Omens

The energy was still not flowing correctly. Selina stared at her altar trying to come up with a new configuration that might unblock her energy and let her reconnect with Spirit. Being a psychic who could not speak to the great beyond was less than ideal, and definitely not profitable. She had three appointments coming in this afternoon and she was running out of time. It had been days since she had received any communication. She had canceled her appointments at the end of last week, thinking that after a couple days off she would be able to rest and re-energize herself. But it had not happened, and she had been too stubborn to cancel any more appointments.

She picked up her pendulum and focused her thoughts. She called the ancestors and took a deep breath. Please, help me, she thought. I have to be able to do these readings this afternoon. Will you please help me? The crystal point wiggled on its chain for just a moment, but then stopped dead. Damn.

Selina started moving everything off of the altar. She picked up the altar cloth and took it outside to shake away the dust. Maybe the altar had gone stagnant, and everything needed a refresh. Carefully she dusted off each individual crystal and placed it carefully into position in the new grid she was building. Under her breath she whispered the words she hoped would bring the flow of energy back into her hands.

Renewal.

Revival.

Wisdom.

Guidance.

Truth.

The last stones she placed were her largest selenite tower and a chunk of black tourmaline. She used both of these during every reading, and cleansed them every night with little pieces of blue kyanite. Maybe the kyanite is tired, she thought. She went to her cupboard to grab two new pieces to place with the larger stones. She stepped back to take a look at the new configuration.

Do I feel any different? She was not sure. She would try giving the cards a chance to speak.

The light was dimmed in the private reading room. The pink Himalayan salt lamp gave off a soft gold glow that illuminated the incense smoke curling up from the holder. Amber. Selina’s favorite scent. No matter how hard she tried to center herself, spirit was not speaking. Did I offend someone? She thought. She put on a smile for the customer sitting across the table from her. After a decade of card reading, she knew the meanings of the cards well enough to wing a basic reading, but she felt immensely guilty for holding these readings. As soon as these appointments were gone she would call her clients and cancel all of her appointments for tomorrow.

The shop was quiet in the evenings when Selina was on her own. Her last client had requested a late appointment, so Selina had sent the shop assistant, Melanie, home. No one would be coming in to buy things so late. She pulled the curtains closed over the glass windows and door and double checked that the lock was bolted securely as soon as her last client left. As she moved through the main room, switching off lights and blowing out candles, she thanked goddess for the warmth and light they had provided throughout the day.

A noise came from directly outside the front door. A soft pounding, as if someone was knocking on the front window, but not really expecting to be heard. She peeled back the curtain expecting to see a late customer trying to grab a last minute supply for a ritual, but was greeted by a barn owl instead. The owl had placed itself on the thin bar of the door and waited.

Light brown feathers outlined the creature’s body as its white face glowed in the dim security light of the shop. Selina stared and the owl seemed to stare back. There is something wrong with this owl. There was something behind its eyes that knew Selina was struggling. Knew that her energy was off. “Go home,” she said as she shooed it away from the door. “We are closed.”

She knew telling the owl that business hours were over was pointless, but it seemed like the right thing to say. The owl seemed to nod in agreement before it flew off into the dark beyond the parking lot lights.

When Selina returned to the reading room to tidy up her divination tools, a random card had appeared in the middle of the table. The rest of the cards had been swept to the side, but one card sat face up, alone. Selina had never seen this card before. It was from a random oracle deck that she had only used once, but she recognized the art style as matching. She had flipped through it to approve adding it to her inventory. The image on the card was an owl, wings outstretched against the full moon, flying into the night. Below the image the word “wisdom” was scrawled in swirling cursive.

Selina turned the card over in her hand. Usually she could have heard Spirit sharing a message. Giving the card more meaning than its face value. But there was still nothing but silence. She placed the card on the altar and decided to meditate on it in the morning.

The sky was black. The stars twinkled silver light against the darkness, and the moon backlit the clouds that lingered above. The barn owl was almost invisible, unless hit by the rays of the moonlight. She was on the hunt. Her wings flapped dangerously as she swooped down towards the ground in increasingly tight circles. Her prey scurried across the ground. Frantic. Alone.

