Nothing at All

When I met you, I was captivated by your eyes. They were brown like my favorite tree bark. Your irises reminded of a forest and they sparkled like sunlight seeping through at daybreak.

A warm smile was peaking back at me through the library dividers. I saw a wave from you and I waved back shyly almost imperticibly.

Afterwards I walked to my favorite coffee spot, and I found you in the line behind me. It felt like a fate you were creating. It was nearby the library but not the closest shop.

You asked if you could sit at my table. We talked about our favorite songs and the most annoying professor ever. When another student came by, you awkwardly said hi Kate and introduced me as Alyssa.

When she left, I couldn’t stop laughing and you laughed too. I calmed down and said that’s Jackie. The laughter resumed and I felt so in sync with you.

You told me about a concert you had a spare ticket to and I went with you. I loved that you offered me your jacket. It was so comfy and cozy. You told me it looked good on me and I should keep it.

I found myself delighted to be in your company. The funny texts about some dumb comment made during class. The shares about never being sure if you could survive the class.

The study dates that got planned. Chester asked if you were interested in me. You looked uncomfortable. It seems you were getting caught and yet you beautifully deflected when you said you needed to focus on your studies.

I choose a semester abroad without you. It was challenging as I missed the study dates, surprise events, and run ins at the coffee shop.

And it was my dream to be well traveled. After a year, I came home to find our group of friends developed a new tradition.

We did a eulogy for each other. It was a way to know what we loved, remembered, and appreciated.

I was on the edge of the seat. You said our meeting was quite accidental. You were waving at some other girl and I waved back. Then at the coffee shop the only seat available was next to me.

You worried I might have seen as some kind of pick up. But when we laughed you figured you I had been saving you from the embarrassment of getting your crush wrong.

You shared how my smile was contagious. And everyone laughed and smiled. Chester yelled “yeah.” You said it was an infection that could spread to even the most cold hearted souls of the world.

Then you said the gifts were natural expression of kindness that was easy to extend to such a friendly girl. You said it was great to give the jacket away because it saved you a trip to goodwill and it was clear it would make my day. There was also deep appreciation that I wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking we were something we were not.

There was admiration that I left to see the world and my heart sank.

Because it was at this moment that I realized the fireworks I saw in your glistening eyes was only a reflection of how I felt.

That I had imagined you severely wanted me because you invited me out. And it was only cause you had an extra ticket and didn’t know who else to ask. You never saw me as anyone worth dating just a girl who was ok to hang out with.

We had a great secret and slow love life developing and you didn’t even know it. I guess that’s how it goes when you love someone you can see all the small moments as something big and beautiful. When really, it was nothing at all.