Rainy Day Mary

Family Group Text Chain

Mom: I don’t want this summer to be like last summer. We didn’t have a single BBQ. We are going to have one BBQ per month. Mandatory. No excuses. Here is the summer BBQ schedule:

April 13th

May 18th

June 21st

July 13th

August 11th

September 10th

During the even months boys are in charge of soda and dessert and girls are in charge of salads and chips. Dad and I will provide the grilling meat. Don’t forget that Wendell is trying that vegan thing and Elvira is allergic to nuts. Oh, and we are getting a family photo!

Greg: It’s on the books.

Dina: Starting at 6pm?

Jeremy: Who are you people?

Mom: Haha, Jer. Yes, 6pm.

Greg: I can smoke some ribs.

Jeremy: Don’t get Pepsi.

Daria: What time?

Mom: Google, find recipe for prism jelly.

April 13th

It rained that day. A decent downpour that started at 6am and lasted through the night and into half the next day.

“It’s okay,” Mary said, “it will be cramped, but we can eat inside.”

They ate elbow to elbow and fork to fork, 11 adults, 4 teenagers, 7 children, 1 grandchild, and 3 chihuahuas. Mary could barely get out of her chair to speak to more than one of her kids.

“We are going to take off,” one of her kids told her.

“We haven’t even had dessert yet,” she said.

“The storm is getting pretty bad and we want to get the kids home before it gets dark. Good meatloaf, mom.”

“I know. Be safe. Thank you. Family photo next month!”

May 18th

The day started out nice and the family was able to get set up in the backyard. The forecast was for sunny skies.

But right above the house a cloud began to stir and it grew and it gathered and it got really dark. Right as the family finished the dinner prayer and picked up their forks.

BOOM!

Water poured in barrels of buckets. The drops were thick and struck like bullets.

“Ouch.”

“Oww!”

“It’s a hailstorm, get inside!”

The hail pelted the table and destroyed the meal as the family watched helpless from inside. They couldn’t even salvage the cake. The entire storm was over within 30 seconds.

They ate at an all-night diner at a nearby truck stop.

“We’ll get a picture next month.”

June 21st

Family Group Text Chain

Mom: Moving the BBQ to the 23rd. Forecast calls for rain on the 21st and 22nd.

June 23rd

Mom: Sorry to cancel last minute. Dad fell off roof. Again.

Dina: OMgs is he okay?

~20 minutes later~

Greg: Does someone need to go check on mom?

Daria: Dad is fine. He fell in the flowerbed and needed stitches.

Jeremy: Has dad consider not falling off the roof?

Mom: He’s fine, black eye and stitches. Slipped on a wet spot from last night’s rain.

Mom: See you next month.

July 13th

Jeremy to Mom: Don’t be mad. I can’t make it to the BBQ. I have a deadline at work I can’t miss. I promise I’ll be there next and I’ll make it up in the meantime.

Dina to Mom: Calypso came home with headlice. We’ll be in quarantine for the next 48 hours.

Greg to Mom: Didn’t we just have the BBQ? I thought it was just last week.

Daria to Mom: Still at 6pm, right? Do you need me to pick anything up on my way?

The rain started at 6pm.

August 11th

A day finally arrived that was cloud free and sunny. Everyone was ready and available. Burgers were packed and ready to grill. Today was going to be Mary’s day.

The family would be arriving in just a couple hours and she was busying herself fixing up charcuterie trays when her telephone rang.

“Ring Ring Ring-a-ding-ding.”

“Hello? What do you mean, ‘look outside’? I know it isn’t raining, I was just out there setting things up.”

“Mom, look outside the window. It’s raining weasels and frogs.”

Mary looked outside to saw a fat green blob fall to the ground, bounce a couple times, and then settle. It waddled in a circle and stared at her with its bulgy little eyes. Not three seconds later a brown furry noodle of a weasel landed on the ground next to the frog with a little springy plop.

Then the weasels and frogs began to drop harder and faster until her entire yard was jumping and croaking with hopping frogs and scurrying weasels. A frog landed with a splat against the window.

“No, no… call your siblings. We’ll cancel the BBQ. We can’t go out in this.”

September 10th

The backyard was set up. The burgers were grilling. The family was arriving with coolers and ceramic dishes of food.

It was a beautiful day.

Mary walked into the backyard to greet her family. Before she could take the final step down to the patio a cloud formed over Mary’s head. It was the size of Kentucky derby hat and it was marbled in gray and white cotton candy.

The cloud began to drizzle. It followed Mary, and only Mary, everywhere she went. It rained on her food and it rained on her clothes and it rained on her parade while her family stayed happy and dry.

“Picture time,” Greg said, having set up the camera with a timer.

“I can’t have a picture. It’s raining on me,” Mary said.

“Come on, Mom. It’s our last chance before the kids go back to school. So what if its raining on you a little?”

“Yeah mom, it’s just a little rain. A family photo at a BBQ has been all you’ve wanted all summer long.”

Mary agreed to be front and center of the picture. Her raincloud prominently displaying shards of lightning. She smiled with her teeth.

Family Group Text Chain

Mom: Greg, when will the pictures be ready?

Greg: Okay, remember when I told you the camera was brand new?

Mom: Greg, no.

Greg: Apparently I set the timer for 10 minutes, not 10 seconds.

Greg: Would you be interested in a couple dozen photos of the inside of my camera bag?