Predatory
A Flash Fiction
You’ve dyed your hair. Did you think that would work? That it would somehow make you unrecognizable? And the glasses? There’s no mistaking the pop of your green irises. You’re not good at hiding. But I am.
You’ll never notice me sitting here, a few rows behind you on the evening train out of the city. I’m completely imperceptible.
Oh, but wait. You look over your shoulder for a moment. It’s the quickest of glances, but I see the panic. Maybe you have sensed my presence and I’ve underestimated you.
When the train reaches the end of the line I let the other passengers trickle out first. I’m patient.
We do the same old dance. You double back toward the station, making quick unexpected turns. Well, you think they’re unexpected. But I know the routine. Always one of three routes that all end in the same place.
I watch you walk through your front door. I imagine you sighing in relief as you bolt the lock behind you. Then I make my way to the vacant house on the corner. The master bedroom window of the two story colonial has perfect sight lines into your living room.
Through the binoculars I can see your profile as you sit on the sofa. You’ve turned the fireplace on even though it’s been a warm spring day. Is it to keep the dark memories away?
You thought moving to a new state where no one knew you would be enough. You were wrong.
I catch a hint of movement. You’re not alone. It’s him. A surge of anger courses through my veins. What you ever saw in him, I’ll never understand. It makes me question your judgment.
But I was prepared for this. Actually, I’ve been eagerly awaiting this moment. I set down the binoculars and pick up the rifle. I locate your head in the scope. I watch as he comes up behind you and puts his hands on your shoulders. He leans his head down next to yours. I’m sure he’s whispering some nonsense in your ear.
My finger is dancing at the trigger, but I wait. Remember, I’m patient. He straightens and I tilt the rifle until the lines are a bullseye on his temple. In the measure of a heartbeat, he’ll be out of the picture permanently.
Just as his hands move to your throat I squeeze the trigger. Glass shatters. His body falls out of sight. You’re screaming and clawing at the blood that’s splattered on your face.
I pick up my phone and click on your name while the undercover cops parked down the street bolt out of their vehicles toward your door.
Your voice rings in my ears, “Agent Driscoll? He’s here! He found me!”
“I know, Mia, I got him,” I say calmly. “You’re safe now.”
I hang up and exit the house to join the officers. One of them tips his hat toward me. "A clean kill. That sure was some sharp shooting, ma'am."
About the Creator
D.K. Shepard
Character Crafter, Witty Banter Enthusiast, World Builder, Unpublished novelist...for now
Fantasy is where I thrive, but I like to experiment with genres for my short stories. Currently employed as a teacher in Louisville.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Comments (28)
I can't believe I missed this one... so damn good. You fooled me right to the very end.
Good grief! 😮 Kind of satisfying though, the head shot. Well done on placing 😁
Whoo, I loved this! Great twist!
I didn't see that surprise twist. Well done and congratulations!
Excellent DK - Lots of tension and I had no idea where is was going. Well deserved win, Nicely Done!!!
Well deserved placing in the challenge… lots of tension and excellent twist! My heart is racing 😳.
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Excellent!!!!! You had me engaged the whole time. Loved the narrator's voice, and the twist was perfect!!! Congrats, D.K.
Big week for you DK!! Congrats on a Runner-Up placement in the shockwave challenge!!! 🎉
Wow, what a story, DK! Congratulations on the runner-up win in the challenge, totally deserved.
Congratulations!!! Well deserved!!!
Back to say congratulations on the runner-up win! 🎉
Oh DK, this story is awesome. You absolutely got me with that fabulous twist! And congrats on placing in the challenge! Richly deserved!
DAMN, and BAM! A total surprise - I was shivering with stalker vibes, thinking, oh this is such great writing, it had me, I was nervous! and then the ending. Fabulous work! Congrats on the Leaderboard! 🎉🎉🎉
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Oh my g....... where to even begin to unpack this?! So tense, it had me at the edge of my seat! It felt like an unreliable narrator at first then the perspective shifted a little and I was completely shocked!! I loved this!!! So great DK!! Oh, and congrats on honourable mention this week!
Loved your story. Great job. Well Done!!
Great twist at the end, D.K.! I love how you used the second person to give the story more of an ominous feel and it definitely threw me off!
I loved the plot twist!
You're so amazing at this kind of writing, I'd buy a book of it, honestly. The twists are never what I expect and you're a master of tension. Loved this!
Oh, what a great plot twist! Hoping to see this on the list of winning entries next week!
Well-wrought! A great mix of intrigue and narrative ambiguity to set up the twist! M. Night Shyamalan oculdn't have done better!
Oh wow, the stalker wasn't a stalker after all hahahaha. That was a brilliant twist! Loved your story+
Great job! It really felt like you had led us down the only path, with the watcher being the killer, but the twist worked perfectly
Wow. You nailed it. That was a hell of a twist at the end. Brill.