Notes From the Dialysis Chair, Part 1

Three times a week, four hours at a time—that’s how I measure my life these days. Dialysis isn’t just a treatment, it’s a schedule that swallows you whole. You plan your days around it. You ration your energy because the machine takes what little you have left. And yet, this chair has become a kind of stage, a strange place where time feels both endless and borrowed.

Some people read. Some sleep. I write.

It started as notes in my phone—observations, jokes, fragments of thoughts I was afraid would slip away in the brain fog. Then one day I realized: these aren’t just notes, they’re a record. A way of saying, I was here. I mattered.

Here’s what I’ve noticed:

The machines sound like they’re humming a lullaby, if you listen long enough. Not a sweet one—more like a lullaby sung by a robot that secretly hates you.

The nurses are part angel, part mechanic. They keep us alive with equal parts compassion and troubleshooting.

Time stretches weirdly here. Ten minutes can feel like an hour, and then suddenly, four hours vanish and you wonder what you did with them.

The truth is, when you live on borrowed time, every minute feels sharper. You learn what’s worth your energy and what isn’t. You learn that jokes can be life rafts. And you learn that the real battle isn’t just against kidney failure—it’s against letting the clock define who you are.

So here I am, writing from the chair. Not just waiting for a transplant, but trying to make meaning in the meantime. Because if this is borrowed time, I want to spend it telling stories.

To be continued.

About the author

Jocelyn Paige Kelly is the author of Borrowed Time, Filter, and the Unfiltered Lives series, which explores the raw realities of living with kidney failure. A YA author by day and astrologer by night, she blends storytelling with a keen sense of humanity, weaving themes of resilience, mortality, and second chances into her work.

Her fiction and essays invite readers to reflect on what it means to live fully on borrowed time, while her astrological insights add a cosmic lens to the everyday. Whether she’s building worlds for young readers, chronicling the challenges of illness, or mapping the stars, Jocelyn is always searching for meaning in the spaces where vulnerability and courage meet.