Purple Hyacinths

On the day you left, I dreamt— dreamt of a world, another reality, of which the sky had never lost its blue, the birds had never stopped chirping, the smell of the fresh breeze still wafted through the air and the sun had never laid itself to rest.

Upon looking further into the distance, I saw your silhouette, standing in an ocean of flowers, more specifically purple hyacinths, brimming under the bright Sun.

My eyes widened.

I, who has long tried to abandoned these feelings was hit to the point of tears.

The tears forming in the eyes of a person like me is something so inconceivable, like a rose blooming in the dry soil of a desert.

Without a second thought, my legs moved and I ran. I ran towards you with all my might. My legs felt weak, it felt like I could crumble at any given moment, but seeing you, right in front of my eyes, alive, made me forget all that, and I ran for my life.

I wanted to grab a hold of you, hug you tightly in my arms, tell you I was sorry for everything and promise you things I wish I had done. If you were to see the desperation on my face I know you'd laugh, but I didn't care, I'd do anything to see your smiling face once more.

However, just as I was about to embrace the body of the person, you, I so long for, did it disintegrate into nothing but flower petals— purple hyacinth flower petals.

The sky then darkened and the birds stopped chirping. There, I stood in the vast ocean of wilted purple hyacinths. An all too familiar feeling, a feeling of lost, once more engulfed this tired soul of mine.

I raised my head towards the now grey sky—and I let out a chuckle. The small chuckle soon grew into an eruption of laughter, an unerving one with tears streaming down my face.

How foolish of me.

It's impossible for I, God's most hated to have been given peace even in the supposed privacy of my own dreams.

I wanted to curse God, for bestowing such a cruel fate onto me, onto you. Words, curses and such were trying to escape my throat.

Just as the world was about to hear and feel my pain, my sorrows—

I woke up.

A streak of light shining through my curtains was the inhibitor of the world feeling the wrath of a man who had just lost his everything, his beloved.

I had woken up from one cruel reality to an even crueler one.

Feeling a little disoriented, I sat up and placed my head onto my forehead, calming myself down. I felt heavy, as I was weighed down by the puffiness of my eyes and the aching of my body.

A sigh left my lips as I peered out the curtained covered window which revealed a world, one that has moved on without you.

For now while time still feels frozen, I'll just keep on telling myself,

"I'm okay".

*Purple hyacinth signify constancy, regret and sincerity.