Pink Roses by Salty Vixen

Susanna reached for the doorknob just as the phone began ringing. She paused momentarily, gazed at the phone on the kitchen counter, and quickly glanced at her gold and leather watch. No, she thought, there was no time to bother with the phone. If it was important, whoever it was would leave a message. She rarely received phone calls from anyone but telemarketers anyway. Susanna was already a few minutes behind her morning schedule, but perhaps she could make up the time en route to work. She breezed through the door and briskly walked down the corridor to the elevator.

Another day was beginning.

When the elevator doors opened, she stepped inside and groaned to herself when she saw who was waiting inside. Peter always seemed to be at the same place as she was and it was becoming rather aggravating. She knew his type. They always looked perfect even when wearing grubby clothes. He believed he was God’s gift to women; that was for certain! He was beyond confident; he was arrogant and cocky. She’d tried to have a civilized conversation with him when he moved into her apartment complex, but his conversational repertoire seemed to consist of sports and cars. Ugh!

As Susanna cast a furtive look Peter’s way, she realized he’d been boldly raking his eyes up and down her body. When he caught her eye, his lips turned up in a devilish grin.

“Well, good morning, beautiful! How are you doing on this sunny day? It looks as if we’re finally going to have a dry spell. I’m certainly looking forward to being able to stretch my legs and go for a run this evening. Do you exercise? Not that you need it, I mean. But, I was, uh, just thinking you might be interested in, er, going for a run with me. I could give you some pointers and ensure you use proper form and don’t injure yourself.”

Peter inwardly couldn’t believe the words that insisted on spouting out of his lips whenever he found himself alone with Susanna. Were those words actually coming from his lips? Unbelievable!

No wonder Susanna wouldn’t give him the time of day. She was certainly a beautiful woman. Her sleek sable hair barely brushed her shoulders and swayed back and forth when she walked. Her petite and curvy form would certainly bring out the protective instincts in any strong man. The top of Susanna’s head barely reached his shoulder and Peter was certain he could pick her up and swing her over his shoulder with little effort.

Susanna tugged the hem of her short black suit jacket and smoothed her hands over her hips. Her suit was new and she thought it was perhaps a bit too snug to be professional. The fabric clung to her body, which she thought was a bit too voluptuous. She was constantly trying to lose those same ten pounds.

After an interminable amount of time, Susanna turned to Peter

“Although I appreciate your offer – I think – I will undoubtedly be working late this evening. So, I’ll have to pass on your generous offer to provide training pointers to me.”

As the elevator doors effortlessly glided open, Susanna strode out.

“See you later,” she called breezily.

Peter was left standing in the elevator shaking his head.

Susanna breathed a sigh of relief that she’d been able to escape so easily this morning. She walked out of building towards her two-year old Saturn parked under the carport. The building on the right was low and rambling with a large fenced-in yard. She could hear the excited chatter of small children as they arrived for their day at “school”. One of the perks of this apartment complex was the on-site day care center. Although Susanna had no children and no prospects in sight, many of the tenants exclaimed their praise of the facility.

As she reached her car, Susanna’s thoughts turned to the coming workday. She was a business consultant for a medium-sized private company. She’d been working with them for nearly five years and had been promoted quickly through the ranks. She started as a business associate and was now a principal analyst.

The consulting scene appealed to her because she was continuously challenged with each new client’s issues and she was able to combine her managerial acumen with her strong accounting background. The company was stable and the top executives actually cared about all the employees. Susanna looked forward to going to work every day and often worked very long hours simply because she got so involved that she lost track of time.

As she sped down the street, Susanna glanced at the clock. She quickly calculated that she’d have just enough time to stop by the office to check in and still arrive at her client’s facility before 7:30. She liked to get to work early and use the quiet time before the normal workday mania began.

Susanna smiled wryly as she thought that was at least one thing she had in common with her mother. They were both morning people and enjoyed getting busy before most others. Susanna recalled her mother getting up at the crack of dawn to go for a morning walk every morning when Susanna was young. Then, she’d come home and be working in the garden before the other kids’ mothers were drinking their first cup of coffee.

At the time, Susanna thought her mom was the craziest mother in the neighborhood. While the other mothers would take turns visiting each other and chatting over coffee, hers was sewing new drapes for the living room or wallpapering the bathroom. In fact, Susanna couldn’t remember her mom ever going to another woman’s home for coffee or having friends over at their house. She always used to say that Dad was the only company she ever needed.