The owl began her final descent and extended her talons towards the earth. The mouse was caught. Tiny clawed feet kicked empty air as its tail floated along behind. The owl rose upwards again, wings extended across the face of the moon, and then she vanished. Predator and prey a fading memory.

Selina sat up in bed and willed her eyes to adjust to the dark. She glanced at the clock on the table next to her. Three threes were illuminated in neon green. She sank back against the pillows and took a deep breath. The sharpness of the owl’s talons cut across her back. She wanted to write the dream off as a nightmare, but she knew better. There was a hunter nearby, and she had nearly been the prey.

The owl oracle card was still standing up on the altar. The irrational part of Selina wanted to destroy it. Rip it into pieces. Salt and burn it. Anything to deny that something was trying to send her a message. She pulled her pendulum from her pocket and asked it again to speak to her, but the stone was still silent.

Tears were welling in her eyes, but she took a deep breath and tried to direct that energy to ground. After a moment she rose from the couch and decided it was time to bring out the big guns. Pulling her cell phone from her pocket, she quickly dialed the number. The line only rang twice before a voice greeted her on the other end of the line.

“Hello beloved! It’s been a while” the voice was familiar, even though it had been months since they had spoken.

"And you know why,” Selina responded. “But I think I need your help, as much as it pains me to say so…”

“Come by the house tonight?” the woman on the other end responded.

“Fine. But I will only be there for a few minutes. A couple of quick answers, and then I’m gone.”

“Understood,” the woman replied and the line went dead.

“I want to say it’s good to see you, but I know you too well. If you’re here, it’s bad.” Selina’s mother had set up a tray with tea and snacks on the small kitchen table. The house was modest, but there was enough décor to fill it ten times over. Selina hated the way it felt so cramped and suffocating. Her mom had made an attempt at building a home from them, but it would never feel safe.

“You are correct. You know I swore I’d never visit again.”

“Selina, you have to understand. You have no idea what they did to me. It was a modern day witch hunt. I was trying to save you from the same danger,” her mother’s voice broke as she finished the last sentence.

“So letting me think I was insane when the voices started was your solution!? I spent years, YEARS, in and out of treatment centers. Years in outpatient therapy. And for what? You knew all along I wasn’t crazy. But the torture continued.”

“It was going to be therapy or exorcism,” her mother responded coldly. “Your father made sure the church knew who I was and he found us. You know that”

Selina’s mother, Angela, had paid the price for her gifts at a young age. The nuns at her Catholic school feared her, and it made their torment that much more profound. When she had left her small hometown, she had hoped that the persecution would end, and it did for years. Until she met Selina’s father, Robert. They had fallen in love hard and fast. Before they had even been together a full six months, Angela was pregnant. Robert immediately proposed and wedding planning began. Until she refused to get married at the church.

Angela had never even heard Robert comment on religion before it became a deal breaker. He pushed for her to give him a reason as to why she refused, but she could not. She tried deferring to the fact that she was already pregnant, but it was not enough for him. She left before he could continue to push the issue and began raising Selina on her own. She had underestimated Robert’s will to find them, and she nearly fainted when he knocked on their door several years later with an ultimatum. He had discovered Selina’s past. And while witch hunting was not an official action of the church, he knew they had ways to make her suffer.

Part of his ultimatum was that Selina never be told the truth of her power. He feared having a daughter who was different more than anything. Out of fear, Angela had agreed. When Selina started asking questions in her preteens, Robert immediately referred her for psychological help. It took years for Angela to get away again. When they finally ran from Robert again, Angela shared the truth. All of the years in and out of treatment were to destroy her gift.

When she turned 18 Selina left. She was not going to be at the mercy of her parents’ beliefs any longer. As soon as she was on her own, her powers expanded. It was like someone had flipped a switch and the power was on high. Her mother tried to stay connected. Tried to call on birthdays and holidays, but Selina had not forgiven her, and was not sure she ever could. Starting her shop was the ultimate fuck you to her father.

“I know that you let me be abused the same way you were,” Selina responded coldly. “I need you to answer a few questions for me.”

“Cards or board?” her mother responded, rising from the table and opening a small chest that was sitting against the wall.

“Board. I think simple yes and no answers from the pendulum would be best.”

Angela pulled her board and pendulum from the chest and placed them on the table. She muttered a few words as she warmed the stone of the pendulum in her hand. “Alright love, ask away.”

