Once More With You

Maybe I was meant to sail in darkness. The dark halo I see in others, is it a reflection of my own? My bright light peppered with salt, ravaged by time. Left to be neglected, forgotten and turned into the darkness. Darkness falls on us all, like the waves of sea where turtles and doves turn dark like night. Blanketing us with memories, seeping into our porous pores. Greying us with age until the vast cities within us falter towards the skies, breaking apart until they crumble. Wearing down to the bone before drifting away.

No longer do stony mountain tops kiss upon fresh, foggy clouds, or break the dawn of our rising sun. No more do legends bask upon whispers of lost kingdoms, hither no more, wither no more. For we are the mightiest of kingdoms. We are the grace, the bless-ed few. No matter our vows to others and the fall-out that may come. We are the letter writers, the Calvary, the army sent atop horned beasts to bring war and defeat to all of our enemies upon the kings “best behalf”. Its only when we step into ourselves, do we learn to accept our fates, to fly with unburdened wings. To soar into the dewy moons and dust the stars in preparation for our valiant return. For it truly is a curse to see with half-hearted certainties—untamed, unfiltered and starved for touch. Left to wonder if any of this means anything. But in you, with you, it all comes flooding back. Something happened. Something changed, making me remember a feeling I had once long thought dead.

The second first time I fell in love wasn’t with you.

I swear I felt this feeling wash over me before—sickly sweet, and intoxicating. I remember it well. Perfectly, as though it was yesterday, as though it was the first time—but that couldn’t be, and yet, somehow it is, it was. The truth is, I can’t quite remember how it felt before, or rather, how it was supposed to feel. I can’t remember how anyone else’s lips taste upon mine. For all of them feel wrong, lackluster, dead. Yours have become all that matter, and trust me, I tried. I tried to walk away, to forget, to wage a silent war, a battle within myself to let this go.

But alas, all other touch pales in comparison to the fire brewing between us. Your hands, your grip, your hold on my heart. It doesn't falter, it isn't swaying.

You erased everything that had already come undone. Maybe that was fated as such. Maybe this was how it was always meant to happen. Life without you has become uncomfortable, unimaginable. You are both a disrupting and beautiful force—because you made it so. Not because you came in and ripped my life apart, but because you swirled into the chaos and anchored my soul. You danced around all the uncomfortabilites and made them whole.

You were nothing like anything I had ever had and yet you were the same.

Maybe this was a past life come back to haunt me for all my wrong doings. To wake me up, to stare me down, to set my path right. An arrow forking my road, spinning it wildly into the unknown.

Devastating all the things I thought were perfect.

Perfectly fine, perfectly normal, perfectly boring.

Instead, your clutches clawed at my heart, pulling me into the only place that made sense. With you.

I believe you and I might have crossed paths in distant time. You have become everything I never wanted but craved all the same. We had lived and loved under the same vast circling moons. Orbiting each other like the oracle words. Our souls forged a bond our minds tried to understand, tried to forget. Yet with you, there is no logic. Only stolen kisses and passing glances just as all the others. Ordinary, extraordinary, plain.

Intense, electrifying, soul-changing.

But deep within the flowing veins of our despondent hearts, love had been built, pushed away and trampled upon, all because it never should be, never could be. In truth, it was hard to deny what really could be, or should be. Maybe in some way, it was always meant to be you.

It wasn’t anything I would have ever ventured out for, or sought but now, now I look for you in every touch, every kiss, every moment.

You imprinted in the core of my mind. Destroying all sense of logic.

You became the whisper nagging, pulling at the coils of my innerworkings. Luring me away from my life and everything as I knew it.

You sent the jolt of electricity down my spine, destroying my fierce loyalties and bonded ties. Ruining me for all others. I’d step into the darkest waters until they sunk me like a jagged anchor, just to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. I never thought these feelings for someone would open parts of me that had been hidden for so long, but here we are.

Breaking apart the path I had set out upon. The one I find so hard to deviate, still to this day. But for you, I would, always.

You changed me in every way. You now live in the spaces I try so hard to hide. Residing in my faults and my truths until they become one.

Your touch catches and fits with mine, setting my soul on fire. You were what I was looking for and never knew existed. You were the second, third and first time I ever felt love. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But for you, I make the exception.