Susanna scowled at the slow car in front of her and muttered under her breath. She resisted the urge to honk the horn and took a couple of deep breaths instead. She was going to have to change her morning schedule and go directly to the client’s office. She hated altering her routine when she’d set her mind to something. It always felt vaguely like a failure; she couldn’t even control her own schedule. She took a sharp left turn onto a side street and made her way through the back streets. At least she could convince herself she was making progress because she was at least moving, even though it was a longer distance to use the back roads.

She finally arrived at the office building and pulled neatly into a parking space. There were only a few other cars there that early in the morning. The normal business hours for this client were from nine to five, but they had given her a key to let herself in whenever she needed access to the building. They understood that she sometimes needed to work when nobody was in the building. There were times she retrieved vast amounts of data from their information and accounting systems and it was best to do so when there were few user demands on the system.

Susanna got out of her car and walked towards the entrance. She tried the door and finding it locked, used her key to enter the building. It was softly lit and she was able to find her way easily without bothering to turn on the harsh florescent lights. She rounded the corner to the office they’d temporarily given her while she was working on this project. Rather than using the light switch on the wall, she carefully found her way to the desk and felt around on it for the lamp.

The desk was bathed in a gentle circle of light. After Susanna had stowed her purse in the desk drawer, she sat down and turned on the desktop computer. While the computer was booting, she checked her voice mail messages and selected the “make busy” option on the phone so she wouldn’t be interrupted while she was working. Susanna scheduled time to answer both voice and e-mail so she could be more productive.

She logged on to the computer network and opened a file. She’d been analyzing this spreadsheet the night before and began manipulating the data once more. Her eyes became fixated on the screen and her fingers quickly clicked the keys.

Susanna looked up at her doorway without comprehension for a long moment before she realized that Betsy was standing there impatiently shifting from one foot to the other.

"What was that, Betsy? I didn't hear you."

"Really? I would never have guessed! You've been staring at that monitor so intently that it took you five minutes to even realize I was trying to get your attention! How can you get so engrossed in your work? I just can't imagine it!"

"Well, that's because I love my work and I'm actually good at it," Susanna teased. "So, what can I do for you, ma'am?"

"It's time for lunch, if you hadn't noticed, and I wanted to know if you'd like to join us at the Italian restaurant. A bunch of us are heading over in a couple of minutes if you're interested."

"That sounds really good and, now that I think about it, I'm starved." Susanna looked at her watch and realized it was already 12:30. She had only stepped away from her desk once the entire morning. "I think I will join you all. Thanks for the offer. Just give me a minute and I'll be ready."

As Betsy nodded her agreement and walked away, she called over her shoulder, "We'll meet out in the entryway and go in one car. See you in a couple of minutes."

Susanna quickly made a few adjustments to the spreadsheet she was working on, saved the document, and enabled her screensaver. She glanced towards the phone and realized she had voice mail messages waiting for her. She looked at the door and back to the phone. The messages could wait, she decided. Surely it wasn't that important. Her stomach grumbled at her and Susanna reached towards her drawer for her purse and walked out of her office.

An hour later, Susanna sauntered back towards the office building with Betsy and two others. The four of them were laughing at a story Betsy was telling about the experience she and her mother had over the past weekend.

As Betsy recounted the funny episode, Susanna's face became pensive. She wished she could remember some funny stories that included her own mother. All her memories were about normal everyday things -- she couldn't recall spending time one-on-one with her mother either as a child or now as an adult. Before Dad had passed away five years ago, he and her mom were inseparable. One did not go somewhere that the other did not also go.

When she and her younger brother were kids, they always did things as a family, although Susanna couldn't remember them doing any real family outings. Primarily they went out to dinner together as their family time. Once Susanna had finished college for good and moved out of the house, she never seemed to have much reason to go home. Susanna and her mom never had much to say to each other, so there never seemed to be much reason to go home. They did talk on the phone about once a month just to keep up with each other.

"Susanna. Earth to Susanna! Where are you, Susanna?" Betsy called.

"What? Oh, sorry, I was lost in thought." Susanna laughed at herself, "I must be getting older than I thought!"

"Good grief, Susanna, you've been miles away today. Are you okay?"

Susanna assured the ladies she was fine, maybe a bit tired, but that was all. She wondered why she’d been so preoccupied with thoughts of her mom today.

By this time, they were nearing Susanna's office. A large piece of paper was taped to her door with her name scrawled on the front in large letters. Susanna thanked the others for the lunch company and said she'd see them later. As she pulled the note from the door, she made a mental note to find the Chief Operating Officer, Mary Benson, since she hadn’t spoken to her for several days. She had to remember that marketing for her company was equally important to providing superior services. She needed to ensure her client was fully satisfied with her work and to “make nice” with her. It was the one thing about her job that Susanna didn’t really enjoy.