“Is the owl meant to be some kind of sign?” she asked first. The board immediately swung to yes. She paused a moment considering what the next question should be. “Is there someone specific trying to send me this message?” she asked next. Again, the stone swung to yes. “Am I in danger?” she asked finally. This time when the chain swung to yes, the pendulum went crazy, nearly flying out of Angela’s hand as it swung frantically.

Angela took a deep breath, “my love, I think you need to tell me more about what you’ve seen.”

Selina filled her mom in on the past 24 hours. The visit and the dream. It took a moment for Angela to speak, and when she did, her voice crackled with fear. “A death omen,” she whispered.

“I know, mom. But why would I be getting a death omen!? I’m 29…”

“Why would anyone,” her mother replied. “But your grandmother saw them. She saw three of them before her death.”

Selina rose from the table and moved towards the door, gathering her belongings along the way. “This is ridiculous. Thanks for the questions,” she said as she slammed the door behind her. Her mother jumped from the table and ran after her, unclasping a necklace from around her neck as she sprinted after Selina.

“Take this,” she said, fastening the necklace on Selina’s neck. “It’s for protection. Very old, very powerful.”

“Really mom, I…” Selina trailed off. Something in her mother’s eyes told her not to push the subject any further. “Thanks mom, I appreciate it,” she said simply, as she slid into the driver’s seat of her beat up old car.

“I’m looking for a gift for my niece,” the older woman said as she scanned the shelves of Selina’s small metaphysical shop. “She is really into crystals and all that other witchy stuff,” she paused, trying to think of more information to add. “Oh, and she really likes owls!”

Selina felt all warmth leave her body. The third owl. Something was coming. Something bad. Flustered, she struggled to regain control of her face and smiled at the customer. “You know, actually. I do think I have a couple of stone owl figurines right over here,” she said calmly. “Owls are commonly associated with Pallas Athena, and we have a lot of people who work with her. Let me show you what we have!”

She walked the woman to the display and then moved towards the register. “Becca, I need a moment. Come and get me from the reading room if you need anything.” Becca nodded as Selina slid behind the curtain and threw herself on the couch inside the card reading room.

A third death omen, she thought. This was not an accident. She had had those crystal owls on the shelf for over a year. No one had ever so much as thought about them. But today, of all days, suddenly there was a demand. She moved to the table and shuffled her primary deck of cards, a basic Rider-Waite deck that still spoke the loudest to her, even after all these years. If she could read for a few clients without spirit, maybe she could do it for herself as well.

Taking a moment to breathe and center she held the cards in her left hand. She knocked on the deck twice with her right hand and began to shuffle. As she cut the deck to pull her first card, a shiver worked its way up and down her spine. Just what she needed. More bad omens. Three cards. That’s all she was going to pull. Please, give me guidance.

The first card from the deck was the ten of wands. It showed a peasant man struggling to carry ten large staves, his back turned as he labored under the burden of his task. Not off to a great start, she thought. Next was death. Whenever she drew this card, its skeleton rider arriving on a pale horse to greet humanity, she found a way to add a positive spin. In many readings it simply meant the end of a relationship, or a job, that no longer served the client. But after the ten of wands, Selina was less optimistic. Please counter these first two cards, please, she thought as she went to flip card three. The hermit. Another card that could be spun in other spreads, but not this one.

Burdens. Death. Loneliness.

She reached for the necklace around her throat. As much as she resented her mother, she still had not wanted to take the amulet off. It was simple. A faceted stone set in silver. But even without help from Spirit, she could feel it was powerful.

Turning the stone over and over in her fingers, Selina tried to meditate.

She had almost managed to concentrate when the ringer on her phone blasted her back to the present. She did not recognize the number. Her finger twitched to click the reject button, but there was a whisper in the back of her head that told her to answer.

“Hello?” she said hesitantly.

“Selina Windsor?” the voice replied.

The voice was unfamiliar and Selina almost hung up, but again, she was told to respond. “I am Dr. Roberts. I am calling from Albertson Memorial Hospital. I am afraid I have some bad news.” Selina could not breathe. It felt like something had been forced down her throat and she could not clear her airway. She tried to make a noise, to call for her shop girl, but nothing was happening. She heard a crack as she finally got a gasp of air. “Ma’am, are you okay?” he asked, hearing the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.

