Oldies But Goodies

On February 19, 1878, Thomas Edison's patent for the phonograph was awarded. Risking a flimsy segue, by the time Edison's invention was 99 years old, a gold-plated copper record, using similar technology, was attached to Voyager 1.

Launched on September 5, 1977, by November 2004 it had left the Solar System's "termination shock." It is currently about a quarter-lightyear away in the Kuiper belt, heading to the constellation Ophiuchus at over 10 miles/second. In 380 centuries it will be within 1.7 light-years of Star AC+79 3888 in Ursa Minor.

Among the retrievable photos and sounds of Earth were included actual recordings of music of many artists and composers.

Also on the record were schematic instructions on how whoever finds it could reach us. This has been known to make many scientists nervous, given--to risk a pun--the track record of what happens when more advanced civilizations visit less advanced civilizations.

Some Kardashev Scale Type Omega-minus civilizations find the subject of travel time funny; distances in lightyears ridiculous; and even the concept of waiting just so passé. Thus, sooner than the 380 centuries expected, the gold record sat on a holographic turntable that rendered the playback process.

Some cultural misunderstanding was to be expected, but what these beings heard saw them off to the given coordinates toute de suite.

The large ethereal craft hovered over Missouri.

The beam transmitted the hologentleman to the waiting soldiers, politicians, and common folks. He walked toward a dais that was prepared for him. Once there, he "situated" himself, extending to his full height of eight feet. The crowd gasped. But then he smiled, and they oohed and aahed, nodding their heads.

Finally, the alien spoke.

"We have seen these images and heard the sounds from your golden record." He paused for effect. Then, "Normally we'd obliterate your stupid, little, and unimportant planet..."

The crowd broke into discordant cacophony, shock, and panic, until a loud sound was broadcast to quell it.

"However, we've decided to spare you. One particular item gave us pause. It was an energetic melody about a country boy named Johnny B. Goode."

The crowd cheered.

"Just hand over this Chuck Berry and we'll be on our way. Or else..."