Susanna read the note as she walked to her desk. The note told her that the administrative assistant at her corporate office had been trying to reach her and that she should return the call as soon as possible. Susanna shrugged and tossed the note on her desk. She noticed that her phone was flashing and indicating there were still messages for her to retrieve. Deciding that this was as good a time as any to find Mary, she turned on her heel. She could always return the call to the office and check her voice mail later this afternoon. If she sat down she’d get too engrossed in her work and totally forget to talk to Mary. Again.

A half-hour later, Susanna returned to her office. She listened to the voice mail that was so insistently beckoning her. There were four messages from the office. She couldn’t imagine what crisis would merit so many messages. As Susanna dialed the office, she glanced at her watch and realized it was after 2:00. There was still so much work she had planned to complete today – at least another three solid hours of work with no interruptions.

When the assistant answered the phone, relief was evident in his voice when he realized it was Susanna. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you since early this morning. Did you put your phone on busy again?”

Susanna tried to answer his questions, but they came one after the other and she could only sputter as she tried to get a word in.

“Never mind that. It’s not important now. Apparently your brother has been trying to reach you today as well. He called me this morning when he had been unable to reach you. He told me to contact you right away because there was an emergency. You need to call him. Do you have his number, Susanna?”

“Oh, yes, I have the number. Did he say what was wrong? Did he tell you anything at all? Is he okay?”

“Susanna, I really don’t know anything at all. I can only assume the problem is not with him since he called and sounded fine to me, but you’d better call right away. I hope everything is okay, Susanna. Keep me informed if you need anything, okay? Take care and I’ll talk to you later.”

He hung up, but Susanna continued to hold the receiver to her ear. She was stunned. What could be wrong? Her brother rarely called her; he was too involved in his own life and they weren’t especially close. He’d always been much closer to her mother than she was and Susanna had always been slightly envious of their relationship. Then she thought. Mom. Did something happen to her? Maybe the emergency was Mom. I can’t imagine that anything could really happen to her. She is too strong and independent. But she is how old now? 67? 68? She was getting older. Please, God, don’t let anything happen to my Mom.

As she looked down at her fingers, she realized they were trembling. Good grief! Don’t jump to conclusions, Susanna! You’re always calm and cool. Just pick up the phone and dial the number.

The receiver was still in her hand. Susanna disconnected the previous call to get a dial tone and tentatively pressed the numbers to her brother’s home. Her brother picked up on the first ring and barked, “Susanna, please tell me that’s you!”

Before Susanna could speak, she had to let out her breath. She hadn’t even realized she’d been holding it. “Dave, what’s wrong? What’s happened? Are you okay? How’s…”

Dave interrupted her. “It’s Mom. She had another stroke early this morning. This one looks bad, Sis. She’s at the hospital and the doctor doesn’t think it looks very good.”

“Do you mean… She might… Oh, Dave, she’s not going to…”

“Susanna, there’s not a threat that she’ll die. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how that came out.”

Susanna closed her eyes, her shoulders slumped, and she held her head in free hand. Thank you, God. I knew you answered prayers.

Dave continued, “I meant that her left side is paralyzed and they don’t believe she’s going to get much movement or feeling back. Her condition is stable and they’re planning to keep her in the hospital for another couple of days. The big problem they’ve already brought up to me is that they don’t think Mom’ll be able to go home and live by herself any more.”

Susanna straightened her head and set her shoulders. I can deal with this. I can manage. I’m a strong woman.

“Dave, I’m going to leave the office as soon as we’re off the phone. I’ll make all the necessary arrangements and will be out of town within the next two to three hours. It is only about a five-hour drive. Do you mind if I borrow your couch tonight? Your apartment is closer to the hospital than Mom’s house.”

When Dave spoke, his voice was quavering. “Sis, I’m so glad you’re coming. I’m about ready come apart at the seams. Sure, you can stay at my place. My couch is your couch. So, I’ll see you about 11:00 or so?”

“Yes, Dave. I should be pulling in to town by 10:30. We’ll talk when I get there, okay?”

“’Kay, sis. See ya soon.”

God, why is this happening? What are we going to do with Mom? I can’t imagine how she’d ever agree to go into a home or assisted living arrangement. She’s so stubborn and so critical of everyone. How would she ever be satisfied with others making her meals? Not to mention how she’d manage with people around her all the time.

