Outside Of My Constricted View

Introduction

Normality. That word is foreign, abnormal to me. Yes, that’s extremely ironic. I see people going to work, caring for their children, eating at restaurants. I mean, nothing is stopping me from doing that, but it feels wrong. If I can’t do those things, then will I just end up being alone for the rest of my life? Maybe I’m just spouting nonsense, but I can’t truly embrace normal because I’m not “normal” myself. That's what this world taught me to believe. However, my Brother, Ren, looked at the world a little differently.

Chapter 1 - Enter: Caufree Canentem

“Almost there!”

I struggled to keep up with his elegance. Ren was a man of few and many words. He always had a goal in mind; at least that’s what I thought. Maybe he was just really good at acting like he knew what he was doing. Ren and I are a part of the Canentem bloodline, so the color of our powers is gray. I wouldn’t say I’m the hugest fan of gray. It feels cold. A fairly dark color that has subtle hints of light. The meaning of colors is different around the world and I find that to be very interesting.

Ren and I were heading to our “secret spot”. The roof of an abandoned building that looked onto a regularly inhabited port. I still remember the distinct brown of the sky and the calming blue of the sea. The commotion of the workers. I always wondered what they had to worry about. Being late? Their sandwiches getting cold? I was around fourteen back then and I looked up to Ren, as well as my Mom and Dad. Ren is an independent person and he wanted to leave the house to “tour the world”, to my dismay.

“Why are you leaving?” I asked as Ren looked at the sunset.

“To see the world outside of my constricted view!”. He patted me on the shoulder, wore a reassuring smile on his face, and then said “Come on! I think it’s time I show you what’s out there!”.

From that smile alone, I knew exactly what he was talking about. My Dad would read me bedtime stories about the “worlds beyond our comprehension”. At a certain age, we gain the ability to traverse these worlds. The stars can flood the land in darkness, the snow can leave a ferocious wildfire in its wake. Voices can hang in the air like fog. It was a scary thing to think about, but Ren kept on telling me that things were going to be okay. Since we were a part of the same bloodline, we could travel across those different worlds together.

I opened my eyes and saw a long, illuminated path before me. I followed Ren through that path. I was in awe of everything that was entering my line of sight, but there was one thing that I didn’t tell him about and that was the voices that I heard. It was screaming. No. Crying. They sounded familiar, yet indescribable. Ren could tell that I was afraid, so he smiled and once again told me that everything was going to be alright. I smiled back and we ran through that path with determined feet. The sky got further away from us and luminous, vibrant stars started to populate it. It was beautiful, but what did it all mean? As we kept on running, I started wondering why Ren was showing me all of this. Maybe he wanted to create a final memory before he left.

Around a year before a phenomenon that took away my family, Ren finally left the house to forge his path. There was one night before he left where I saw him sitting on the floor of our kitchen, silently crying. I couldn’t muster the courage to form any words. Eventually, I whispered his name and he turned around, frantically trying to wipe away his tears. He smiled. “Why are you up?”. He gave me a long hug and told me to go back to sleep. That was the last hug he ever gave me.

A year passed. It was night again. This time the cries were distant. All I could remember was this unique flash of light that had every single color imaginable in it, followed by a terrifyingly beautiful sound, then nothing. Then there were screams that started to multiply. The ringing in my ears harmonizing with it. I went downstairs. Nothing. My Mum and Dad were gone. I called Ren. Nothing. I looked outside and I saw people panicking. The fear that I felt at the time was incomprehensible. I was alone. I didn’t want to be alone.

Chapter 2 - Enter: Alex Luxilum

I remember sitting on an empty road when all of this was happening. It was empty, but not silent. I heard screaming in the distance, but I was lost in my hollow thoughts. Looking at the stars that were smiling at me. The government dubbed this event the “Tacet Massacre”. I think that approximately two to three million people around the world were found dead or missing after a flash of light that engulfed the world for a few seconds. It was a horrifying and gruesome event. I still don’t know if my parents survived the whole thing. I don’t know if I even have parents. The only family I knew at the time was the Carrier Safety Organization. I am a Super Natural Carrier. Never really liked the name.

SNCs can exhibit supernatural powers. Powers that are majestic, dangerous, and vibrant. Your bloodline determines what color your powers will be. Two in a hundred people are SNCs, so I guess you could call us a rare species, but I don’t believe that. Some “normal” people live in fear of SNCs. That vocal minority started to come out in full force throughout the Tacet Massacre era, blaming SNCs for the millions of lives that were lost.

