Running With Wolves

As I trudged heavily through the snow, dutifully following this miracle wolf, my mind wandered. My steps were mere reflex, an old habit long learned. It was like the conscious part of me had switched off and my body was just going through the motions; except that my brain was managing to recall my entire life and play it for me like my own personal movie. Dispersed between the feature program were random ad breaks of haphazard cerebrations and meaningless drivel that, at other times, I would have called “shower thoughts.” Then, on top of all of that, I found myself pondering the meaning of life; that age-old question that we spend our entire time on this Earth trying to answer. Here we were, possibly at the end of the world, and what had I really achieved? What would be the mark that I left on society? Would it be a symbol of art – a thing of beauty that would be admired – or merely a stain, an ugly demonstration of my failures to be mocked and spat upon? My brain kept going like this, on and on until it eventually circled back to the wolf. Again, the word “angel” confronted me. I shook my head. It was impossible, yet as if it could hear me, the wolf stopped and faced me.

“We protect.”

The words were a silent, internal whisper, crashing through my skull with such force and power that it stole my breath.

“We protect all. We watch, we see, we hear, we fight. We protect all.”

“You’re talking to me?” I queried of the wolf.

“Indeed.”

I couldn’t help it. Laughter bubbled up from my belly and came bursting from my lips. I laughed until my sides ached.

“I’ve gone mad!” I shouted in a manic glee. My knees buckled and I dropped down into the snow. It didn’t feel as cold as it should have. In fact, I didn’t feel as cold as I should have. This epiphany brought forth more shrieks of laugher. “Lock me up! I’ve lost it!”

The wolf sat on its haunches watching my spectacular performance. “You are sane still, Reuben, brother of Rowen. We protect.”

The laughter died. Could I really be imagining all of this? “Are you trying to tell me that you are keeping me warm?”

“It is my duty to protect.”

“What does that even mean? Protect what? Me? Humanity?”

“All.”

I sighed heavily. “Right, okay. Whatever. How am I even supposed to know this is real? How do I know I haven’t gone crazy? Maybe my brain is making me hallucinate as a coping mechanism. How would I even know?”

“Faith.”

I was taken aback. That certainly sounded like something an angel would say. “What are you?”

“I am here to protect.”

“You already said that.” I decided to ask more directly. “Are you an Angel?”

“Do you believe?”

This was getting annoying. It appeared I wasn’t going to be given any answers.

“You will.”

Now that was just too uncanny. The wolf had answered my unspoken question. “Can… can you read my mind?”

“We hear.”

I rolled my eyes. Why did everything have to be so cryptic? “Whatever,” I repeated, in no way bothered to argue. “Do you at least have a name?”

“You may call me, Zayrand.”

“Zayrand. Mind if I shorten it to Zay? Quicker and easier.”

“If that is your desire.”

He – for the telepathic voice was most certainly male – spoke eloquently for a wolf, or, more so than how I thought a wolf would speak; if wolves could speak at all, which they can’t. Oh well. I threw up my hands in surrender. If I was mad, so be it.

“In that case, nice to meet you, Zay,” I managed to get out between more peals of laughter. It was just all too absurd.

“We must continue. There is far to go yet. Come, Reuben, brother of Rowen.”

I guess that signaled the end of the conversation. He rose onto four legs, turned and began to walk, leaving me no choice but to follow.

Each night I would make camp and Zay would wander off to hunt. I don’t know how he managed but he always came back with something. We would share the meal then I would huddle into my sleeping bag, Zay curled up beside me as the tears came. They always did now. Every night when there was nothing to do except think, I would remember Seth and my parents. I knew it was foolish to cry. It wasn’t going to change anything. Besides, there was the saying, “men don’t cry,” to remember. Not that I had ever put much stock into that saying. Nevertheless, I still felt as though I should be stronger, if not for myself, then for Rowen. Despite being twins, I had always felt like the protective older brother. It was my duty to keep Rowen safe and I had failed. I should never have moved away. I should have been content to stay in Halifax like Rowen had.

“You would have perished.” Zay’s voice came softly, winding between my own thoughts.

“Maybe not,” I defended against Zay’s intrusion. “Maybe I could have got my family out, kept them safe and alive.”

“The past is long gone. There is only now. Now leads to the future and that is where you must go.”

I got what he was saying, although I didn’t have to like it. “I wish I had a TARDIS,” I grumbled, not even joking.

Picturing that blue police box only made me think of Rowen more. Doctor Who had been one of our favourite shows and we always watched it together. Even if we were not physically together at the time, we would watch while on the phone to each other.

“Zay?”

“Yes?”

“Where are we?”

“Tomorrow we will cross the river.”

“Which river? The Ottowa River?”

“Yes.”

The news shocked me. We could not have been walking long enough to make it back there, surely. “Where was I when you found me?”

“A long way from home.”

“I know, but was I travelling in the right direction?”

“You were following the North Star.”

I took that to mean I had been heading north, and a different kind of ice chilled my veins. I had been going the wrong way. The possibilities of what could have happened if Zay had not found me... I shuddered. Putting it aside, I asked what I probably should have asked to begin with. “Where are we going?”

“Much further.”

“I don’t know that I can go on much longer. I’m so tired. My legs feel numb with exhaustion.”

Guilt flowed through me as I spoke. Guilt and remorse. Fight, you weak piece of shit! Rowen needs you and you want to give up? Unacceptable! I continued to berate myself until Zay’s gentle voice stopped me.

“Rest, Reuben, brother of Rowen. Sleep. I will protect.”

I did sleep, tears still trickling from my eyes, but I slept the whole night through until Zay was nudging me awake. The sun was only just rising. Groggily, I managed to pack the tent away and pull my pack onto my back. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and I immediately toppled to the ground. I could not have walked another step if my life depended on it. No amount of self-deprecation, pep talks, or the like, could get me up. Right there in the snow, my body folded itself into the foetal position and my eyes closed. I trembled all over and lost consciousness. I don’t know if I passed out or fell asleep. It may have been a bit of both. Either way, when my eyes were finally able to open again, something didn’t feel right. For one thing, it was dark, and I was moving. How was I moving? Am I in danger?

Suddenly wide awake and panic stricken, I called out, “Zay?” The moving sensation stopped.

“You have awakened.”

“How long was I out?”

“It draws near to the second sun.”

“I slept all day?!”

“Indeed. And most of the night.”

“And you dragged me along this whole time?”

“We must not delay.”

I was touched. There was just one thing I didn’t understand. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“God heard your pain. You needed help. I came.”

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