She’s never really had friends or what you’d call a social life. In fact, it seemed that people irritated her. The only person I ever saw Mom really smile at was Dad. They seemed to have such a great relationship and never to need anyone else. Mom also enjoyed talking to Dave. They usually talked on the phone once a day and visited each week. Dave lived in the same town as Mom, so it was easier for him to maintain a closer relationship to Mom.

The problem was that Dave had a small apartment and was just starting in his career. He had a girlfriend and a lot of friends; he was always out on Friday and Saturday nights. His job required him to travel quite a lot, so he was gone about half the time. There was just no way he would be able to take on Mom or even check on her every day if she was able to go home. What, then, were they going to do? God, there has to be some answer to this. Please look after my Mom and give all of us strength to get through this time.

It was nearing ten o’clock and Susanna’s silver Saturn was just reaching the outskirts of the familiar town where she’d spent half her life. A slight smile touched her lips as she drove past the old Dairy Corner where she used to work in the summers. It was still open after all these years. Amazing how some things just never seem to change. There were about ten cars parked in the lot with teenagers laughing and calling to one another as they licked the dripping ice cream from their cones. She reminisced about all the times she worked inside and saw that familiar scene. Susanna remembered with bittersweet fondness. She never seemed to be the laughing teen, but the responsible one who smiled at everyone and wished she were able to enjoy herself like they did.

Susanna gave herself a shake and straightened her shoulders. I am a mature woman who has a fantastic job and plenty of friends. Well, maybe I don’t have so many good friends, but I certainly have other people to call when I feel like going out or having company. I’ve proven myself to be a very competent and professional businesswoman whom my co-workers and management respect and like. I can joke around with the best of them! I am friendly and most people respond to my wry sense of humor. I need to get myself together. Why do I always seem to regress when I come home?

All her old insecurities flooded into her consciousness with a rush. The thought of seeing her mother always filled her with a slight sense of dread and unease. It was such an unnatural feeling and she always felt guilty about it. She didn’t understand it and she never quite knew what to say when they were together. She and her mother were just too different; they didn’t understand each other. They probably never would and Susanna just needed to accept that. Susanna thought her mother was too critical. She was sure that her mom was always inspecting her and that somehow she always came up short.

So, Susanna had just determined that she’d do very well on her own and be successful and independent. She always whimsically remembered, though, that her Mom and Dad had been so happy together. You could tell when they looked at each other that they meant the world to each other. Susanna hadn’t found that feeling with anyone and she was starting to wonder if she’d ever find someone who would make her feel that way.

The Saturn slowed as it turned down Sycamore Street. Her brother’s apartment was just down the street. Susanna rubbed her forehead with her hand and navigated the car into the driveway of the apartment building. At this time of night the parking lot was full and she drove up and down trying to find an empty slot. She finally spotted an empty space that was about as far from Dave’s apartment as was possible. She sighed as she turned the car into the space and turned off the ignition. Well, a walk would feel good after being cooped up in the car for the last four hours.

As she slid her slim jean-clad legs from the car, she reached into the back seat, and grabbed her two bags. She put the bags on the ground and stretched to work out her stiff muscles. Then she lifted her bags and slung one over her shoulder and grabbed the other’s handle while she slammed the car door with her hip.

Dave opened the door after she knocked and just held out his arms. Susanna gratefully stepped into his hug and dropped her bags on the floor.

“Hey, sis. I’m glad you’re here. Mom’s been asking for you and I told her you’d be there in the morning.

“How was your drive? I hope it wasn’t too bad.”

“The trip was all right. It seemed to take forever, but I actually made good time. I’m glad to be here and out of the car, though,” Susanna said with a slight grimace. She stretched again and winced as she felt her tight muscles.

“How’s Mom doing? Is she really going to be okay?”

“I spoke with the doctor again earlier this evening. He said Mom was doing really well considering the extent of the paralysis from the stroke. Mom started talking fairly well by late this afternoon, but she still can’t move her left leg or arm much. The doctor still believes she’s not going to be able to get much movement at all in them. He asked me again about arrangements for Mom. I told him you’d be coming in and you were the sensible ‘brainiac’ of the family, so you’d have it all figured out for us.” Dave attempted to be jovial, but his joke fell flat.

Susanna just smiled wanly at him. “Dave, can we talk about this in the morning. I’ve been up since ‘o-dark-thirty’ and I’m exhausted. Please show me to your couch before I collapse!”

Susanna took a deep breath and held it for as long as she could. Then she exhaled and pushed open the door. Her glossy brown hair swung as she briskly strode into the room. She gazed around the room, taking in the door to her right – presumably the bathroom – and the window at the far end of the small rectangular room with a bright bouquet of sunny yellow chrysanthemums and deep red roses sitting on the wide window ledge. Finally, her eyes fell on the bed with stark silver rails.

