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Predatory

A Flash Fiction

By D.K. ShepardPublished 9 months ago 2 min read
Runner-Up in 500 Word Shockwave Challenge
Predatory
Photo by Ricardo Prosperi on Unsplash

You’ve dyed your hair. Did you think that would work? That it would somehow make you unrecognizable? And the glasses? There’s no mistaking the pop of your green irises. You’re not good at hiding. But I am.

You’ll never notice me sitting here, a few rows behind you on the evening train out of the city. I’m completely imperceptible.

Oh, but wait. You look over your shoulder for a moment. It’s the quickest of glances, but I see the panic. Maybe you have sensed my presence and I’ve underestimated you.

When the train reaches the end of the line I let the other passengers trickle out first. I’m patient.

We do the same old dance. You double back toward the station, making quick unexpected turns. Well, you think they’re unexpected. But I know the routine. Always one of three routes that all end in the same place.

I watch you walk through your front door. I imagine you sighing in relief as you bolt the lock behind you. Then I make my way to the vacant house on the corner. The master bedroom window of the two story colonial has perfect sight lines into your living room.

Through the binoculars I can see your profile as you sit on the sofa. You’ve turned the fireplace on even though it’s been a warm spring day. Is it to keep the dark memories away?

You thought moving to a new state where no one knew you would be enough. You were wrong.

I catch a hint of movement. You’re not alone. It’s him. A surge of anger courses through my veins. What you ever saw in him, I’ll never understand. It makes me question your judgment.

But I was prepared for this. Actually, I’ve been eagerly awaiting this moment. I set down the binoculars and pick up the rifle. I locate your head in the scope. I watch as he comes up behind you and puts his hands on your shoulders. He leans his head down next to yours. I’m sure he’s whispering some nonsense in your ear.

My finger is dancing at the trigger, but I wait. Remember, I’m patient. He straightens and I tilt the rifle until the lines are a bullseye on his temple. In the measure of a heartbeat, he’ll be out of the picture permanently.

Just as his hands move to your throat I squeeze the trigger. Glass shatters. His body falls out of sight. You’re screaming and clawing at the blood that’s splattered on your face.

I pick up my phone and click on your name while the undercover cops parked down the street bolt out of their vehicles toward your door.

Your voice rings in my ears, “Agent Driscoll? He’s here! He found me!”

“I know, Mia, I got him,” I say calmly. “You’re safe now.”

I hang up and exit the house to join the officers. One of them tips his hat toward me. "A clean kill. That sure was some sharp shooting, ma'am."

thriller

About the Creator

D.K. Shepard

Character Crafter, Witty Banter Enthusiast, World Builder, Unpublished novelist...for now

Fantasy is where I thrive, but I like to experiment with genres for my short stories. Currently employed as a teacher in Louisville.

dkshepard.com

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (28)

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  • JBaz8 months ago

    I can't believe I missed this one... so damn good. You fooled me right to the very end.

  • L.C. Schäfer9 months ago

    Good grief! 😮 Kind of satisfying though, the head shot. Well done on placing 😁

  • TheSpinstress 9 months ago

    Whoo, I loved this! Great twist!

  • Shirley Belk9 months ago

    I didn't see that surprise twist. Well done and congratulations!

  • Susan Payton9 months ago

    Excellent DK - Lots of tension and I had no idea where is was going. Well deserved win, Nicely Done!!!

  • Well deserved placing in the challenge… lots of tension and excellent twist! My heart is racing 😳.

  • Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Lamar Wiggins9 months ago

    Excellent!!!!! You had me engaged the whole time. Loved the narrator's voice, and the twist was perfect!!! Congrats, D.K.

  • Lana V Lynx9 months ago

    Wow, what a story, DK! Congratulations on the runner-up win in the challenge, totally deserved.

  • Sean A.9 months ago

    Congratulations!!! Well deserved!!!

  • Alyssa Musso9 months ago

    Back to say congratulations on the runner-up win! 🎉

  • John Cox9 months ago

    Oh DK, this story is awesome. You absolutely got me with that fabulous twist! And congrats on placing in the challenge! Richly deserved!

  • Andrea Corwin 9 months ago

    DAMN, and BAM! A total surprise - I was shivering with stalker vibes, thinking, oh this is such great writing, it had me, I was nervous! and then the ending. Fabulous work! Congrats on the Leaderboard! 🎉🎉🎉

  • Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Test9 months ago

    Oh my g....... where to even begin to unpack this?! So tense, it had me at the edge of my seat! It felt like an unreliable narrator at first then the perspective shifted a little and I was completely shocked!! I loved this!!! So great DK!! Oh, and congrats on honourable mention this week!

  • Gregory Payton9 months ago

    Loved your story. Great job. Well Done!!

  • Alyssa Musso9 months ago

    Great twist at the end, D.K.! I love how you used the second person to give the story more of an ominous feel and it definitely threw me off!

  • Katarzyna Popiel9 months ago

    I loved the plot twist!

  • Silver Daux9 months ago

    You're so amazing at this kind of writing, I'd buy a book of it, honestly. The twists are never what I expect and you're a master of tension. Loved this!

  • Oh, what a great plot twist! Hoping to see this on the list of winning entries next week!

  • C. Rommial Butler9 months ago

    Well-wrought! A great mix of intrigue and narrative ambiguity to set up the twist! M. Night Shyamalan oculdn't have done better!

  • Oh wow, the stalker wasn't a stalker after all hahahaha. That was a brilliant twist! Loved your story+

  • Sean A.9 months ago

    Great job! It really felt like you had led us down the only path, with the watcher being the killer, but the twist worked perfectly

  • Caroline Craven9 months ago

    Wow. You nailed it. That was a hell of a twist at the end. Brill.

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