was all capital letters. Good penmanship.

While staring at the package, wondering who could possibly have sent it, the Seven-Year Demon spoke up and demanded that he open it. “C’mon Daniel, it’s been seven long years. You know you’ve missed me! I had one of your old drinking buddies drop this gift off for you when he was on his way home from a three-day bender early this morning. You remember those, don’t you? I know you do. I have to say that you deserve some credit for these past seven years, but enough is enough. You know as well as I do that sobriety is not all that it’s cracked up to be. You’re still struggling, and gin can help… just like it used to. So, just open the package and get started. I know you desperately want peace, but your way isn’t working. Come back to me. I’m in the box. You’ll find the peace you seek there.”

The Nine-Year Demon chimed in. “Daniel, you know it’s not liquor. What drunk is going to give you an entire bottle of gin in a nicely wrapped package? None. I know what’s in the box. It’s an IED like the ones you used to defuse over there before your dishonorable discharge. You remember how many people you encountered over there swore vengeance on you? I know you do. I know you see them most nights. I know you’ve tried to put all that behind you. I also know how that is working out for you: just as badly as everything else you’ve ever tried to do. You know it’s impossible to ‘move on’ from the shit you walk around with every single day. Just open the box and all your troubles will be vaporized. No more pain. Don’t open it and the misery continues.”

After a pause, Sheila’s voice spoke to him. She had not come forward for a few months, which simultaneously relieved and saddened him. Of course, he missed the sound of her voice, but it also gave him a needed break. His continued obsession that she would return to his life kept him up most nights. This time, her voice was soft. And sincere. “Hi My Love. It’s been far too long. I think I’m ready to try ‘us’ again. Would you be interested? I dropped this package off this morning to give you a little hint of how serious I am this time. I regret all the screaming I’ve done at you since I left. I guess I was just scared that you wouldn’t love me anymore and I was lashing out. But, one of the other guys trapped in here was raging because he said you’ve quit drinking, which made me think you deserved another chance. So, over the past few months, I’ve done some more thinking and I went and bought what you’ll find in this box. When you see it, you won’t need any explanation. I’ve also included my new contact information in the box. Once you’ve opened it, give me a call. I look forward to you holding me again. I love you. I always have.”

He stared at the package for a while, not moving a muscle. Could it really be from Sheila? Or was it the IED or the demon liquor? Frustrated, he got up from the table. He needed to think, so he decided to go for a walk.

When he returned from the walk, the package was still sitting on the table. He tried to ignore it, but it seemed to beckon him. He walked over and stood looking at it.

“C’mon Daniel, you know Sheila didn’t send it. She ran off with your best friend. Even if things didn’t work out for them, you can never trust her again. Forget her! Just one sip will make things all better for you. Just one…”

“Daniel, don’t listen to him. You know the drinking was the reason I left you. So what if it was Jason I left with? He just happened to be available, and I wanted to get away. That’s over now and I want to come back to you. Open the package and see what I bought. I know as soon as you see it, you’ll want to see it on me.”

“Hey Daniel, don’t open the package. You know how smart those Afghanis are. They’re messing with your head. Don’t open the package, Dude!”

He screamed and moved away from the table. He wanted to open the package, but he was terrified to. He decided to take a shower.

In the shower, the voices continued the argument. They were relentless. He found himself waffling back and forth about the package. He knew he shouldn’t open it if it was liquor. He’d done so well. And if it was really an IED, he absolutely should not open it. But, did Sheila really want to come back? That is what he’s wanted ever since she left, and enough time has passed for him to forgive and forget.

After the shower, he avoided the kitchen. He didn’t want to see the package. He went outside and sat on the porch. The voices, however, had other plans.

“She’s a whore, Daniel. She’s playing you. Whatever she might’ve put in a package is just a ticket to more misery. But, she didn’t send it. I did. And I did it to help you. You remember how I used to help you get through every day. I can do that again. Just open the package. You’ll be glad you did. Trust me.”

“Don’t listen to him, Daniel. You know how special we were. We can be that again. I want that again. I’m hoping you do, too. All you have to do is open the package and we can begin again. Please, darling.”

“Hey Daniel, BOOM!”

When Daniel went to bed that night, he left the package on the dining room table, unopened.

In the wee hours of the morning, Daniel entered the dining room. One of his many diagnoses was somnambulation.

He picked up the package and went to the front door. He opened the door and laid the package on the doorstep. He closed the door and went back to bed. Yet again.