“Well, are you just going to stand there and gawk or are you going to give me a hug, Susanna?” her mother demanded.

“Mom! You’re awake. The nurse told me you were sleeping.” Susanna exclaimed. She had jumped when her mother startled her with the question.

“As you can tell, the nurses are totally incompetent. They don’t even know when I am sleeping or awake! Honestly, Susanna, I can’t imagine how they made it through college. Just a while ago one of them came in here and woke me from a sound sleep just to ask me if I was feeling all right. She also called me Edith! What a ghastly name! It very clearly states my name is Rose on my chart. Once I informed her that I had been just fine until she so rudely woke me, she patted my hand and told me I could go back to sleep if I wanted. Unbelievable!” Rose complained while she gestured wildly with her right hand.

Susanna smiled weakly at her mother and choked back a retort that the nurses were probably following the doctor’s orders to wake her. She also half-heartedly wished her mother’s speech had been affected by the stroke. The moment the thought entered her mind Susanna was appalled at herself. How could ever wish such a thing on her mother? They may not always understand each other or be very close, but she loved her mother.

Rose lay on the bed muttering under her breath about the incompetence of the hospital staff. When she realized Susanna was not responding to her, she looked at her grown daughter. She noticed that Susanna looked very tired and had dark circles under her eyes. She knew that Dave had been unable to reach her until late yesterday afternoon. She surmised that Susanna must have worked late as usual and driven directly here last night.

“Susanna, you look terrible! You look as if you haven’t slept for days.” Rose chastised her daughter.

Susanna swallowed the rude comment she wanted to make. She forced her thoughts back to her mother’s current health.

“Mom, how are you feeling? I can hear that your speech is back to a hundred percent. Dave told me that the stroke affected your left side. How are your arm and leg doing? Have you gotten any movement back in them yet?”

Rose stared at her left arm as if willing it to move. A defeated look flashed across her face for a brief second before it was replaced with a defiant one. She informed her daughter that she was just fine. So what if her arm and leg didn’t want to work. She’d be fine just like she always was. Then she demanded that she be allowed to go home as soon as possible. Although the bouquet Dave had given her was beautiful, she missed her garden and new spring flowers. Next she inquired where Dave was this morning.

Susanna responded that he had a few things to take care of at the office, but that he’d be here as soon as he could. He was supposed to have gone on a trip to Denver tomorrow, so he was finding a replacement for himself. He wanted to stay home until Rose was better and had been discharged from the hospital.

Rose smiled and commented, “Dave is always so thoughtful isn’t he, Susanna? He’s always thinking of me. Have you met his girlfriend yet? She’s so pretty with that lovely blonde hair and she’s built like a model. She told me that she exercises every day. I’m so happy to hear that some young people think about their health and well-being. It’s so important not to wait until you’re older, Susanna. You could learn from them, I think. You work too much and neglect yourself.”

“Mom, let’s not talk about that. We’re here to talk about you and how you’re doing. Has Dave spoken with you about what you’re going to do when you’re released from the hospital?”

“Oh, pooh, Susanna. Let’s not worry about that. I’m going home and doing the same things I did before, of course. What else would I do?” Rose waved her right hand dismissively.

Rose tried to change the subject. “Now, I want to talk about Dave for a minute. He’s been traveling too much lately. That can’t be good for him, do you think?”

“Mom. Dave’s just fine. We really need to talk about you for a minute. The doctor has told us he won’t release you to go home. He does not believe you will be able to manage on your own. Your whole left side doesn’t work. How will you prepare your meals? How will you dress yourself?”

“Susanna, you and Dave are making too much of this. I can simply go home and Dave can check up on me. If we convince him not to travel so much, that’ll work just fine.”

“I don’t think that’s really a feasible solution, Mom. Dave’s not going to be able to walk in to his boss’s office and tell him he’s not going to travel anymore. It is part of the job requirement. He’ll lose his job.

“What about looking into one of those assisted living arrangements? I’m sure we can find a really nice one that’s almost like living in your own home. They’re not like they used to be. You know, like a hospital. What do you think about that, Mom?”

“I most certainly am not going to move into some place with a bunch of strangers! That’s preposterous, Susanna. I can’t believe you’d even suggest it.” Rose sputtered.

“Okay, okay, Mom. Do you have any suggestions other than the one you’ve already made?”

“No, I do not. I’m getting a little tired now, Susanna. I’d like to rest my eyes for a bit.” Rose dismissed her daughter and closed her eyes.