“As okay as I can be,” she replied. “I am not assuming you’re calling with good news.”

He cleared his throat, “I am not,” he said softly. “Your mother was brought in a couple hours ago. She was having difficulty breathing. We are still not quite sure what happened, but unfortunately, she’s gone. She died at approximately 1:39pm.” Selina could not speak. “Are you still there, ma’am? I know this is hard, but I just need confirmation that the line hasn’t dropped.”

"I’m here,” she whispered.

“Thank you. Can you have someone give you a ride to the hospital? We have a few of her things and some paperwork for you to sign.”

Selina was still struggling to speak, “I’ll be right down.” She hung up before he could say another word. Gathering her things in a daze, she told Melanie that she would be out for the rest of the day. She did not pause to see if she was heard, just continued through the glass door. She started to sob the instant she slammed the car door closed. Complicated relationship or not, she now felt like an orphan.

If someone asked her what paperwork she had filled out, Selina would not have been able to tell them. They flipped pages. She signed, she initialed, over and over again. They handed her a thin plastic bag with all of her mother’s personal effects. She rejected the bag of clothes and told them to get rid of them. She signed off that everything was there, even though she had no idea what everything should have even entailed. Placing the bag on the passenger seat she headed for home, unwilling to sort through the bag without a drink.

The bag sat on the entryway table for several days. Selina was doing anything and everything to try and forget the events of the past week. Her mother had been right about the death omen. They just had not realized it was for her. Melanie was taking care of the shop for a few days, and Selina was eternally grateful. Spirit still was not feeling chatty, so she was doing an overhaul of her entire house. Everything needed to be refreshed, cleansed, or updated. Finally, she had to clear the table.

She sank into the couch and dumped the bag on the cushion next to her. The contents were pretty basic. House key, wallet, odds and ends from her pockets. They had tucked Angela’s rings inside a small Ziploc bag. Selina looked at the three rings her mother always wore, and placed them to the side. She knew how much these meant to her mother and made a mental note to cleanse them before she wore them for the first time. Rings that had to be taken off of fingers were not good luck.

A piece of lined paper stuck out from the wallet. The edge was starting to fray and bend from being tossed around the bag. Selina pulled it out gently and got dizzy when she saw her name on the outside of the trifold note. She shifted her weight back against the cushions to keep from falling forward into the coffee table. Unfolding the note, she reached for the stone around her neck. Why does the front of the stone feel different today?

Selina reached up and unclasped the chain from her neck. Inside the stone, there was a new line. A thick crack that had almost severed the stone completely in two. This was the first time she had taken the necklace off, and she had no idea it had been damaged. The tears began to run as she lamented the loss of a family heirloom that her mother had loved so much.

My Beloved,

I know that I am far from being perfect. If I could go back and erase everything that happened to you because I was too weak to stand up to your father I would. But the past is the past. I wanted better for you. I didn’t want my curses to become your own.

If you’re reading this my plan worked. I had been seeing omens too, and they all led to you. When you showed up asking about a death omen, I knew why I was so worried about you. So I gave you the stone. Do not worry about the crack. As you heal, it will too. That necklace is the strongest protection talisman our family has ever held. It has protected generations before you, and I hope it continues to do so for many generations after you.

I love you beyond measure. I am sure you don’t need to be reminded that energy has to be maintained. So I am writing this before I balance the scale.

I will miss you, my sweet girl. But I will always be by your side.

Goodbye, my love.

-Mom

Selina could not stop the tears anymore. They came intermittently at first, but as she refolded the letter, all she could do was sob uncontrollably. As the tears fell, Selina felt a surge of energy starting to radiate up through the floor. There was a warmth to the energy that she had not felt in a long time. Now she could hear voices that seemed to be far away in the distance. As the energy grew the volume of the voices grew with it. For a moment Selina thought she was going to pass out. Her entire system felt overwhelmed. Then it happened.

“Welcome back,” she heard a familiar voice say in her mind. Tris, her primary spirit guide, was back. “Glad you’re still with us.”

Thank you, Selina smiled. Tears still rained down her cheeks, but the cause had moved from sorrow to joy. Thank you, mom.