Onboarding

The Corporation would like to start this onboarding process by thanking you for choosing us as your lifelong employer. We trust you will find working for us to be a time-consuming but structured career. Please be sure to complete all parts of this induction before logging into your work area.

The Corporation is always right and dissent will not be tolerated. With that in mind, bonuses and fast-track positional responsibilities will be presented to anyone who provides The Corporation with details of the workshy and those interested in being problematic.

If you feel the need to express individual thought contrary to that of The Corporation's predetermined stance on any major issue, please refrain from doing so.

If you feel the compulsion is so strong, consult directly with your team leader or ask to be transferred to the Dissident Reeducation Programme. Based on deep psychological research, independent and poisoned thoughts will be erased, helping you to work both efficiently and without the strain of an unsettled mind. As with anything The Corporation does, the results are always 100% flawless.

You must wear your official Corporation Identification and Access badge. The acronym CIA for this important piece of employee attire is purely coincidental.

Please restrict eating and drinking to anything other than The Corporation's own fully formulated protein capsules and drinking water. These are free to all onboarded staff and have been tested and approved by various governmental and Corporation quality assurance agencies to ensure they safely improve performance efficiency.

Please take the following five-minute test. There are no wrong answers. However, The Corporation awards loyalty to individuals who inhabit the core fundamental characteristics of a Corporational employee. These core fundamental characteristics, or CFCs, are discussed at length in Section B3 of The Corporation Onboarding Companion Workbook and Encyclopedia.

Question One: As a paid and protected employee, is it reasonable for your job details and designated work times to be assessed and changed without your agreement?

Question Two: Are workplace romances allowed within The Corporation?

Question Three: If an employee, for example Corporate Drone Selena, was found to be eating or drinking anything other than Corporate protein capsules and drinking water, should she be demoted or terminated?

All questions must be answered before the final induction stages can be completed.

You will be informed if you need to take the test again, if you are going to be terminated as an employee, or if you have passed.

At The Corporation, we understand the excitement and distress that go hand in hand with new employment prospects. Please be assured we will always ensure our workforce is a stable and efficient one. We have provided a self-assessment checklist you can tick or cross relevant boxes alongside statements that apply to you.

I feel confident and capable, and I am looking forward to starting my first official project.

I have concerns about one or two parts of the onboarding process. (Please note, you will not be penalised if you tick this box. You will be placed on the fast-track referral list for the Dissident Reeducation Programme.)

I wish to learn more about the process of reporting drone laziness and problematic behavioural patterns and independent thought processes. (Please be assured of the discretion exercised by The Corporation during this process. Face-to-face meetings will be arranged between all parties involved, with a Corporation leader present to assess the case.)

I understand that completion of this checklist is mandatory and that I am fully compliant with The Corporation's performance, personal behavioural traits, loyalty, and efficiency expectations. By ticking this box, I agree that any deviance or contradictory actions will be dealt with accordingly.

Welcome aboard. The Corporation is looking forward to benefiting from your commitment and loyalty.