Susanna looked helplessly at her mother and threw her hands up in the air. What was she going to do? Her mother was impossible! She saw that her mother had actually fallen asleep and was softly snoring.

Susanna fell back against the chair cushions and watched her mother for a while. Her mom looked so peaceful lying there. Her silver hair was combed perfectly and she even had light pink lipstick on her lips. Susanna smiled as she remembered that pink was her mom’s favorite color. It was just like her mother to always look perfectly groomed. She used to advise Susanna never to even run to the store without her makeup. She’d say, “You never know who you might run into, Susanna.”

Susanna rose from her chair and quietly let herself out of the room so she wouldn’t disturb her mother’s rest.

The doctor was just coming down the hall to check in with Rose as Susanna was leaving the room. He introduced himself to Susanna and asked if she was Rose’s daughter. When she affirmed that she was, he queried whether or not she had spoken with her mother about living arrangements upon discharge. Susanna grimaced and responded that she had tried, but her mother was intractable. She flatly refused to enter an assisted living arrangement and her only other suggestion was to stay at home with Dave to check in on her daily. Susanna explained that her brother’s work required him to travel frequently and that arrangement would never work.

He looked expectantly at her and asked if she’d considered having her mother move in with her. He explained that many elderly people often move in with their children and that although it is certainly an adjustment, it’s usually the best one for all. Perhaps Rose would agree to stay with her daughter.

Susanna stared at him with a slack jaw. “I’m quite sure my mother would never agree to live with me, Doctor. She never even suggested it. You see, we don’t… uh, well, we aren’t… we’re not very close,” Susanna stammered. “We’re just so different and I’m sure we’d drive each absolutely insane if we had to live with one another. I know you mean well, but it just isn’t possible.”

The doctor gave her an all-knowing gaze, nodded his head, and began to walk away. Then he paused and turned back to Susanna. “Perhaps, your mother didn’t suggest it to you because she was waiting for you to offer. Just a thought.” He slowly turned and sauntered away from her.

Susanna turned her head towards her mother’s door and thought for a moment. She shook her head and ambled towards the cafeteria to buy a cup of coffee. She badly needed a caffeine fix after the sleepless night of tossing on Dave’s uncomfortable couch. They had both awakened early this morning and found themselves at the kitchen table talking about their mother. Dave had no suggestions and knew that Mom would be difficult to please in this matter. She was so independent and private that she’d never be happy in a setting with people she didn’t know. She would be too uncomfortable. He was just beginning his career and simply couldn’t jeopardize it by insisting he couldn’t travel anymore. Besides he enjoyed the travel and seeing new places. His other concern was that he was a man, after all, and, well, mom was a woman. She would have some needs that would be too delicate for him to manage. How would they address that?

Dave fully expected that Susanna would have some solution that would work for all of them. Most importantly, she would find a living arrangement that Mom would be happy with and would not balk at. Susanna had always bailed him out of his scrapes in the past and he relied on her as he always had. She felt both burdened by the responsibility and guilt for feeling burdened.

God, why are you making this so difficult? Help me find an answer to this problem. Mom won’t admit she needs help and I can’t communicate with her. Sure, we talk, but we don’t really communicate in the sense that we understand each other. I thought I was supposed to be able to figure out life’s problems by the time I was an adult. I remember when I was a teenager, I thought people in their twenties and thirties were so together. Here I am, thirty-five years old and I still feel like a kid! God, is it supposed to be this way? I have more questions and feel more unsure now than I did when I was twenty. Please, God, I know you have a reason for all that happens and that I won’t always understand what they are. Help me to find a solution to this problem. I need your assistance more than ever before.

Susanna’s eyes were closed as she thought to herself. She was sitting at a table in the cafeteria. Her eyes slowly opened and she gazed around. The walls were painted that hospital green that was supposed to have a calming and serene effect. She just thought it was a putrid color. There was only one other person in the cafeteria. As Susanna’s eyes met his, recognition dawned in her eyes. Her deep blue eyes widened in surprise as she realized it was Peter, her neighbor in the apartment complex. What was he doing here?

Peter, too, recognized her. He rose from the table and walked to her. His eyes were downcast and his shoulders did not appear to be as broad as she remembered. When he reached her table, he asked if she minded if he joined her. His blonde hair had a tousled look and his clothes were rumpled as if he’d slept in them. He was wearing a terribly distasteful purple, orange, and green Hawaiian shirt. It was loud, just like his personality. Susanna noisily cleared her throat as she tried to choke back a giggle.

“What are you doing here, Peter?” Susanna asked.

