Me, Myself, and I

“Alright. Get in, get out.”

“What do you mean, get in, get out? You have to buy stuff for a party!”

“Yeah, but I know exactly what I need to get. None of that anxious debating between two items for who knows how long. And it’s just stuff for French bread pizza. The others are bringing the rest of the stuff. And I already got the cheese at the other store. Man, I was lucky there was a sale!”

“So you’re not wondering how many bags of pepperoni to get?”

“...One or two. Probably two just to be safe. Worst-case scenario, I can just snack on the extras. I like pepperoni.”

“Who doesn’t? But what about French bread?”

“Oh, three. Three loaves make six halves, which means that each one of us would get a whole half of cheesy, pepperoni goodness. That should be more than enough. Even if four of us are guys.”

“...You’re conflicted again, aren’t you?”

“No. I already bought the cheese. I’m stuck with only getting three of them. The French bread here is pretty big anyway. It should be just fine. Stop trying to make me anxious.”

“What are you talking about, me making you anxious? W-”

“Oh, heck yeah! They’re only sixty-six cents each! And good thing too, French bread isn't one dollar per loaf anymore...man, did I get lucky! Plop, plop, plop! That’s one item checked off!”

“Did you just make bread-falling-into-the-cart noises with your mouth?”

“Yes. Yes, I did. Now next...oh yeah! I need tomatoes!”

“Tomatoes? Not pizza sauce?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m getting that too. Though I might get pasta sauce instead...depends on whether it’s cheaper or not. Anyway, I need tomatoes for work lunches.”

“…”

“What? I need actual groceries too!”

“I’m not saying anything.”

“Of course you’re not. You can’t. Oh my gosh, the Roma tomatoes are on sale too! I...I might get more than I usually do! Though the tomatoes might go bad. Oh, what the heck, I’m getting more. It can be an experiment. To see how fast they can actually get moldy.”

“It might be a waste of money.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“You do realize that you are only telling y-”

“Alright, from here...the pizza sauce will be the closest thing to get. Though Hunt’s pasta sauce will probably be cheaper. La de da, Le de da, pasta, pasta, ah-ha! The pasta aisle! Alright, let’s see...oh! It’s...not a buck per can…”

“Ah, pity. Boo inflation. It’s still under two bucks, though.”

“Yeah, but maybe I should check the price of the pizza sauce...hey! It’s actually cheaper! And they have a big jar and a small jar. Hmm…”

“Here we go again. You will debate back and forth between the two, and then when you finally make a choice, you will later change your mind and-”

“I think... no...yeah. I’m gonna go with three of the smaller jars. Cheaper than two of the big ones, and I think one jar per French bread should be enough. Yeah, it should be enough. Worst case scenario, I think I still have that-”

“Who are you talking to?”

“What? Oh...Sorry. I was...just mumbling. Sorry.”

“Just go, don't look back, just go! Ugh, that was embarrassing. She probably thinks you're, no, that I’m crazy. I really gotta stop talking to myself. And why in the heck do I refer to myself in the third person in my own head!”