The CSO was started up by a Non-SNC called Andre Petterson. You heard that right. The many dangers that came with being an SNC did not phase Andre at all. Andre had parents that were SNCs, but he lost them in an accident that he never got to tell me about. The CSO was not supported nor funded by the government, so things were hard at the start. Different groups would smuggle SNCs to safer spots around the world and there were also shelters near the CSO headquarters. The organization quickly fell apart after the Tacet Massacre due to the vocal minority that I talked about earlier. Andre disappeared. Maybe he’s living on a secret island. I would like to think that at least.

I stayed at one of the shelters for a few months before the CSO collapsed. Andre’s face still haunts me. He was stressed, scared. Looked like he was going to drop to the floor and scream at the slightest provocation. I was still the same clueless boy, sitting on that road. I don’t know if he was like a Dad or an older brother to me. He always made sure to check up on anyone that he could lay his eyes on. He found me on the day the massacre happened and told me that he would always be there if I ever felt afraid.

A few years later, I met another SNC called Caufree Canentem. We both went to a place of study, called the “University of Super Natural Arts'' or USNA for short, where SNCs learn to hone their powers, as well as learn other things such as literature, math, and so on. To my shock, this whole idea was started up by Janice and Rondell Canentem; Caufree’s parents. Caufree says that he’s happy that they left something behind that so many people can benefit from, but I’ve always wondered how hard it is for him to deal with their disappearance. How hard it is to feel alone. Well, I know what it’s like to feel alone. But then I met Caufree, as well as so many other people that have powers just like me.

A week or two ago, Caufree wanted to speak to me “in private”. He was being more determined than usual. “I think we are at that age.” he excitedly exclaimed. I told him that it was a bit too late to be talking about puberty, but then he quickly dismissed that statement and told me that we could finally traverse the “worlds beyond our comprehension”. This is something that we learned about in one of our literature classes.

“These worlds are said to be linked to our emotions. Continuously being shaped by the thoughts that live in your mind. What may be lost in this reality, can be reformed in another plane of existence.”

I asked him why he wanted to do this.

“To find our parents, our loved ones, or maybe even find something that will lead us to them. I know it’ll be hard, but I think that we can do this.”

Caufree was at the top of all of his classes, but he doesn’t like it when people mention that. He helped me with my studies and gave me the motivation to become the person that I am today. If there’s one person in this world that I trust the most, it’s him. It was like I was sitting on that road again. Caufree told me to meet him at a port, a port with an abandoned building.

Chapter 3 - Enter: The World Beyond

“You close your eyes and reach out your hand. Transfer all of your thoughts and feelings into it. The emotions you feel at that time will determine the world you will open your eyes to.”

I met Alex at the port. The abandoned building looked more rundown than it did before, but it was still standing proudly. We looked at the view. The sun was setting and the wind was slowly picking up. Alex was playing with the zipper on his jacket, looking down at the greenery that’s been growing on the roof. The green heavily contrasted with the red of Alex’s powers. From what I’ve seen, red can mean love, anger, danger. My Dad would always say that the color of our powers influences how we behave, what emotions we feel the most. Maybe he was on to something. He knew a lot of things and he wanted to share the knowledge that he found with the world, so that’s why he started up the USNA with my Mom. Another bedtime story that my Dad would read to me was about these three SNCs that became deities a long time ago. The three were protectors, warriors, each possessing powers with great potential. One had red, the other green, and the last blue. They kept the balance, traveled across realities, and helped those in need. They were praised by many for all of their efforts. Along the way, they managed to awaken an omnipotent power within themselves. They passed down their powers to people who they deemed worthy and they also kept the balance. The deities started to fade into the background, however. Now they work in the shadows, or maybe another reality. My Dad thinks that this story is true, but I don’t know what to believe. To be fair, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched.

“You ready?”. Caufree was smiling, but I knew that he was just trying to make me feel better. I’m pretty sure he was scared as I was. We weren’t a part of the same bloodline, so we were going to have to explore these worlds on our own. What if one of us comes back and the other person doesn’t? What if we can’t even break through this reality to get to another? Will I be alone forever? Many more questions kept on swirling and swirling around my head until Caufree brought me back to my senses. I’ve read books about people who attempted to figure out what these worlds were telling them. The mind is a complex thing, so it does make sense that these worlds are incomprehensible to reflect that. I’ve heard stories of people not coming back and even if they did, they came back traumatized or sad. What did they see?

The endless amount of reassurance that I was trying to give Alex was just reminding me of Ren. He has to be out there. These worlds have to have the answers I’m looking for. I hope that Alex can find his as well.

We both put our hands out and closed our eyes.

“A figment of the imagination. A cry for help. A message long forgotten. You can not predict what will be seen on the other side. It is up to you to find your calling.”

I opened my eyes. All I saw was red. There was a constant hum in the background. I reluctantly trudged forward. The hums started turning into words of comfort. Like a Mother taking care of their kin. The red kept on following me. My heart was racing.