“My Dad,” he croaked. Peter raised his head slowly and his eyes met hers. “My Dad was staying with my cousin who lives here. Dad hadn’t been doing very well for quite a long time. He had cancer.”

Peter stopped talking and drew in a long deep breath. He glanced away and turned back to her.

“I’ve known for a while that it was only a matter of time, but it’s still hard when it actually happens. My cousin called yesterday and told me I’d better come. After I arrived, Dad smiled and told me he loved me. Then he closed his eyes and seemed to drift off to sleep. He never woke up again.”

Peter took a drink from his cup and made a face. “This stuff is terrible! It tastes like it’s two days old!

“So, what are you doing here, Susanna? I’ve been watching you since you came in. I didn’t want to interrupt because you had your eyes closed and you looked like you were deep in thought. Is there anything I can do?”

Susanna laughed briefly and replied, “Yes, you can. Do you want to take in a sixty-seven year old woman who doesn’t want to live with anyone?”

Peter just gave her a questioning look, but remained silent. He sensed that Susanna had more to say.

Susanna explained that her mother had had a stroke five years ago not long after her father had passed away. The first stroke was minor and she recovered fully from it. Two nights ago her mother had not been so fortunate and she suffered from a more severe stroke. This time she had lost use of her left side.

Peter nodded and made the appropriate sounds as Susanna talked for the next fifteen minutes about her mother. He just listened when she told him how she and her mother had never been close. He sympathized when she confided that her secret desire had always been to be comfortable and more emotionally close to her mom.

Susanna became silent and Peter looked at her. Their eyes met and she had an apologetic expression as she realized what she’d been doing. “Oh, Peter, I’m so sorry. I’ve been going on about my mother when you’ve just lost your father. You’ve been so kind to let me talk and I’ve been blathering on and on.

“How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Susanna, you have been helping me. Just listening to you talk about your mom helps. It gets my mind off my dad for a little while. The next few days are going to be so hectic while I make all the arrangements that right now is probably the only time I’ll have to think about something else.

“Now you told me why you’re here in the hospital, but you haven’t explained your comment about my taking your mother in. What did you mean by that?”

Susanna opened her mouth, paused for a moment, and then began. “As you know by now, my mom and I don’t get along too well. I guess it’s not that we don’t get along; it’s just that we don’t have much to talk about. You know what I mean?” She didn’t expect or wait for a response and continued. “She’s always expected so much of me and I always felt I came up short. I guess I learned to be defensive where my mom was concerned.

When I went to college, I came home for short visits on weekends and holidays, but really I moved away then. She doesn’t know me or understand me. I guess I don’t know or understand her either. I think we were both relieved when I decided to work in Chicago over four hours away. She’s always been closer to my younger brother, Dave.

“Now she can’t go home and live by herself anymore. Dave can’t take care of her because of practical reasons and traveling so much. Mom absolutely refuses to go into any type of apartment or senior living arrangement. The doctor suggested I take Mom home with me, but he doesn’t know us. She doesn’t want to live with me. Mom suggested living with Dave, but never even mentioned coming home with me. That alone should tell you something.

“Now Dave is expecting me to come up with a solution. I have no idea what to do. Give me a business related problem and I’m your woman, but give me a mother-daughter issue and I’m a dunce!” Susanna exclaimed.

Peter had continued to listen to her. But, by the time Susanna wound down, he had an almost angry expression on his face. “Do you realize how selfish you sound right now, Susanna?” he blurted.

“What?” Susanna snapped.

Peter responded, “I just lost my dad. We didn’t always get along, but I loved him and I’m going to miss him like crazy. Now, I’m listening to you complaining like a spoiled kid about how your mom likes your brother best. Aren’t you an adult now?”

Without giving Susanna a chance to reply, he wistfully said, “I’d give anything to spend more time with my dad and to work out some of our differences. When he got sick, he chose to live with my cousin instead of me. I was angry, too, and I didn’t ever talk about it with him. I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him, but there was a lot left unsaid. Susanna, don’t let that happen to you.”

Susanna had prepared herself for battle when he accused her of being selfish. Now she realized how she must have sounded and was sorry for her self-centered comments.

A woman approached their table and apologized for interrupting. She said she needed Peter to complete some paperwork. Peter nodded and said he’d be right there. He looked into Susanna’s azure eyes and thought they were the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. They were filled with tears that were threatening to spill over and he regretted his harsh words to her.

“God, I’m sorry, Susanna. That was such a thoughtless thing to say. I know this is an emotional time for you.”

“Peter, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve selfishly monopolized your time by telling you all about my problems. You have enough going on right now without hearing about all this. I am sorry. I’m not usually so insensitive.”

