Shapes in the Dark

It was a little after 11 PM in the early spring. It was a cold night as winter hadn't quite given up yet. As such it was very dark with the moon rarely peaking through the clouds. My partner had already gone to bed and I was doing my usual evening routine of cleaning up the kitchen and living room. I had started to wash some dishes as I waiting for the tea to whistle and just aimlessly looked out our kitchen window. That's when I first saw it. I didn't know then what I know now, not that it would have changed anything. Not all knowledge is helpful.

It was just a shape in a tree. A silhouette of some small leaping thing. My first thought was it was a squirrel and that should have been the end of it. It was supposed to be the end of it but there was something not right about it. The shape wasn't in the tree it was in front of it. A leaping shape with a tale easily longer than the whole body. Thin legs and arms that looked sort of like a monkey but the whole thing was smaller than a songbird. The problem wasn't what it looked like but rather where it was. It couldn't be where it was. It was just subtly wrong. It was pretending to be normal to blend in. Even though now it borrows into my head like a worm its motivations are still completely alien to me.

From that point on the insidiousness just grew. The next evening I saw it again in the same tree. It just hung there slightly closer than last night though it faced me this time. I saw slightly glimmering eyes which made no sense if you know how silhouettes work which it didn't. I don't know why that protective part of my brain stopped working. You develop it as an adult to rationalize everything and ignore what it can't. Maybe that's why it was pretending? To get around my natural defenses and find its prey? I don't know. There's a lot I don't remember now. So I don't know if I ever knew. I suppose it doesn't matter it probably never mattered.

I think it was the next day. Maybe it was the same? I remember filling up the tea picture after the timer went off. Was it the same tea? I can't remember. I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I should delete this but I can't bear to. I don't know why but deleting my train of thought scares me for some reason. Like it's important to remember how I used to think. Such an odd thing to be protective of. Seems silly I should delete it. It'd be safer. I saw it again later. It was in my reflection just over my shoulder. It was supposed to be a trick of the light. I remember that. That's how my brain was supposed to keep me safe but I knew the truth. Why did I know the truth? I can't remember.

I saw it for the last time in my eyes. They are black, empty, and shapeless voids, so pretty. They used to be mine. I used to be behind them I think. It's fine I don't think it mattered. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. This was supposed to happen. I'm tired now. I think I'll call it a night. It's warm in here now and I'm full.