New York Baby

Going round the Wrekin with Jackie. She always thinks she knows where she’s going, like she believes she has a sixth sense or something. She doesn’t half get on my nerves. Gotta remember she’s my sister I spose. Walking from Macy’s, making our way to Central Park. Trying to anyway. Jack calls me a buzzkill coz she says “It’s part of the experience! Have some fun why don’t yuh?”; I think you’ll find love, I really am trying. Maps exist don’t you know?

Lights! So many lights. Massive crowds too. Good thing, people just minding their business. Like we have invisibility cloaks on. Oh great, some bloke stops us. Baggy jeans, aren’t they about to fall down? He calls me baby, he’s like hey. Wanna buy a car? I’m thinking we should deaf him, but I say sorry?

I said, wanna buy a car?

Jack giggles.

He’s all like, where you girls from huh?

Birmingham.

Burmeengham? Dead-ass? Coo. Have a nice day ladies.

He smirks at us, steps back steadily in sneakers that have seen better days.

Jackie says ta-ra like she’s made a new friend and links my arm and she goes on and on about how cool this is, how cool he was, we’re really getting an authentic experience aren’t we? Yeah, I think, lovely. At least I know where to get a car from, right? But I giggle and I say yeah, seriously. I am happy and should probably stop acting like a mardy bum. But that’s just me. So edgy, so cool. Ha! I wish.

It’s so cold. It’s brick outside, even. I picked that up the other day. You like?

In Macy’s we looked for a coupla woolly hats. Stylish. We got a bit carried away and started looking at all sorts of jewellery, watches, perfume, bling, the whole sparkly shemozzle, yeah? Way out of our price range. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. We can dream, yes? Clearly one of the women working on the floor didn’t think we were worthy of these luxuries. She circled us like a shark, I was thinking calm down honey. Ain’t run since I was about 15 and trip over my own feet at the best of times so me stealing something and doing a runner just really wouldn’t work out. Jack and I put on our best posh voices. Magnificent! How larvely. Rather grand don’t you think Jacqueline? Not quite expensive enough though, I thenk.

No, far too cheap for my liking.

Stood straight, tilted our chins upwards. Élégante. Walked right out of there. We out. Real talk.

Reach Central Park. Walking, talking. All that jazz. Groovy. Taking pictures but casting quick glances round us all the while, making sure we’re not boutta get robbed. Extreme sport.

Where’s Jack now? Talking to some randos. Typical.

I’m standing here like jakers, great.

Jackie looks a bit confused and she’s walking over to me holding a CD excitedly. I’m boutta ask her what’s happening when the guys she’s been talking to stroll up to us.

$2 for the album ladies. We’re rappers and we’re gon make it big, real talk, na’ mean?

Jack says Oh you wanted us to pay for it!

Written over my face is How’d you manage to get into that one huh?

And she looks at my baffled gaze and mouths How was I sposed to know?

Funny though.

Ayo, yooz ain’t no rappers and yo ain’t gon ever make it big! Stop trippin’, they just frontin’ ladies I’m tellin’ yuz! Laughs one of the others from a little distance away.

Charming. But probably true. What are friends for? I’m awkward and I just stand there not knowing what to do apart from kinda walk off backwards trying to escape, giving Jack the ‘cmon weirdo, let’s just go’ eyes. Wiggle of the brow.

Don’t listen to him. He ain’t nothin’ says the youngest looking one.

He says Aight well, you can have that free of charge. How bout dat? And I’m like yeah, flattered. Dream come true.

But he takes my arm and Jack and I exchange startled but amused glances as he pulls out a pen, pulls up my sleeve and writes something on my goosebump-prickled skin. He says it’s his signature. Sorry, why? Who, what and where? And I’m just laughin.

This crap better come right off.