Muckmen

You don’t take your ticket to Red Meal that’s the first thing you gotta learn, stick with me kid I know all of it I’ll teach you that stuff. You don’t take your ticket to Red Meal no way that’s a sucker’s game kid just think about it huh? Just think about it for a minute are you thinking?

So why is that? You tell me why and maybe you’ll hang out a while maybe you’ll just hang.

No. No, that’s not right but it’s a good guess kid you’ve got a head on your shoulders. No, you don’t go to Red Meal because it’s soup. Soup’s a gamble kid, always has been always will. You get in line too early then soup is just water. You spend your morning ticket on water? woof that’s a bad deal. That’s a bad deal kid I take that deal no times out of nothing! But I can see you thinking. You’re smart you got those thinking eyes. But I’m smart too kid, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “well I’ll just go late”. And that’s a good thought, that’s some soup smarts! Cause all the chunks go to the bottom right? So that’s a good thought right?

WRONG! Cause it’s already been thunk!

So you go too late and you get NO soup! Now you spent your ticket just to stand in line. And every other muck-mover in the whole rotary, every soup-having mucker will see you with your NO soup-having and they’ll say “sucker” and that’ll be it for you bing ding DONE.

Well I’ll tell you what to do. That’s why you stick with me I’ll tell you what to do.

You find some runoff.

Some runoff. You know what runoff is kid don’t tell me you don’t, but you find the good kind. You find it not too red and not too yellow-blue, you find it so it don’t burn your eyes it just sting a little yeah you find that good runoff and you huff it deep!

You’re gonna get stupid and you’re gonna get strong but even better is what you’re not gonna get cause you’re not gonna get hungry. Not for all day no how. And that’s the trick. You don’t take your morning ticket to Red Meal, and you don’t take it to Sun Meal either. You save it. You save it aaaallll day, and then what do you got? You got two tickets to Blue Meal. That’s right, no choosing. You get your tack and then you sneak right back in line and you get your biscuit too that’s right.

So you muck all day no care, get the big points and then you sleep all night full-belly.

Runoff kid, that’s it. And even if you’re not huffing you can go dig around out there you can find things. You can find good stuff in run-muck I found lotsa good stuff out there I found some real special stuff.

No I don’t I don’t show it I don’t take it out you don’t wanna see it anyway kid okay?

I don't I don't do it I don't show it around.

Look, okay kid I’ll show you, but don’t say a word okay? Don’t even open your eyes wide or say a word or anything or I’ll kill you okay? I’ll drown you in the mud right here wouldn’t take two seconds for me to do it, I’ll bury you sucker and gullet right here in the mud and it wouldn’t take even two seconds--

I’m sorry. No I’m sorry kid I’m sorry come back just come back okay?

Please come back.

I won’t say trash like that. I won’t, that was stink-trash I won’t say like that again I’m sorry.

Okay I’ll show you. But you gotta close your eyes first I ain’t showing you where I keep it close your eyes--

Okay. Okay open your eyes. I said you can find good stuff in the runoff didn’t I well I wasn’t lying look at this what I found. Poking around in the run-muck and fished it right out, this little thing I got good eyes that’s why you stick with me kid.

You like it? It’s shiny right? You’ve never seen shiny yellow huh? No one no one I know seen shiny yellow.

No it’s not dented! That’s some stink-trash to say! It’s like this on purpose this is a special shape. Two curves on the top with a point-bottom. No dent you work to make this shape two curves on top and a point-bottom. It’s on purpose, you can tell so.

Yeah, I guess you I could sharpen it, but that’s not what it’s for. It’s not a cutter kid it’s a special thing, it’s got a special purpose.

Well it’s a secret kid okay? I can’t be giving away all my secrets. It’s a good one though oh yeah it’s a good one probably the best secret I know and I know some good ones kid I know the Meal tricks and where to find the soft mud for easy mucking and the good runoff (you know I know that one) but this is the best secret best I know this one’s worth something for sure though can’t be giving this one out for free maybe you give me a ticket for this one? maybe a ticket now and another ticket in a ten-day what do you say huh? one ticket and you won’t regret it just hey kid wait okay? no wait okay just one ticket just one ticket not even now just one in a ten-day hey wait--

Okay! Okay. No ticket. I’ll show you okay no ticket. You’re smart kid didn’t I tell you I knew you were smart, smarter than this old mucker sure thing sure thing outsmarted me I guess fine fine fine just look just come here and be quiet.

It opens. It opens up.

Okay now be quick okay come look—look at this. You ever seen something like that?

Well I’ll tell you what it is.

It’s a lay-dee. Do you know what a lay-dee is?

No jig, telling true. That’s a lay-dee picture right there a real lay-dee.

I know because I got told it okay? True told by a real mucker older than me even—back when I was younger than you even. And when that mucker was younger than you they saw one. Sure like I see you now they saw. Told it just like this, just like you see here with the hair and everything.

Don’t believe me, I didn’t believe them either that’s fine. I thought they were making up slick-muck, making up some trash to tell me but then I found this shiny swing-box with the picture inside and you see what’s what. A lay-dee just like the old mucker said, with white in the mouth and hair and everything.

No it’s mine. No I’m putting it away.

Okay no hey kid no hey come on kid ow! okay stop that, I’m not gonna-- No! You wet-face I’ll rip your tongue choke kill you I told you I’d do it gash—gash you! Gulp it! Gulp it! You gulp that mud you sawlip thought you were smart you dumb hard dumb--

…

Okay… no it’s okay I understand you can come up now. I get it kid I get it we all-- it’s okay no I would’ve done the same thing you’re okay. You’re okay?

…

I don’t know.

I don’t know kid, I don’t know where that lay-dee went the old mucker never told me kid probably they didn’t know probably no one knows. Probably they’re gone. Probably they’re all gone.

Hey no it’s okay kid. Breathe-- you breathe slow none of that now, it’s… you’re good. Maybe they’re not gone okay? Yeah—yeah maybe they’re down there under the muck somewhere with all the other good stuff. Maybe they’re out where all the good stuff goes. Maybe they left us.