My Little Brown Box

Kelsey dreaded the thought of getting out of bed, it was just another bland Wednesday morning. She laid there listening to the silence of the house. Her husband had already left for work, so it was just her and the endless stream of thoughts running through her mind. The longer she laid there, the louder the silence became, eventually forcing her to get up to focus on anything but that.

She looked into the mirror as she brushed her teeth, her hair was disheveled, the long brown strands standing at various angles. As she spit into the sink she decided she didn’t want to bother with it to day and smoothed it back into a ponytail. Kelsey looked at her reflection, taking in her pale skin and flat demeanor, you’re broken. The thought was fleeting as she pushed it away and left the bathroom to finish getting ready for work.

When she went back to her bedroom there was a small brown box sitting on her bed. She eyed it suspiciously, knowing it wasn’t there when she got up this morning. She looked around her room, noting she was still alone. “Josh?” She called out, wondering if her husband had come home early. There was no response which made her even more confused. Kelsey slowly walked toward the small package. It was about the size of a box of Kleenex. As she picked it up she noted that it was wrapped in brown packaging paper and was blank, except for her name in large black letters on the front. She had no clue where it had come from and wasn’t interested in opening it. She tossed it back on the bed and went to her closet to finish getting ready.

On the drive into work she thought about her day, as an office assistant she knew she would spend the majority of it on the phone. She also had a meeting this afternoon that would end with her having to type up the contents into a minutes report. She hated those, it meant she had to actually pay attention. At least she had lunch to look forward too.

Every Wednesday the girls she had been friends with for years would get together for lunch to break up the monotony of the week. Remembering that was today elevated her mood a little bit. It would be nice to see them. She spent the rest of her drive listening to music, being alone in her head only brought about things she didn’t want to think about. As she continued to try and keep her thoughts on her day and the latest hits she noticed a slight thunk next to her. Looking at her passenger floorboard, she saw the small brown box again. She didn’t remember putting it in her purse or even in the car. How was it on her floorboard? She leaned down, picking it up and throwing it in the backseat. Whatever this box was, it was starting to get creepy.

Kelsey settled into her desk ready to start the day, she had way too many emails since she missed work yesterday. A shrill voice pierced her concentration before she even had a chance to get through two of them.

“Hey vacationer! How are you?”

“Hi Lisa,” She pinned a smile to her face and hoped it was convincing, “I don’t think I would call one day a vacation.”

“Well, did you have fun at least?”

Farthest thing from it, Kelsey thought. “No, it was nothing special, just a personal day.”

“A personal day huh? What you and Josh just didn’t want to get out of bed?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Kelsey gave a forced chuckle and went back to her computer, “Good one, well I have a lot to get caught up on. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

“Okay, see you then!” Lisa said excitedly and went on her way to find more office gossip.

Kelsey went back to her emails, the next one didn’t have a name indicating who it was from, just a line of exclamation points. She figured it must be some sort of office chain letter but when she clicked on it all it said was, you have to look at it. Her head shot up, looking around the office to see if anyone was watching her. No one appeared to be paying her any attention. She went back to the email only to notice that it was gone, the email on her screen now was a quarterly financial report. She felt like she was going crazy. Kelsey closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to clear it. Just get to lunch, She thought to herself. Lunch would put her halfway through the day. That seemed like a realistic goal. She opened her eyes, feeling a little more confident in her ability. She opened her desk drawer to get her day planner out and there sat the little brown box. She slammed the drawer closed causing everyone to look at her.

“Oops,” she shrugged, as people went back to their work. When she opened the drawer again the box was gone.

Kelsey entered the diner glad to be out of the office. The rest of her morning didn’t include any creepy emails or boxes and for that, she was thankful. Layla, Kory, and Eliza were already sitting in a booth. They smiled up at her as she scooted in next to Kory.

“Hey, glad you made it, we were starting to wonder!” Layla said from her corner on the opposite side of the booth.

“Sorry, the time got away from me. I had a lot of work to catch up on. Have you ordered yet?”

“No, we were waiting for you, of course.” Said Eliza.

Kelsey scanned through the menu deciding on a simple soup and salad combo. She didn’t have much of an appetite today.

“So, I have something I want to tell you guys!” Kory screeched excitedly.

Eliza, looking slightly startled by the sudden comment said, “Whatever it is must be exciting since you wanted the whole restaurant to know about it.”

“I do want everyone to know! Dylan and I are pregnant!” she squealed.

Kelsey’s stomach dropped. She should be happy for Kory and Dylan, but that wasn’t always an easy thing to do. She quickly recovered pinning that same smile she gave Lisa this morning to her face. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you guys.” She sat mostly in silence for the rest of lunch provided responses only when necessary. The other girls continued their excited chatter discussing names and nursery designs. Kelsey just wanted to go home. She reached into her purse and there on the top of everything else was the box. She shoved it below the items in her bag and retrieved her phone.

Kelsey had texted her boss and told her she would be out sick the rest of the afternoon, thankfully, she seemed ok with it. She was almost home now and was glad that Josh wouldn’t be home for another few hours. It was time for her to get to the bottom of this stupid box.

Walking into the house, the air conditioning felt good after the anxiety and frustration of her lunch hour had caused her to be more than flushed. She removed the box from her bag and set it on the dining room table. It looked no different than it had this morning. Anonymous brown paper wrapping and her name in big black writing. It wasn’t addressed to Josh or to the owner of the home, just her. Kelsey hesitantly slid into the chair knowing it was time to face it. She loosened one edge of the paper, taking a deep breath and releasing it as she lifted the other piece of tape. Out of the paper slid a small plain box. It was white in color and had no indication on what could be inside. Kelsey closed her eyes taking several deep breaths and lifted her hands to open the box. Finally feeling brave enough to look, she opened her eyes to see multiple small pieces of paper with beautifully written words written on it.

“There’s always adoption…”

Kelsey took in the words as tears began to fill her eyes. She grabbed another one.

“Just stop trying, that’s when it will happen…”

The tears flowed down her face now.

“But it’s fun to practice, right?”

“When are you gonna start trying to have a family? Am I ever going to have grandkids?”

Kelsey picked up the remaining contents of the box and threw them at the wall before crumbling to her knees. She had to face it, the doctor told her yesterday she would never have kids. She was broken. One of the most basic things her body should be able to do would never be. How could Josh even want to stay with her, she could never give him the family he wanted. The house would never be full of laughter and the pitter patter of little feet. It would never happen for her. Everyone was going to know that her body didn’t work, because everyone always had something to say. It was time for her to face it head on and come to terms with it. She looked to where the box should be on the floor and it wasn’t there. Looking to the table there were no more scraps of paper. Nothing. She stood up determined to be done with this box nonsense and move on. She laid her broken body in bed and cried until Josh came home. He found her curled in on herself.

“Kelsey what’s wrong.”

“There’s always adoption right?” Was all she could say.