Peter responded that he understood, but that he did need to take care of some things. As he rose from his seat, he said softly, “Please think about what I said, okay?”

“I will, Peter. Take care of yourself, okay?”

Peter combed his blonde hair out of his face with his fingers. He smiled tenderly at Susanna and said, “Thanks, Susanna. I’ll see you around the apartment, okay? Maybe we can get together some time and go out for a drink or something.”

Susanna surprised herself by saying, “I’d like that, Peter. Bye, now.” She watched Peter’s broad shoulders in that ludicrous shirt as he walked away. She thought that maybe he wasn’t such a jerk after all. She couldn’t believe she’d confided in him like she had. She never told anyone about her feelings; they were too private. She also never relied on anyone else. She was a strong woman and could take care of herself.

Susanna closed her eyes and rested her head on her hands. Okay, God, I’m still waiting for a lightning bolt. I still don’t know what to do. After a few minutes, she raised her head and started smiling. She realized that the words she’d just used to describe herself could also be used to describe her mother.

Maybe they had more in common than she thought. She did love her mother – very much. Susanna thought about Peter’s loss and couldn’t imagine having no parents left. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to invite her mother to stay with her. What did she have to lose? The worst thing that could happen is that her mother would refuse her offer, right? She’d heard her mother’s criticisms before and had always survived.

Susanna rose from the table, threw her nearly full Styrofoam cup into the trash, and purposefully strode to the door. She made one stop on the way back to her mother. Then she walked to her mother’s room and pushed open the door. She saw that Dave had arrived and was sitting on the bed chatting with her mother. They were both smiling. For a moment, Susanna had second thoughts. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. She could see how easily her brother and mom got along. It was never that way between she and her mother.

Rose looked up towards the door when she sensed that someone was there. A smile rose on her lips. “Ah, there you are, Susanna. Where’ve you been? Dave and I were just talking about you and wondering what was keeping you.”

Rose noticed that Susanna had her hand behind her back and looked at her with a questioning gaze. “What’s that you have behind your back? You never were very good at keeping secrets from me.”

Susanna smiled ruefully and approached the bed. “You’re right, Mom. I never have been good at subterfuge.”

She withdrew her hand from behind her back and presented her mother with a perfect rose. She’d searched through all the flowers in the hospital gift shop until she had found the rose that was the most delicate shade of pink with no brown edges on it. They were always hard to find, but then one just appeared in her hand as she was rifling through the roses. It was just opening, so her mother would be able to see it open to a full bloom and the petals were as soft as angel kisses.

“I found a rose worthy of sharing a name with you, Mom.”

“Susanna, it is lovely, and it’s my favorite color. Thank you.”

“Mom, I’ve been thinking. My apartment is in a really beautiful part of town and we have a courtyard that’s full of rosebushes. You’d love sitting out there enjoying the flowers and soaking in the sun. We also have a day care facility right on the property. I know they’re always looking for volunteers to help out. You’re so good with small children and they love you. My building is new and they built all the apartments to be handicap accessible. I don’t travel and if you were to come live with me, I’d have a reason to come home from work at a reasonable time. So, what do you say, Mom? Do you want to come live with me? I’d like it if you did.”

Susanna held her breath as she anxiously waited for her mother’s response. When she didn’t hear anything from her mother, she peeked at her mom from under her eyelashes.

Rose’s eyes were wet and she was furiously blinking to keep the tears at bay. Finally, her mother swallowed and said, “Susanna, I think it’s a very good idea. It will give us a chance to get to know each other again. I’m so glad you asked me, and I’m very much looking forward to seeing your garden.”

Dave clapped his hands together loudly just once and looked from his sister to his mother. He winked at Rose and smiled broadly.

Susanna couldn’t believe her mother had responded the way she had. Tears rose to her eyes as she felt her heart expanding in her chest. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to have a better relationship with her mother and how she hadn’t dared to hope for one. Now she had hope.

Thank you, God. I guess you do work in mysterious ways. I would never have thought that Peter, of all people, could help me with this. Now, I can see that Mom and I have a chance.

I’ll have to remember to thank Peter, as well, when I get a chance.

Susanna gazed at her mother. Rose had a satisfied expression on her face as she smiled at her two children. She lifted the pink flower to her nose to smell its delicate scent.

Rose’s eyes caught a movement in the hallway outside her room. She glanced towards the door and saw a tall blonde man in a ghastly Hawaiian print shirt. He was standing in the hallway watching the elderly woman with her two children. His eyes met Rose’s and a smile touched his lips. He lifted a hand in a slight wave and then turned to walk away.