I don’t want anyone to hurt anymore. We can fix this. Will you please help me fix this?

That’s what I heard in the distance. It echoed everywhere. I felt tears. Like I was sympathizing with her. There was this unusual warmth that would console me with every word that would come out of her mouth. I was losing myself in her words. Do I really know who I am? What was my life like before the massacre? I can’t think back that far. That road, that long road started forming before my eyes. I still saw red. I sat down and once again became that clueless boy. All I’ve ever known was the unknown. I saw a figure in the distance.

I started seeing these visions again. Yet, they were different. They weren’t intrusive, they were subdued. The sharp pain in my head that I would get from these visions remained, however. I saw a boy. A young man. They were constantly phasing between the two. The pain was overwhelming to the point where I couldn’t even make sense of anything. He started fading into the red. I reached out my hands. It was pointless.

I stood up and went towards the figure. I tried reaching out to her, but the pain in my head got increasingly intense. Why is she leaving me? I was alone. The red got darker, then the figure disappeared. I can’t forget the people that I’ve met. They are a part of me, but I still don’t know who I am. I’m usually the first one to make light of a situation, the one who will smile and laugh till their lungs give in, but I still don’t know who I am. I want to go home. I focused on that desire. My tears turned into jagged streams and my exhaustion brought me to my knees. I felt the wind from the port.

I wish he knew the real reason why I left. What would he have said? I didn’t want him to worry, but, to be honest, I may have done something much worse. I’m lost. I just wanted to protect my family, see them smile. I hugged him with everything that I had because I knew that I was never going to see him again. At that time, I started seeing visions. These visions are what my Dad told me about. That’s when I knew my time in that reality was almost up.

Hills of gray sand. Gray skies. The calming sound of the sea, but there was no sea. My Mom, Dad, Ren; that’s who I am looking for. Right? So, why can’t I move? I saw two people, one smaller than the other, sitting on the sand. Looked like they were speaking to each other. I couldn’t hear them, but it was like I knew what they were going to say. My head started aching. I have to keep on moving, otherwise, I will lose them forever. If I lose them, then I will be alone again. I don’t want to be alone.

I wonder what kind of person he’s grown into. I know it’s hard seeing your child grow up and become more independent. My Mom and Dad are great parents, but they can be a little bit overprotective at times, that’s normal though. They just don’t want their child to feel alone, feel like the world is out to get them. I will see them again. No matter how many more miles I have to walk.

They disappeared and I was finally able to move. Was this a mistake? Did Alex make it out? What have I done? I have to keep moving. This is not the end, but I feel like I’m at the edge of the world, of reality. The sky turned into sea and the hills became flat. I started running, crying. Why do I keep moving?

“Almost there!”

The line between the end and the beginning was blurred. The ground and sky were closing in. I wanted to cry out for help, but who would hear me? I could only scream. I kept screaming and screaming until I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Alex. I saw dried-up tears on his face. He was clearly distraught, but he was asking if I was alright. I asked the same, even though that wasn’t needed. We were still on the roof of the abandoned building. We helped each other down and we made our way back home. Not many words were said, all I knew was that we didn’t find what we were looking for.

I couldn’t think of anything to say to Caufree during our walk home, we both saw things that will keep us up at night and live in the back of our minds. As we got closer to home, I suggested that we could utilize this experience as fuel to keep us going. We shouldn’t fear the unknown but embrace it. We have to finish what we started and find out what our lives truly mean. Caufree let out a slight smile.

Alex had this spark in his eyes as if he was looking towards a new beginning. We both have a long way to go before we can find our loved ones. A long, illuminated path was laid out before us, holding many twists and turns along the way. I can see our family waiting on the other side. This is my calling. Our calling. I know they are out there.

I know they are out there.

Epilogue

“There’s a whole world out there!”. I said that with so much enthusiasm, that it sounded fake. Too much bravado. Lost all of the coolness that I had before. I tried to be a role model to him. Who knows if it worked or not. The road ahead is uncertain, crooked. I never thought that I would be in the position that I am in now. I hold copious amounts of regret all the time, like a glass of water unwillingly being filled to the brim, but what am I regretting exactly? That I never got to properly say goodbye? That I didn’t get to keep my promise? I don’t know.

On that day, I left the reality that I knew to enter another. From that point onwards, I truly realized the horrors that were hidden in the reality that I left. Why is everything so tainted? Why end everything in gutless and shallow conflict? I had to fix it. I kept on repeating that to myself. I’ve been traveling and traveling with no end in sight. I step forward and the whole world slowly creeps back. I sometimes think about that young man, the little boy I saw in my vision. Why was that shown to me? There are many questions that I’ve tried to ask that have been left unanswered. The only way is home now. Wherever “home” is.