Lost life

It seems so surreal to be laying under a chandler at 25 years old in a white dress at a gala.

Mainly all the guest seemed preoccupied in the ballroom. After everyone arrived, the foyer was clear for me to lay down.

It’s surprising how much life hasn’t changed in a way. I remember being five and looking up at it. Watching the sparkles danced across the way while my brother nearly tripped over me. They would be in the middle of a foray in the foyer.

Tonight however the lights sparkled newly almost like a light show going in and out of the rainbow. It seems to dance into blue like a glistening white snow day with some bluish tints. There was also the greens that reminded me of the grassy summers we spent in Maine. The yellows over seemed like sandy beaches I fear I won’t see again.

And suddenly I am out of this hallway and back into a memory of a place that still haunts my dreams. I don’t even know if it even happened.

One of those days at the beach I had snuck off alone. I wanted to get the edges of it. And I went far away where things got stiller and quieter because the tourist and seasonal travelers never go that far into the rocky areas.

I heard a man with a bellowing voice so I followed it. He sounded distressed and I thought I could help him. His youngest child had gone out to sea. He was somewhat crippled and couldn’t swim. So I went out to sea. And I felt the tide trying to grab me under and I saw her. I went forward and I grabbed her.

I felt myself swimming in with her and we got close to the shore when a tide pulled us back. And that’s when it fell apart. It was haunting to hear her muffled gasping screams as her lungs filled with water. Although I dived down after her, I couldn’t find her. It was like she never existed.

The man was disheartened but thanked me for my efforts. He gave me a very small conch.

I found myself back home a week later and wondering if any of that happened at all. I didn’t find the shell in my bags. I just had a lot of sand.

Although I had wondered what happened, life moved on until that fight. Because during that one of the boys ripped the other pocket.

And out fell that conch and I knew I hadn’t dreamt it. The man really existed and I really tried and I failed. I hope to never fail again. Sometimes in my dreams I save her and she lives. And sometimes I imagine my dream came true and I meet them. And she invites me to her 25th gala and we lay under the stars by the ocean celebrating an amazing journey of life.

It’s kind of funny that 20 years I went back to the town and saw an young woman who looked just like her. Maybe dreams do come true.