The Wannabe Supermodel Rulebook

Before we begin, I must be clear: your chances of succeeding in this cutthroat industry are slim to nihilistic nil.

Nevertheless, as the head of Models Maximal, I am obligated to outline the 49 rules for overnight success.

Why not 50? Because I value women with initiative. The last leggy step is up to you.

So, show me some of that je ne sais quoi. Give me a reason to root for you when you thunder down the confetti-laden runways of Paris Fashion Week, IF you are lucky enough to make it THAT far…

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Rule #1: Height is non-negotiable. Be between five-foot-seven and eleven, I do not want short queens nor genetic freaks towering over my office desk. Thinking of sashaying past your peers as the next Kate Moss¹? She’s an outlier, unlike you.

Rule #2: Understand that castings are not meetings but evaluations of how little space you require to exist.

Rule #3: Assume the room is already watching. Even when it isn’t. Even when it seldom will.

Rule #4: Respond to direction with deadpan precision, not enthusiasm. Supermodels never gush; they own the laconic limelight. The luscious Linda Evangelista must be your manifestation goal.

Rule #5: Beauty can only get you so far without the petulant learned skill of obedience.

Rule #6: Treat your body as leased property. You may inhabit it, but you do not own it. If Donatella Versace tells you to strip naked and pose on a castrated donkey in Times Square, then you'd best be agreeable.

Rule #7: Learn the art of faux laughter sans warmth or humanity, and shoot diametric daggers from your diva eyes, simultaneously of course.

Rule #8: Understand that your youth is a contract with an expiration date. I can't wave my magic wand and rewind time, sweetie.

Rule #9: Furthermore, anti-aging cosmetics and procedures are essential. Say "YES!" to retinol, say "YES!" to Botox, and always say "YES!" to breast augmentations. Gravity is your arch nemesis.

Rule #10: Confidence is admired only when it resembles coerced compliance.

Rule #11: Liaising with photographers on set AND in private is essential. They are gatekeepers, they are picturesque welders of the perfect image, open your mind (and legs wide) whenever possible.

Rule #12: Smile sweetly when told you are replaceable. The harsh truth? You are.

Rule #13: Exercise on the treadmill for four hours per day, no fucking excuses. If you turn up to a casting looking anything less than trim, taut, and trammeled, no fashion director will book you.

Rule #14: Allow industry insiders to speak about your body in the third person. Pretend your ears do not work in these instances. Be seen, not heard.

Rule #15: If you choose to eat solids in public, you are FINISHED.

Rule #16: Your walk must embody perfection. Chin up! Shoulders braced BACK, and keep the hip swinging to a minimum, ladies. You must be nothing more than a glorified clotheshorse clad in heels.

Rule #17: Treat backstage fittings as rehearsals in submission, where comfort is cocooned in irrelevancy, and slapstick gratitude is sealed with succory.

Rule #18: Keep your lips closed. Fashion moguls hate a trapdoor mouth, unless your intention is using it to "get a-head" of the competition.

Rule #19: The fashion world sells potential, not protection, and your whimsy value fluctuates with market mood rather than merit.

Rule #20: Accept that developmental workshop weeks may be unpaid apprenticeships framed as opportunity.

Rule #21: Comp cards reduce you to metrics and media slosh. Personality is surplus inventory. I decide which photos fit your aura, not you.

Rule #22: Fly economy while selling the flux fantasy of first class.

Rule #23: Travel light enough to move quickly between cities, castings, and continents. Always spritz organic rosewater over your face routinely to signal professionalism and preparedness. Fashionistas have an eye for emotional baggage, never let them see.

Rule #24: Know that rebellion is tolerated only when styled and coiffed for a couture campaign shoot.

Rule #25: Learn to hold a pose past your comfort level and only release before you are poised to faint.

Rule #26: Miss birthdays, relationship reunions, holidays, and special occasions without a care, as isolation breeds drive and determination.

Rule #27: Appear on red carpets when summoned, regardless of compensation clarity. Treat these dazzling galas as unpaid rehearsals for your relevance deprivation syndrome.

Rule #28: Enthusiastically answer the same press questions day in, day out. If your name can't remain in the daily tabloids, you will be forgotten

Rule #29: Any bruises, cuts, scrapes, or visible skin deformities MUST be concealed at all times.

Rule #30: If you are so lucky as to meet the greats of the sinewy game (think Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, Janice Dickinson), then bow the fuck down.

Rule #31: Keep chirpy, airhead responses vague enough to avoid liability (!) yet charm reporters with your God-given assets, as gossip circles love cyclic pretty delirium.

Rule #32: Self-measure your waistline, bust, hips, and buttocks obsessively, understanding that fractions of a centimeter can derail a career before it begins.

Rule #33: Treat designer go-sees as endurance trials, moving between offices with meek grins and dwindling hydration. Water is for the weak.

Rule #34: Remember that desirability is measured via "Size Zero" standards.

Rule #35: If I book you into some shitty motel in Milan, sleep there. Hell, if it's a temporary holding cell, even better. My agency is keen on making money from you, not spending it on you.

Rule #36: Choosing to appear on a trashy reality television show, ala America's Next Top Model, will result in instant termination of all contracts. The producers declined my offer to appear on the judging panel alongside Tyra Banks, fools.

Rule #37: Learn to express 100 emotions without moving one square inch of your now-frozen visage.

Rule #38: KNOW. YOUR. ANGLES!

Rule #39: Practice kneeling without bending, think of it as vertical submission perfected in posture, never prayer. Flexibility is beneficial in more ways than one...

Rule #40: Being “easy to work with” is a survival trait. It's a toleration remark, not a compliment.

Rule #41: If you fall on the catwalk, DO NOT get up and carry on. Instead, curtsy to the crowd and pack your belongings. This is a veritable career-killer.

Rule #42: Recognize that social media presence is monitored as proof of marketability, HA, not autonomy.

Rule #43: All existing tattoos must be lasered off. I reserve every fucking right to brand you the way I want. Edginess is enviable, and I know which skin stains sell.

Rule #44: Leave the makeup chair as a finished product, not a person. You are nothing more than a glamorous pre-paid purchase courtesy of half-day contouring and stylistic finessing, now that's true beauty.

Rule #45: If you are given a pair of seven-inch stilettos and they don't fit, force your toes in.

Rule #46: Never call in sick to any casting call, go-see, or shoot. Supermodels have super immunity, honey.

Rule #47: Leave each job lighter than you arrived—polished, depleted, and pruned for the next—before the churned revolving industry door decides to lock you out, permanently.

Rule #48: Ensure you have all 24 teeth intact. And dead straight.

Rule #49: Most important of all - you must make the designer/brand/puppeteer proud. If they aren't satisfied with your performance, your strings will be cut.

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Darling, it's time for me to love you and leave you. Here is a portrait of myself, Dougles McAvoy, and our last protégé—the uber-talented Alissandra Quinton.

She enjoyed a stellar three months on the global fashion circuit until she turned 23. Such a shame, she was so flawless.

Age is too cruel 💋💋.

¹Kate Moss broke industry standards. She is only five-foot-five, yet her international career spanned decades. Moss is arguably one of the most successful supermodels of all time.

(c) Edward Swafford 2025

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