Resonating Thoughts

“Sanity” a word defined by pretty much any dictionary as “the ability to thin k and behave in a normal manner. “, yet as I stood in line while a number of guards pulled out a man two spaces in front of me and began to beat him to down; I wondered if the form of the word sane would best suit my now normal reality. I like to think that life ceased to exist after the new virus had introduced itself; pretty much every country fell into turmoil and when it was our turn to fall, the government rose before the rioters could and took desperate actions. Money became nothing more than a reminder of the past and once law-abiding citizens had become nothing more than petty thugs ready to steal if need be. There were no more laws, no morals, or no ethics, just people with guns enforcing their idea of order and if opposed were ready to serve “Justice”.

Just like now, no one flinched except a woman as the man’s body was dragged away. I assumed it was his’s wife, yet it didn't matter how hard she cried because she met the same fate and the tears stopped. I didn’t try to justify it in my head, so that it could make sense to me, nor would I have time to let it. This incident just meant we all moved one step closer to our weekly rations. The only thing worrisome to me was a girl named Lexi, since her place in line was numerically behind me.

Lexi and I had met here in line when they started making us line up for our rations, yet we did not become friends until a conversation about her heart-shaped locket arose. She always reminded me of her “hot-shot” boyfriend by showing off his picture in the locket. I could without a doubt say she cherished that picture more than she cherished her weekly rations. She would vent to me as a friend would another so I kept whatever feelings I had for her at that level, never to conflict our already conflicted lives. Now I’d be lying if I said the pain in her voice didn’t bother me every time his name rolled off her tongue. It wasn't long till his name became less and less of a problem and I soon feared her way of thinking more.

“I’ll get that guard that took him away from me. Mark my words.” She roared as if pledging an oath to whomever could hear her behind her mask.

At times like that when she would make promises to herself, I’d think about my family and how I was just like her when they were taken from me. I would remembered hiding like a coward as I looked on, but one by one my mother, father, older sister and little brother were blindfolded and taken before my very eyes. The next memory started just as the previous one ended of us attending Sunday mass. As a family we would attend church like clockwork, where we would listen to the Father talk about being thankful for the little things, which I never really understood considering he had a nice Jaguar parked in the “Pastor parking only” slot. Afterwards, we would come back home, and my grandpa would set up his vintage radio on the coffee table and take a seat on his chair next to it. My grandpa loved to listen to the “hot anchor lady” as he put it, while he drifted into his afternoon nap.

“The little things.” I replayed the pastor’s words over in my head as I drifted in and out of thought. The memory would become fuzzy every so often to me, but I’d always remember the Anchor lady’s words on the radio They were clear as day to me as if they were embedded in my memory, and I’d read them to myself as if I was preparing for a speech.

“Another round up for those unvaccinated”, she addressed the nation as she would read off of her off-screen cards. “Be sure to have your vaccination card on you at all times or you will be escorted for questioning”, followed her previous remark.

I must have noticed unconsciously that it was my turn next in line, but I wasn’t ready to move. Not until I was sure Lexie had come to claim her spot just in time before I went up. Yet I was in thought for so long maybe she was in line already behind me and I had not noticed. Either way, what choice did I have, but to move. I’d rather not be sited for obstruction and snatched away to never be seen again. What would Lexie think? Would she forget me?

“Hey, move it or lose it.” A man, who stood to close for comfort behind me, screeched into my ear.

Now the anxiety I once waiting on Lexie that sent shivers up my spine had now become sweat lingering on my palms. I whipped them off on my tattered blue jeans and reached my hands out for my weekly allowance. As I walked away from the table with my rations in hand, I could see two guards walking towards me in the opposite direction. One of them had said excuse me but still proceeded to bump into me. His size versus my stature was like a linebacker running into the water boy so of course I ended up on my butt. The other one grabbed his holster just to reassure himself that he had not become a victim of pickpocketing. As I looked up, I don’t recall what urged me to dart my gaze to the guards' hands, but when I did, I saw the guard who had bumped me hold something in his hand, a heart-shaped locket.

“I sure hope it wasn’t Lexi’s” I pondered as I dusted myself off and picked up my things.